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03-26-01 5:35PM - I'm looking for a job now. I have gotten a call back for an interview with a background search agency. Cool. I interview Fri. Wish me luck. I went grocery shopping today at the Asian Market. I don't know how it is in other places, but I swear! I remember now why I hate going to places like that. I went to Ranch 99. It's one of the BIG chain Asian Markets here in SD. The place was packed, and it was as if I had to fight my way, in order to get to the things I wanted, and keep my place at the checkout lines. It's harder for me because I'm still young. The Asian culture tends to look down upon kids until we are like 30 or 40-ish. Until then, you're fighting to the things you need, fighting for their attention, and fighting for their respect. I get really gaititated when I have to go shopping at 99 all by myself - for those exact reasons. It's like I'm a little fish in a big sea of ...well bigger fish.   Next time, I'm bringing backup! To celebrate my birthday, my friends and I are going to go out on Sat. I have picked a little continental cuisine restaraunt nearby for dinner, and we may go clubbing in Downtown SD afterwards. Who knows? If I'm tipsy enough, and in a good mood - I may actually dance with a guy this time! =P I have to take passport pictures sson and renew my expired passport. I'm going to Scotland in Aug for James' Christening! I swear! That kid is going to do a lot of travelling in his lifetime. Righ tnow he's in Costa Rica! I admit it, I'm jealous.
03/20/01 2:20PM - I have been meaing to write for the past few days, but with the rolling blackouts (DAMN SDGE!!!) and my final exams at hand; I have been unable to do so until now. I just finished Charlotte Bronte's Jane Eyre. What a wonderful novel it is. I just couldn't put it down - and when I did, I was regretful and sought out my book at my nearest convenience. I am finshed now with the novel. It has been such a long time since I have been completely envolved in a novel. It was a refreshing feeling.
I am now 22 years old. Funny. I still have the face of a teenager, but I feel 30. I know I'm still young, but with all the stuff that has been happening over the years, I really do feel like an old, tired lady. Sad. That's why it was so refreshing to be able to absorb myself into a novel as I used to in my younger years. Perhaps reading novels will be my fountain of youth? I wonder what would happen with the world if only someone had the power to turn back time.
My psychology project is starting to come together. The only problem is that we have one person in the group who does hardly any work. I think she feels she is excuse because she gave notice ahead of time that she would not be available to participate much (which none of the other members heard-including myself). However, we were warned in the beginning of class that "If you don't have time for this class, you shouldn't take it." She should have not taken the class and expected us to do all the work. Now she has one of the most important sections and has no idea what is going on and what to write about it. Great. I think I really might want to just kick the living daylights out of that girl. Grr.... Not only does she want us to accomodate her schedule, but she wants us to do the work for her. What's the logic in that?
Financial woes. I really must tighten my belt and start earning money now. I also must find work that is relevant to me, my life, my major. I have student loans, bills, and now I don't know if my parents can help support me anymmore. They have lost much with the recent stock market losses. I onlt hope that things will start to turn for the better. But they never happen, do they? Are there any more happy endings left in my life? I know recessions take at least 10 years to turn around and right itself - but what if I don't have 10 years to wait? *Sigh* I really do hate growing up at times and facing the realities of life. Sometimes they can be so bleak and unhappy.
03/11/01 9:45PM - I watched Simon Birch the last night. I am such a sap. I pretty much cried thoughout the whole movie. I was sobbing, blubbering, with snot dripping from my nose, and tears running down my cheek. I paint a lovely picture don't I? It was a very Religious-oriented movie, but it was very endearing at the same time. Sometimes I think we all have a bit of Simon's character in all of us. I always feel as if I'm destined for something great, something better, something that will make me happy. Maybe it is in my pursuit of these dreams, that I overlook the things in front of me and fail to appreciate them. Am I keeping myself from being happy? I surely hope not. What do you think?
I went to work last night, and while I was taking a call, I felt something wierd on the bottom of my seat. I ignored it, but I began to feel kinda chilly, and it began to get kind of drafty. I then turned around and noticed that my jeans had ripped along the seams of my back pocket, and that the bottom of my right ass cheek was practically exposed! Luckily, I was wearing a sweatshirt that evening (and nobody sits behind me), so I daintily took off my sweatshirt and wrapped it around my waist. Crap like that only happens to me. I thought it was funny as heck, until I realized I was wearing my new Calvin Kelin jeans I had bought at Nordstom Rack. Dammit!!! They were comfortable too!!! I'm now beginning to wonder, is my ass expanding? I'm just reconcilling myself with the notion that my jeans were just poorly made.
People keep asking me what am I going to do for my birthday, and what do I want for my birthday. I don't know what I'm going to do yet; and although this may sound cheezy, all I want is just to be happy. At some point or another in my life, I don't want to have to worry about money, or ther people, I want to be loved, be happy, and be taken care of - if only for just an instant.
03/09/01 11:55AM - I called in sick to work today. I didn't want to go and I had a monster mirgaine. The last time I went to work with a migraine, I ended up going home early because I puked at work. Eech... I don't want to repeat that performance. I'm frantically trying to see what prospects I have for my psych project. We are now analyzing the data from another group that is fdoing almost the same project. A lot of the stuff we were going to study isn't there, but we'll have to make do. After getting the OK from the RA's and then also distributing almost 230 surveys, we got 14 surveys back from the dorms. Serves us right for trying to do everything last minute and being so ill prepared. As we were looking though the surveys we got back,   I found that we were ,missing a page from the middle of the surveys. Crap. What else can go wrong?
I was having a good dream last night. I don't know who the guy was in my dreams. but he was hot!!!! I was driving with him somewhere, and then I miraculously was in the passenger seat of this car, and just waking up from a nap to find him driving in pasedena somewhere. It's always strange how everything in dreams make so much sense when you're dreaming it; but once you wake up it's like, "WHAT THE F***K??" I was happy, riding along in the car, spending quality time with this hunk, until my sister decided to turn on her CD and radio really loud and woke me up. Poo!
So my other friend Emily and I were talking this weekend. She too thought that I wasn't making myself avalable. So now I've got two friends scolding me about my single status. Argh! Perhaps it's true. After 2 years, the "baggage" excuse tends to be a little weak (even though I havd financial baggage). I'll think about it... Maybe the guy from my dreams will swoop in on his shining steed and wisk me away. Yeah right!
03/07/01 12:20AM - So I quit. Yay! My last day of work will be March 17th. Yippee! Free at last! This weekend I'll have to work Fri, Sat, and Sun though. Ugh. Just beacuse I needed Fri off for a final. Damn! I have so much work to catch up on. I'm Just sick of everything. I'm ready for spring break. Heck! I'm ready to graduate. I just need to find myself another job now. Something more related to my firled of study/my interests. If only more magazine/print publication magazine companies were based out of SD. *sigh* I'll just have to look for a job downtown or something. What else am I interseted in? I don't really know. I just need to get ot of customer service. People suck! I had better get going now. I catually have to wash dishes before I head to bed, and I have got to be at work by 8:30AM tomorrow.
03/02/01 1:18AM - I don't want to talk about my survey today. I'm tired of my job. I've been complaining about it for several months now, and even though I don't have another job lined up yet- I'm turning in my 2 week notice today (or later this morning when I work). I'm just tired of what I do. It gives me absolutely no satifaction whatsoever. The pay is pretty good, but I cannot fathom doing it 8 hours a day, 40 hours a week. When i started thinking about that I literally got depressed. So I'm looking for something new.    I turn in my 2-week notice tomorrow, that will give me work until Spring Break. I'll look for a new job then. In the meantime, I must study for finals and work on my resume. It's time I get started on my career.
02/28/01 6:42PM - I am totally and completely F**KED!!!!!! It's the end of the world, I'm cursed and I know it! In relation to my little survey dillemma, we went to the other site to distribute the rest of the surveys today. Apparently the people there also did not like our survey and were offended by our questions also. In this case we were not "promoting hate." Instead we were "feeding into the stereotypes of an elderly community," and they felt that they "were targeted" for that reason. F**CK ME!!! All I want is for the surveys to be filled. I had so many people look at it, and no one found it offensive. However, I guess the elderly community read into the questions and found other issues that were not really there. So out of the 400+ surveys that we printed, only 150 were distrubuted. Out of the 150 that were distributed, only 26 people responded. Out if the 26 that responded, only 5 completed the entire survey. I'm screwed.
My group and I talked to our professor about this concern. He said we had to get a larger survey sample. That's all he could advise us at this time. Sh*t. So we're now desperately appealing to the RA's at the Revelle dorms. PLEASE!!! My grades are depended on this... I can see it go flushing down the toilet as I type. *sigh* Oh yeah - we were kicked out of the second place. Wankers!
So now I'm at the library here on campus. I've decided not to leave until either 8:30PM or until all the RA's get back to me (I've only met with 2 thus far, and they've given me the "OK" - Bless them). Only 5 more to go and then life will be okay, and I may be able to piece the shambles of my project together. Everything will be alright...it will work itself out. (I hope.) *crosses her fingers*
On a positive note, my professor didn't forsee all this backlash and all this refusal to participate. So he's taking partial responsibilty. Perhaps his pity towards our group will sofen the blow when it comes time to distribute grades. Please be kind. =)