05/26/01 11:45PM - Great news! I just found out that I'm going to parts of Scotland AND London this summer!!! YIPPEE!!! 05/25/01 1:05AM - I hope that I can fit all that I have to say today on this page. I just had finished writing 2 long paragraphs (and well-written ones too, in my opinion) for this update when my screen just refreshed on me and left me with what I originally started with (bubkus). How much would that piss you off? It's like writing a long, heart-felt e-mail and then hitting the "back" button and losing everything you've written. I'll try to re-write what I stated before, but we all know that it's never the same the second time around. I just came back from watching "The Joy Luck Club," at a friend's house. If you ever want to see my cry, with tears in my eyes, balling, and snot dripping from my nose; set me down in front of the TV and make me watch the movie (or have me read the book - same effect, but it take me a bit longer to get to the crying stage with the book). It is one of those stories that I can read and watch over, and over again without getting tired of it. My friends think that it's funny when I cry. I cry watching "Mulan," for goodness sakes! I am such a sap. Rather, I feel a connection with these characters. Through the characters and the story lines, I feel my inadequecies, insecurities, my failings, my sadness and sorrows growing up. I realize that I have a long life ahead of me, and that I still have a lot of growing up to do - but those are the feelings that overwhelm me while I watch each scene unfold in my mind. As an Asian American child (or with any child I'm sure) I sought the praise, love, attention, and affection of my parents. The stereotpyical Asian family does not often share their emotions, and my family is no exception. I guess the reason I get choked up watching the movie or reading the novel is - like the characters, it took me a long time to realize that my parents never needed to tell me these things that sought, because in their heart, I know their feelings towards me. I realize and appreciate the opprotunittes and the unconditioonal love they shower me with. Even if they do not vocalize it. I realize that my parents are proud of me, and of the accomplishments that I do achieve. Although I may not suceed at everything that I do, they appreciate me for all my good qualities and triumphs; and love me for all my faults and quirks. It was a long, hard lesson to learn - I love and appreciate my family very much for all they've done for me. They've made me into the strong woman that I am today. In many ways I can compare my little circle of freinds to the mothers and daughters of this wonderful novel. We haven't suffered any major catastrophy, but we share other things that are similar to the characters. We each bring our own distinct personalities and characteristics onto the table. I think that this is a wonderful and unique quality that will keep us together for a very long time. I only wonder if my freinds feel the same way. As the years move forward and as we each move onto different phases of our lives; I wonder if we will drift apart, or if we will keep in touch and stay friends thoughout our lifetime. I sincerely hope it's the latter. I finished The Lord of the Rings. I am either going to start Angela's Ashes, or The Wind in the Willows next. 05/20/01 10:55PM - Witing for my laundry to finish. I do my laundry 3-weeks at a time (yes, I ACTUALLY have enough clothes to last me 3 weeks) so it's pretty much a day-long affair. It's no wonder I hate folding my clothes. So I thought I'd log on a write down a few musings. It's been almost 3 weeks since I last updayed this thing (and apparently, since I did my last batch of laundry). I am not too sure what has happened in the time between. Everything seems like such a blur to me. There have been so many moments that I wanted to just log on and share, but have forgotten. They were fleeting moments, and now it just seems like such a waste because they're gone. On the bright side of things, I'm savoring my time now and have SOME things that I have remembered to keep in mind while typing this update. My father came home yesterday after being in NYC for 3 weeks babysitting my nephew. Seriously. My brother in law came had the chicken pox and although James had already stayed home for 1 week after the exposure, a parent of one of the kids at his day care called the city's health department and sent him home for an additional 3 weeks. How much does that suck? In the middle of my first set of midterms my mom asked me "Do you want to go to New York to babysit James?" I thought she was kidding. The next monday, my dad was on a flight to NYC. He's home now, and it's good to have him back. It's been less than 24 hours and already I have watched at least 3 VHS cassettes filled with footage of my nephew and looked though two sets of pictures. I think there is one more roll to be developed. He's a cutie pie. I'll have to see what I can do about getting some new pictures up of him My work is going well. I have been assigned to two cases, and my hours are now stable since I am off from training. The best part is, I have an afternoon shift (YES!!!) so I can sleep in a little bit. I have never really been much of a morning person anyway. I hope things wprl put for me with this company. There's lots of room to grow and always a possibility of relocating since their clientele is constantly expanding and new offices are being set up nationwide and internationally. I still haven't found myself a man. The search continues. I think I went clubbing a few times since the last update - all to no avail. Pherhaps I'm still not mentally ready to date. Whatever - I know I'm just picky. Besides, I'm not the type of person who goes looking to hook up at a bar or a club. Those are not exactly the best places to rreally get to know a person. I had fun anyway, and that's all that matters! I feel at times as if I've become a more bitter and cynnical person lately. The tiniest things and quirks annoy the crap out of me. I, of course will voice my opinion, but I wonder - am I just being overly sensitive and bitchy? Perhaps I should be more concerned with the feelings of others. I cannot help but feel howver, that this time, it's okay for me to be a selfish, slef-righteous bitch. After all of the accomodations I have made for others in the past - it's their turn to accomodate to my requests now. I'm drawing a blank. I think it's time for me to say TTFN. I'll write more then the writer's block leaves me. 05/08/01 10:18PM - At the library supposedly studying. Yeah right! Midterm week has come and gone. I'm in between midterms again. I haven't really been to class in a week because of training. I still can't sleep until like 2-3AM, and I'm scheduled to arrive at work at 8AM. I get about 3-4 hours of sleep each night. I don't know how much longer I can last. This schedule is killing me! On the bright side, I enjoy what I'm doing, and for once I feel as if I'm actually doing something that is going to help me in the future. It's not a shit job, like all the other jobs I've had. I'm actually making a difference in the lives of the kids I work with, and in turn they are helping me direct what I want ot do in the future. Finally, a job that actually pertains not only to my major, but also my life. You have no idea how happy I am about that. I got my graduation announcements in over the weekend. I should probably send them out sometime this week, but they are mostly going to my relatives so I gotta ask mom and dad for their addresses. I'm too poor to send any to my freinds. They'll just get an e-mail from me. I'm a poor startving student, they'll understand. I'm still afraid about my future and what I'm going to do with my life - but at least now I am somewhat comforted that I have something that I can fall back on, especially with this new job. yesterday they even sent me out on my own with a kid. ohhh.... I'm kinda getting lazy now. I dropped a class earlier this quarter so I could get an extra hour of sleep. Yesterday I dropped another one of my classes because I didn't want to do the readings and the paper that was assigned for the midterm. Talk about senior-itis! I now am only taking two classes. ALRIGHT!!! I am such a slacker! =P I din't even really need the class anyway. I only need one class to graduate - so I'll be okay. The class was on social devance. It sounded so cool and interesting when I was reading about it in the student catalog. Then when I went to lecture and read the text...z...z...z...zz... (deja vu. did I already say that before?) I am happier now, but I also have a big-ass gap between my class that ends at 12:30PM and the one that starts at 5:30PM. grrr.... Maybe I'll just go home. eat lunch, nap and then head back to school. hmmm... I'm still working on reading The Lord of the Rings. It's starting to totally lag. I now pick up the book, read a few pages, then fall fast asleep . That means either the book is really boring, or I'm just really tired. What do you think? Of course, my theory could be confounded by the fact that I'm not getting any sleep. Oh well. I also reading In The Name of The Father, You know, the book/life story the Daniel Day Lewis movie is based on. Whatever happened to Daniel Day lewis anyway? Did he just disappear??? Book is getting pretty good. I just started it and am getting to the nitty-gritty. I saw "Blow" (Johnny Depp) with Peter of Friday. It was good to hang out with him. We talked, and it was nice - possibly our first really deep, meaningful, conversation. We were both just talking about our lives. Both of us basically grew up much faster than we really wanted to. We were both given a lot of responsibilities and feel as if we didn't really get to experience a "real childhood." I'm not feeling cheated or anything though. I have just learned that I cannot live though life reflecting and regretting the past, because it's not as if you can change the it. I live for the present and the future. I only hope that I can do as I say. Peter may be going away to grad school. I'm happy for him. He deserves to just break out and enjoy life. Anyway, "Blow" was a really good movie. Kinda depressing though, but really good and really well made. The Penlope Cruz chick bugs me though. She's so damn skinny and is such a slut in all the movies she is in. On Saturday I watched "Bridget Jones' Diary" (Colin Firth, Hugh Grant, Renee Zelwiger). What a hillarious movie. It is a movie I would definately want to watch if i want a good laugh. Colin Firth and Hugh Grant looked pretty damn good in the movie. *sigh* Like "Someone Like You," it's a movie that makes me want a boyfriend in my life. Then again, just because I'm dateless, doesn't mean I'm desperate. The movie was really good, your basic "chick flick." One thing that bugged me thoughwas that they had a song from "Someone Like You," on teir soundtrak- and they played it twice during the movie. That kinda got on my nerves, but I'm just a nitpicky person for noticing irrelevant crap like that. "The Mummy Returns," just came out. Not really wanting to see it, but I heard it was okay. The only reason i may ever want to see it is because of the cool chick fights. Not just beacuse they're chick fights, but because I heard that the choreography of the fight was cool, and I am all about sword fights (or any well choreographed fights with sharp objects, really). it just looked really cool in the previews. |