01/06/01 12:52AM - I have a headache. Not a strong headache, or a migraine (which I am prone to when I am stressed out), just a mild headche. That's what I get for not eating right today and being too lazy to cook or buy something. Oh well. Laziness is one of my vices, but I just don't really feel motivated to do much right now. It seems to me, that every time I come back from a vacation, I want to change my life. I re-evlauate a lot of things and I get to thinking about my life and all the circumstances and little nit-picky things that are involved/intertwined in my life. I am not a happy camper. I have a lot of responsibilites and unfinished "loose ends" to take care of; yet I want to move on with my life and constantly change. I don't know where my future is headed or what I'm going to do with my life. It's so weird. Growing up really isn't all it's cracked up to be. If someone had told me I was going to be where I am right now when I was much younger, I would have probably lived a more care-free lifestyle. In a certain way I was forced to grow up a bit faster than others. My sisters are 10 and 11 years older than me, and although I love my family dearly - I don't think I could confide in anyone within my family. I have learned to deal with things on my own over a period of time. My mother also owns a small hair salon. While my freinds were out playing, shopping, or hanging out at the malls - I spent my weekends and most afternoons helping out. A lot of people I meet say I act and sound much older than I am. I feel that I am older in many ways. ... Cont... 01/04/01 10:35PM - I just got in from NY a few hours ago, I sorted through all my mail and sat right down in front of the computers. If not for the time, I would be making my regular "Miss me?" calls. I did all the usual things that I do when I'm in town. I hit most of the major museums. I didn't have time to visit the MOMA though. What a bummer. I went to the Frick collection for the first time though. What an awesome museum. It's right by the MET. I'm shocked that I had missed it on all my previous trips. I highly recommend that place to everyone. The collection is awesome! I finally got to do the New Year's thing at Times Square. it's like one of those things you have to do once in your life, and only once. I really don't see the point of spending several hours out in the blistering cold, packed like sardines into little "holding pens" to count down the new year. Whatever. I can say I did it, and I'll probably never do it again. We arrived at about 6-ish, and they didn't play music or anything for the crowd until 11PM. Otherwise, I was just standing around. If my sister weren't with me I would have probably said "Fuck it, I'm going back home." I can always watch Dick Clark on TV (and we didn't even get to see him OR the boradcast! I feel so cheated!). There were a lot of people drunk and making out, and a lot of stupid people pverall. Go fig. Ahh... the effects of the holidays and alcohol... My nepehew is cute. He's chubby, like a little mini buddah. I'll post pictures when they get developed and scanned in. Knowing my usual pace, that will probably take about 1 month or so. I would have updtaed my site from NY, but my laptop and my internet connection sucks. Oh well. I don't think there is really much else to say about my trip. It snoed, it was cold. I still want to move to NY and live in the city. Perhaps I'm a masochist??? Haha! I was supposed to meet up with a few people, but plans fell though. Oh well. Sometimes things just don't work out. In any case, it was a good trip and I'm bummed that I had to go home. On a brighter note, there's no place like home, and it's nice to be able to sleep in your own bed for once. I have to go to my chiropractor soon though. My back is totally tweaked, and I need a few bones cracked. 12/23/00 1:00AM - I'm all packed and ready to go. New York City, here I come! 12/21/00 3:32PM - I still have the mucus and coughing thing going on, but for the most part, my flu is gone. Yippee!!! thank goodness for Nyquil. That medicine kicks ass, but it tastes horribe. I've been basically doing medicine shots in those little dosage cups they manufacture. YUCK!!! I chase it with a whole glass of water each time in a pointles effort to get rid of the after taste. Yummy thought, eh? I finally finished Catch 22 the other night. I don't know what I'm going to bring to read in New Yrok now. That book is so weird. It has its own set of logic. Some of the little mini-stories were pretty funny though. I have to admit, it had me laughing in many places. It kinda reminds me of Catcher in the Rye. I really should get packing. NY is only 2 days away! Yippee!!! 12/19/00 6:14PM - I'm sick. =( I woke up Sunday morning with a scratchy throat, which I attributed to the santa ana conidtions we were having. I was wrong. Monday I felt like shit. So I had my dadddy buy me some Nyquil and Nyquil daytime. That stuff burns on the way down!!! Crazy. Oh well. At least I feel better. I still sound like crap, and can barely talk, but at least my fever is gone and I'm feeling better. I just hope I am better by the time I get to NY. I'm going to keep medicating mysef until I feel completely well! I can't beleive I'm leaving this Saturday! Yippee!!! Let the good times begin! Everybody belived we would never be Look at us up above , we are so in love Every day in your arms, baby can't go wong We are strong, look at us now! - Sarina Paris I've had this song in my head for the past few days. Kinda catchy. 12/18/00 1:20AM - I just got off the phone with the friend I was talking about last week. We chatted and "hashed a few things out." It will take a while, but I think we're both going to try and repair our friendship. Things are looking good again. They're still not great, but it's looking better. 12/17/00 10:04PM - My mom is a cosmetologist (sp?). Basically she does hair and make-up. She has had her own little store in the local mall ever since I was in 5th or 6th grade. So many people have come and gone through her doors over the past several years, and many more will follow in the years to come. Her employees have also had quite a turn-around over the past few years. There are always those who come and go, then there are the few who I have known ever since I was a scrawny girl in elementary school. We had our little annual holiday party this evening. It's almost sad to realize how many people take my mom for granted. She does a lot for them; throwing them these parties, helping them through all their tough times, and a whole bunch of other little things. However, I doubt many of them realize her generosity, nor will any of them repay her for all that she's done for them. Also, even though I have known some of these people for many years, I don't think I can trust but a couple of them. People have stolen from her, broken her trust... It's so sad. I'm sure my mom realizes what happens before her eyes, I wonder how she deals with it? Perhaps she does her best to forge a solid relationship with her employees - but in the end, it all comes down to business. Isn't that a bitter way of looking at things? - Then again, I am for the most part, a bitter and cynnical person. 12/16/00 1:38AM - I saw a Hootie and the Blowfish concert the other night. I don't really know any of their songs, and I'm not a big fan... But heck! It was free, and they were acutally pretty good live. =) I think there was more I wanted to say, but I can't remember right now. I have such a horrible memory. It's sad. I realize I censor a lot of what I share on my web page because I think things are inappropriate, or I think they will hurt others. Then I realize that it isn't fair for everyone else to expect me to censor myslef - and that I ought to be able to express myself in any way I see fit. Then again. I'm expressing myself to strangers most of the time, when I should be expressing myself to my freinds. Sometimes I feel as if I give, I give, and I give - yet get nothing in return. Sometimes I feel lost, empty, and lonely inside. Life is awkward like that. But I guess it's those awkward moments that help us treasure those moments that are especially meaningful to us. I'm getting sentimental... This has got to stop. |