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[
John Kenneth Galbraith
]
:
"The conventional view serves to protect us
from the painful job of thinking."
[
decisions
]
This afternoon, after work, I�m going to go to the University library and check out some books about Queen Elizabeth and Mary Queen of Scots. Read some good old fashioned smut. These two have come up a lot lately. For instance, my mother Ellen loves reading biographies and is a great reference when you need to know about a historical figure (I realize that some people prefer to treat words that start with �h� as vowel-starting words, and therefore would prefer I wrote �an historical figure,� and that would have been fun, but I didn�t do it for reasons that elude me). Anyway, moving on: Ellen rocks. When I was on my Roman Caesar kick, I knew she was just the person to consult. Now I�m on a Queen-kick, and Ellen has mentioned these two fighters to me before. Well, Jon is reading a book called The Code Book, by Singh. Saturday night, he told me about a portion of the book regarding Mary Stewart, Queen of Scots (or is it Stuart? Another reason to check out the books!). She was held 'captive' for some time, and thinking she was quite clever, dropped coded messages to her rescuers. Turns out, these coded messages were intercepted by a spy working for Queen Elizabeth (I want to mention here that I find it amazing the two never even met each other). Well, when Mary was out on a fox hunt (bad Mary!), she saw men with horses trotting toward her. My rescuers! she probably thought, but really they were Elizabeth�s men to arrest her (imagine calling her Beth?).
Mary was later executed. She completely unnerved the executioner though. First, when asked to take off her robe before kneeling on the block, she threw it off to reveal a bloodred dress. When she lay down, she was completely calm and very still. Before lying down, she told the executioner that she forgave him. He was freaking out and almost couldn�t lift the ax. When the deed was done, her lips moved, reportedly, for fifteen minutes afterward, �as if in prayer.� The executioner lifted her head by the hair, only to discover that her red curls were a wig. The head, with its natural short gray hair, rolled away from him.
Talk about bad dreams.
Anyway, yesterday while crocheting some granny squares for an afghan, I came across �The History of Britain� on the History Channel (one of my favorites), and they focussed on Queen Elizabeth and Mary Queen of Scots. Now I want to read more.
Imagine that you could see a documentary of your life? Ever see Defending Your Life with Meryl Streep and Albert Brooks? They die and go to a place between heaven and reincarnation. You have to defend your life. If you can defend it well, you're given passage to heaven. If you can�t, you go back to live your life over until you �get it right.� Very karmic. Well, imagine we all really had that opportunity? What would people say about you during the interviews? For real? How would history think of you? I believe that every person has some great life story that deserves a documentary. Think of how worthy you�d feel, and how hard you�d try to live your life as best you can if you knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that your life was being recorded and people were going to watch?
Take this journal, for example. I�ve been keeping a journal for years and years, but in that journal, I could fill ten pages about how much I�d rather be reading a book or watching TV. I have literally had many entries full of me saying �I don�t want to write and am only doing it because I have to, because I said I would. Keep the pen moving, keep the pen moving. Man! I�m tired!� and I�d write that all down about five hundred times. Not interesting! But now I have decided to post my journal (well, a journal) online, and have an audience. I can�t expect they�ll come back if I write that bullshit all day, now can I? So I try to be real. I try to say something I would say were I to meet a person who wanted to hear all about me (ha ha ha--I kill myself with how funny I am).
I have thought a lot about this journal over the weekend. I wanted to come in a few times and write, but couldn�t find the energy. I crocheted a lot. I have a lot to get done before Christmas. The big thing I thought about though was how badly I wish I hadn�t told people I know about my new website. Or at least, put my journal somewhere else. Now I need disclaimers. But I know that despite a disclaimer, I�ll hold back. That sucks! I should�ve kept my fat lips shut. So I came up with an alternative that I think is going to be kind of great: I�m going to maintain this journal, because though it isn�t full of the raunchy details, it�s still honest (sometimes, tactlessly so), and it is still me. However, this new journal I�m going to start will be all those things I can�t say here because either they involve people who know each other and in the process, I�d be giving away their secrets, or because they are just . . . not appropriate. One hint: it will be on Diaryland. But other than that, it�s a secret. My own secret! I always wanted one.
I plan on making up a name. I plan on being completely anonymous. I plan on having fun and freaking out. I think it�s going to be absolutely great.
I also decided on something else (aside from our new houseguest getting worse and worse, making me more and more uncomfortable) *sigh*--I decided that I will post all my short stories that I have to date. Because if I do that, it will force me to start fresh. I really need to get going, create a rhythm. I need to find a writing partner in Rochester, NY. Meet with me!! Be my writing buddy! Don�t talk to me, don�t read my stuff, but meet me twice a week for two hours and when we shake hands, get a bottle of water, we sit down, we say, �Okay,� stretch our fingers, open our notebooks, and BOOM! �two hours.� And we�re off!!!
Go for the Jugular!!!!!!
Just the thought makes me so excited, and I wish, I really really wish I didn�t need that writing buddy, but I do just to get me started. To make me want it. To make me do it when my writing buddy stops showing up. Like exercise. Do it for at least three months with a partner until your body just needs it and you don�t need company. You just have to get it done cause your body says so. Like eating vegetables. I didn�t believe it when veggie books told me, your body will come to crave vegetables. After a while, it was so true! I need a writing buddy.
help.
I�m so proud of my sister. She updating her journal and she�s great and honest and I love her. I�m hoping to see her for Thanksgiving (taking donations! --that was a joke). We�re working on a plan. Wish her luck on her �good job� interviews and tests, and sign her guestbook! She�ll love you forever. I love her forever. Everybody�s happy!
One more night and the short bum is out of my house. Maybe we�ll go see The Glass House tonight. I like Leelee�s voice.
Whoever you are, go out and rent �You Can Count on Me.� I saw it in the theater a couple of months ago, and last night, Jon and I rented it (he hadn�t seen it). It�s such a great movie. I love it. I want to buy it. I think I will buy it.
Ah, so many great decisions!!
beam me up, scotty
back up : : index : : moving on
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the online journal of c.m. roberts: