ANgela D Brown
Group ID: embracethevampires

Diary of Aphrodite: One of my immortal alter ego's. This is her journal on thoughts, feelings, personal experiences, reflections, and her love for Razial.
Entry One:

I am here,,, in darkness. This is all I know, yet I still constantly search for light...

I know you are here,,, passing you on the street, I feel the urge to turn and follow you into eternity. Yet I am bound to this realm and to entertwine our two worlds would be a curse.
Asleep in my coffin, I find no peace, I burn in fire of the birth of the sun, even though I am shielded from its light. I suffer,,, until nightfall...

Awake and amongst you I am still tormented. It torments me to just look at you. Pathetic,,, living each day in a scurry, in an unrelenting struggle to live,,, and yet you let life pass you by. What would you do if you knew tonight would be your demise... ahhhh,,, I would bet you would spend the afternoon trying to do all the things you never had time for before in your pitiful life. Now that it's the end,,, you would want to live it all in one evening, and regret what you did with the time you had.

To think I once was like you. It makes my stomache turn,,, I was so blind, living each day as if there would never be an end. And now that there is no end, I search for it. I search for a beginning, and end, and try to find my place in the now. The only thing I had in this eternity that lightened my nights was Razial... and he is gone from me. Where once we slept in my chamber together now my only comfort is his portrait. Looking at it, I can almost breathe him in as if he were lying here beside me. It's been decades since I last felt his touch and yet I burn at the rememberance of his hands on my skin. The warmth of his lips traveling across my body, his kiss on my lips, the taste of his blood, the way he would call out to me "I love you Aphrodite" during the heat of our passionate embraces. I would gladly give up my eternity just to spend a half a lifetime with him. For this immortality that was once a gift to me, now seems some penance I must pay for some crime I did not commit. Things you mortals take for granted. You play with the feelings and emotions of one another in order to get whatever it is you need out of the relationship. Not thinking twice about the effects of your deviances. How dare you... You could be food for me tonight and never see your family again, and what would you leave them with? You sicken me. There is only a few amongst you I would spare. Why I even have the heart to care at all I do not know. It's not my will that you would be sacrificed for my survival. It is not my will any of you should die. I pity you. But even as a mortal I had pity on the prey my father would bring in from a hunt. I would not eat it... I would refuse, angering my father. But if I were without food for a time I would give in and take of the meat offered me. This is the same case with you. Only you are an intelligent prey. Some of you would do better to let live, the same as the farmer spares his prize cattle, in hopes to breed more. Some of you would benefit me better if I leave you live. And some of you would benefit all mortals and immortals to remove you immediately. You are the first I choose.

I do not remember the day of my birth but I destinctly remember the day of my rebirth. I would have been food for a vampire. I was only about 16 or 17 of age and had been a whore since I was stolen from my family for slavery some 4 years earlier, and would not be missed if I were dead. There were rumors of blood drinkers in the village, but that's all I thought they were,,, rumors. I was in the back wall with other whores waiting for business to come way, when he and his companion approached me. Very young looking and perhaps of wealth, I was stricken with his companion, and for the first time I was embarrassed to be a whore. I would wish that I were not a slave and had met this handsome gentleman in the market or at the temple. I took his money gladly, not knowing he wanted more from me than my business. I waited in their chamber and heard voices outside the door, they were in disagreement over something. I would have thought it would have been over who would enter first, being in this scenerio many times before. But this time was different. The first entered and not the companion as I had hoped. He made no hesitation to come to me, on the contrary he was very quick and caught me off guard. I tried to reach out to him when he approached me only to be grabbed forcefully and threw down upon the bed face first. Feeling him atop me, thinking it pleasured him to be brute, and braceing myself for a beating, I got something I did not expect. He gently began to kiss the back of my neck, feeling his breath on my nape my stomache began turning at the thoughts of next having the companion whom I would wish to be with. And then,,, sharp, deep, pain, just under my left ear, atop my neck. I screamed out in agony, yet the pain was darkly pleasurable. Trying to fight him from me I was tightly held without a hope for movement. Then I felt it... my life slowly slipping away from my body. The darkness creeping up on me I could hear my own heart beat growing louder yet slowing, and I knew it was the end. My life flashed before my eyes, causing me to be glad death had come my way to relieve me from my whore life. Then suddenly he was gone, hands about me turning me over I saw the handsome companion. I pulled him to me with what bit of life I had left in me and whispered, "Thank you, my dark angel", placing my hand upon his beautiful face, I was glad this would be the last thing I saw before I died. He held my hand as I touched his face, taking it to his lip he kissed it gently. Then bit his own wrist and lay beside me offering me "Drink, and live with me forever" and I did. Like lightening flowing through my veins, I suddendly felt my life anew. His blood so sweet, a taste I had never known existed. A pleasure I had never experienced. He pulled his wrist from me letting me know it was enough and I looked into his eyes and all went dark. I would have thought I was dead but I awakened. And all around me was different. I was alone. My dark angel had left me. He had read my thoughts and had pity on me. But where was he now? Why did he leave? I was alone.

I had to learn the existence of a vampire's life on my own. I had no one to tell me my thirst would grow stronger and stronger. I did not know I would never walk in daylight again, I never knew why I was the way I was. Why was I different and why was it that I could drink of him and be this way? I had many questions and no answers.

I stayed their in his chambers for two years waiting for an answer. I only went out to feast at night, to quinch the incredible thirst I had for blood, choosing only whores and waywards. I stayed in hopes he would return. And one night he did. He came to me and took me as if we had been together always. I asked not where he had been out of gratefullness he had returned. It has been that way since... my Razial, to whom my heart longs. We lived as one for hundreds of years, a happy vampire life. Then came the day that he was captured by the powerful vampire Kamen and his clan whom he had once swore allegiance. He felt betrayed by Razials departure to be with me and had him stolen from me to be returned. The only thing that ever made sense to me in this world was Razial. My sweet Razial, taken from me as I was taken from my mothers house and made a slave. I wonder if she grieved as such when I was gone.
I long to hear your voice again... I am miserable without your touch...

I will find you do not dispair. We will be one once more...

And thus begins the diary of Aphrodite...

Copyright©2004 ANgela D Brown