11/26/00 12:06AM -
"My teas' gone cold, I'm wondering why I.. Got out of bed at all.
The morning rain clouds my window, and I can't see at all.
Even if I could, it'd all be grey, but your picture on my wall...
It reminds me that it's not so bad..It's not so bad at all..." - Dido "Thank You"
I totally love this "hook. I don't know why. I can't get enough of it. It's so intoxicating. Went X-mas shopping today. Accomplished....nothing. =) I bought sneakers the sneakers I needed for NY though. I'm considering bringing my boots instead, but I want to be comfortable and I don't want to fall on my ass in the snow. Oh well... If it doesn't work out, I can always return it. Life is....ehhh... boring...
11/21/00 11:20AM - I have a little story to tell. Not one of my most glorious moments, but it really is funny. I was driving home with Cherlyn from work when something irritated my contacts. the pain and discomfort was too overwhelming and I had to pull over. It turns out that one of my eyelashes had fallen into my eyes and was the source of my discomfort. So I rinsed my contact lens and as I was about to pop it back into my eye, it fell from my fingertips. It's 11:30PM, I'm pulled over to the side of the road, blind in one eye, and I've got my hazzards on. Cherlyn just laughs at me while I'm frantically trying to grope around, hoping to find my contacts. We were pulled over for a few minutes awhen a cop car cruised by and pulled in behind me. How pathetic is that? Just as the police offer was coming out if his car, I found my contact lens. I quickly doused it with drops (I didn't need it to dry out), and told the officer my conact lens had popped out. I think both he and Cherlyn had a good laugh that night. I know I did. Things like that only happen to me. I swear! I have three papers to write this week. I don't know what the thesis will be for one of the papers, and although I have gathered research on another one... I am totally dumbfounded as to how I'm going to write it. The third one shouldn't be too bad. That one is only two pages long. I really need a vacation. I can't wait until NY. Oh the sights I will see and the fun I will have!!! In the meantime, I have to work this Thanksgiving. No turkey-day for me.
I wonder why people feel drawn to others. Why do we have this fear of being alone? I know so many people who stay in a relationship out of fear of lonliness. It's sad. I am blessed. I have never had to fear being alone. I know I will always have my family and my freinds to support me. Even so, I feel lonely at times. Something that family and freinds cannot allieveiate from me. I think it's because I haven't been in a relationship for 2 years. I know this topic somes up over and over again. I wonder if it's me, or my environment that prevents me from getting involved. Perhaps I'm not ready to trust..or maybe I have not found anyone to trust. Perhaps I'm just too critical. *sigh* Emotions are so fickle.
I think there was something else I wanted to mention today, but I cannot seem to remember anymore. My mind is so fleeting and also very spontaneous. I'm reading a Christopher Pike book now. I used to enjoy reading him when I was younder and picked up the book out of nostalgia. With all the "heavy reading" and all the papers I have had to type out, I think I deserve a break. I need to just be able to enjoy something without being overly critical of it. I wonder... Will I ever relax?
11/20/00 10:30AM - Lan's birthday was so funny. After two light, mixed drinks and a 1/2 shot of tequila..she was already a bit tipsy. Unfortunately we care all too much about our freinds (and what her parents would do to her), to make her get totally tanked on her 21st. She had fun nonethless and we all had our laughs. Since I had to drive I didn't drink much. I only I had a little sip of everyone's drink and finished Lan's tequila shot. When I came home I was craving more tequila, but it just seems so pathetic to drink at home by yourself. Someday the girls will all have to go out and get plastered, and we'll just have to volunteer one of the guys to pick us up and drop us off.
It's amazing when you realize the friends you've got, and what they mean to you. Yestrday's party also turned out to be a little lesson in freindship. Let's just say that people learned who their true freinds were and who were not. In the end, everything worked out happily, and everyone had fun. I remembered my camera, but still have about 10 more pictures to take before the roll is finished. I may have to just go to school with my camera today and take pictures of random things.
Perhpas I'll save my pictures for when I go to work on Wed. My "section" (the people I work with the most) is getting broken up beacuse our supervisor had to go on a leave of absence. I'm very bummed. I was so happy being with the people I was with. So I think I shall try to take pictures of them before we get broken up at the end of this week. It's really hard for me to get comfortable with people in the work setting I'm in. It's such a big building, and it's like a giant high school. Everyone is telling gossip about one person or another, and people are constantly dating eachother. It's like 90210! Scandalous! What drama! I wonder what section I'm going into next....
So here's my little "deep thought of the day..." If you think of all the people you meet in your life, all your freinds, relatives, acquaintances; all the people you've dealt with in one way or another. I wonder how many of them were influenced by my presence in their lives, and vice versa? How have they influnced me and made me who I am?
11/19/00 1:25AM - One of the superviosrs at the place I work used to be high school and bowling buddies with my ex. I was actually supposed to go to his wedding and whatnot. We've never really talked about my ex. but today he asked me about him. It was kinda cool though, I got a lot of things out and I know he doesn't hold anything against me. I'm glad for that. It would make things so much harder for me if his freinds (some of which are our mutual freinds) think badly for me. Then again, I shouldn't be worried. I never did anything wrong to him.
Work pretty much is pure druggery. It was busy today..call after...call after...call... "Why did my policy cancel!!!" ... "Um... MAYBE you should have paid your premium when it was due..." Where do all these stupid people come from?
11/16/00 11:35PM - Today is Lan's Birthday!!! She's turning 21! Yay! Now we can all go bar hopping! This weekend, I think we're going to do something to celebrate, but I don't know what yet. Pictures will probably be up....eventually... (Still trying to talk dad into buying a digital camera. It's such a pain waiting for the pictures to develop, and then having to scan them in!). If you frequent this site, you may have noticed I didn't post any pictures from my little B-day bash. That's because it was just tiny and I didn't really bring a camera. It was nice to have freinds around me, but I just wanted to spend quality time with my closest freinds and with my family. I think that sort of sentimentality is a sign that I'm getting old. If I don't look it, I sure so feel it!
I got a note from Tina today. She is probably one of the few people to actually read the crap I put here and was concerned about yesterday's entry. Thanks Tina! I appreciate your concern. It's always nice to know you have people care about you. I'm lucky in that aspect! Seriously though, I'm okay, and I appreciate the concern. =)
11/15/00 11:59 PM - I'm very upset today. I'm just really tired and have to deal with a lot of stuff. Have you ever out a lot of faith and trust into someone, only to have it broken time and time again? I'm not hurt, I'm just disappointed. I really should learn that you cannot change a person... Not that I'd ever want to..But people eventually have to grow up and face their responsibilites, right? I have a midterm and a paper tomorrow, both of which I've done very little to help myself...so I must get going now. Otherwise, I'd still be writing. (Believe me! I'd rather be writing in this!!!)