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| February 2end 2002 - Today is my first entry... I don't really know what to say.... Well, one thing is for sure. I've been getting a lot of diferent ideas in my head.... Fist of all, I keep thinking about dreams... That could be bacuse I've been having some pretty damn interesting dreams lately... I can write them down in here.... Hmm... maybe I will.... I guess I shouldn't put it off any more or else I'll end up forgetting all about it.... Okay here goes... The dream almost aways startsn out the same... I am in a school that I used to go to... I am walking from the main foyer.... then I fly up the main stairs.... (have I mentioned that during all this I am flying and naked as a jaybird? Well, I am) As I get to the top of the stairs I aim toward the gymnasium... I hear music coming from it... Happy, loud music.... As soon as I get to the gym door (the big double door kind) I settle on the ground (still naked)... Then I push the door open with both hands and as soon as I step through the door I am dressed in an old fashioned red gown.... The kind with long sleeves and low neckline... I am startled for a moment because inside the gym it is night time and outside it's bright and sunny... The music now changes also... It becomes haunting.... Slow and melodic yet scary all at the same time... I walk inside never the less and slowly walk toward the middle of the gym... the gym is filled with people... They have no faces... they have heads though... they appear to be of all ages and are both male and female... dressed in old style clothing... It's dark everywhere.... Then out of the crowd comes a young man... I know he has a face but can't seem to se it in the dark.... He walks toward me and offers me his hand... he wants to dance... all throughout this no one is making any sounds... I can't hear anything but the music... As we start dancing the music becomes higher pitched yet heavier to listen to... We slowly start to rise off of the floor... As we are flouting above the ground at about 20ft, I hear something glass shattering.... I can never figure out what it was no matter how hard I try to remember.... I then let go of my companion and he drops to the floor.... That is when I hear other sounds... People screaming... Loud and high piched screams of death.... Dark blood starts seeping from the young man sprawled on the ground and every time even a drop of blood touches a peson they turn into stone.... The blood makes it's way all across the gym floor... The screams slowly stop as all turn into silent statues... I am still floating above it all and watch silently... My face shows no emotion at all.... I then turn around and see a window high above in a corner... It's a tiny window but I can see many things from it... The forest and a slight hill and a beautiful pale yellow moon... It's a cresent moon.... I stare at the scene longinglly for a few minutes and then I do something very unexpected.... I transform into a crow... I fly toward and out the window into the night.... That is the end of my dream... If anyone out there has any idea what it means please contact me... I would sure love to figure that one out... Although I won't lie awake at night thinking about it... |
| February 10th 2002 - Okay people... So I won't be writing everyday... doesn't matter really... You know those times thta you are really relaxed and thinking nothing in the world can possibly go wrong? Yeah... that is exactly how I am feeling right now... Just finished meditating and still feeling a bit out of it.... by "it" I mean reality... I'm kinda feeling like whatever I do right now will not matter later on because it's not real and there will be no later on... Okay... that sounded so much clearer in my head but meh.... who cares... Just feeling so in peace with the entire universe... And without any drugs... I mean.... WOW! Just that past alone still amazes me.... Yeah it's true that everyone does drugs once in a while, but then it's all artificial peace... I'm not saying that it's wrong.... I am not against drugs myself... I believe that pot should be legal so we could all enjoy it in public... School would be awsome if it was legal.... Can you just imagine the kind of classes we would have if our teachers came to class all doped up... Hmm.... that's food for thought.... Anywho... yeah... where was I? Riight.... so drugs are okay but shouldn't be a substitude for meditation.... 'cause in my mind that is what really relaxes a person... When you just sit or lay there in either complete silence or with some calm soothing music... there is nothing in the world better.... Well.... some things maybe... but let's not get into the pleasures of the flesh... oh my.... gotta hate how your mind works huh? The thoughts you want the least in your head are the ones that keep coming back to you.... It's kinda like when you can't hate someone 100%... It's true... In your heart you hav emostly three emotions.. Hate, Love, and Fear.... Now if you hate someone you just can't not love or fear them at the same time... When you fear someone, you either hate or love them at the same time for whatever reason you choose but you still do... then there is love.... if you really truely love someone.... deep down inside you might feel just a little bit of fear and/or hate for them... I know that it is a somewhat not so happy thought but it's something i believe... Let me give you an example just to help you understand... You may love someone with all your heart but inside the deepest darkest corner in your heart you might fear them so much you can't take it.... Fear not them as a person but fear them leaving you.... Even though you might tell yourself that it won't happen.... It just might and you know it... Either that or you hate them so much because of the fact that you love them and you might think that it is an emotion for the weak only and not for you... Whatever reasons you might have... THey are there.... Just something to remember.... Discalmer: these examples are just that examples.. they didn't actually happen to me or were not felt by me... I just gave you something to ponder..... |
| February 26th 2002 - Okay People, so I actually have time to update this old thing... Well, I really didn't want to but my 'lil sis made me do it.. Grrrr..... Screw her I say... WAIT!!! Not really... Anywho... you know that feeling when you really really do not know how to make your mind up... When you have to reach a umm... cusp in your life, and you do not know what the hell to do? I hate it! I hate is so damn much. Why, I even hate it more then I hate my neighbours... Hard to imagine, i know.. Anywho... I guess I am trying to say that it's really hard for me to do so... You see... (and I'll try to do this so no one will really know what I'm talking about) I have to choose wether to let another join my big time spell thing.... I know that I didn't really tell you guys about it and |
| March, 14th,2002 - I am very sorry to say that my last entery was not quite err... what's the word I'm looking for? Right... Decent. It was one of my less graceful entries. But I will insist on leaving it up. I have two simple reasons for this course of action... #1 - It shows that I too have a temper and like everyone else on this planet (with the exception of some VERY disciplined people(whom I admire but would not want to be them)) I have real emotions. And reason #2 - I believe that if it is up there long enough, my dear (dreaded) sister will stumble across it, and possibly change as a result of this(not gonna happen but I can dream). For those reasons it stays. Now, I have some real things to say. Well, on the global scale they are not quite important but seem important to me. Riiiiight.... So I'm thinking about what to do on the Spring Equanox which just happnes to be on March 21st.... During the spring break. This does make the matter of what to do a lot more fun because it introduces a lot more choices. So right now I'm thinking a nice picnic. I have the perfect two settings for it. I shall pick one of the two depending on the cicumstances. So, here they are. Either a nice little hill upon which rests a circle of stones overlooking a small pond with a sort of a undercover area to the other side. Really a nice little park. (Disadvantage - a high probability of a lot of people showing up if it it a sunny day) And the second choice is some sort of a lake... hopefully near by... So I am faced with these this decision... Well that and there is another decision I must make. I am looking for an Aquarious. And that, is quite hard to do. Allright, so I understand that there is a pretty good chance of meeting an aquarious soo, but hopefully it won't take too long. The reason for my search? Me (a Libra) and my friend (a Gemini) need the third Air sign. Because we believe that the elemental signs are all interlocked. Which makes us want to meet other signs within the Air category. Um hum.... I really don't have the time to write any more so I leave you with these words; Alea iacta est! (or in plain english : the die is cast!) |
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