1. So many men, so few who can afford me.

 2. God made us sisters; Prozac made us friends.

 3. If they don't have chocolate in heaven, I ain't going.

 4. At my age, I've seen it all, done it all, heard it all...I just
 can't remember it all.........

 5. My Mother is a travel agent for guilt trips.

 6. Princess - having had sufficient experience with princes - seeks
 frog.

 7. Coffee, chocolate, men . . . Some things are just better rich.

 8. Don't treat me any differently than you would the Queen.

 9. If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.

 10. Dinner is ready when the smoke alarm goes off.

 11. It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.

 12. I'm out of estrogen - and I have a gun.  (would also be great on a
 bumper sticker)

 13. Guys have feelings too.  But, like . . . who cares?

 14. Next mood swing: 6 minutes.

 15. I hate everybody . . . and you're next.

 16. And your point is...?

 17. I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.

 18. Warning: I have an attitude and I know how to use it.

 19. Of course I don't look busy . . . I did it right the first  time.

 20. Do NOT start with me.  You will NOT win.

 21. You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP.

 22. All stressed out and no one to choke.

 23. I'm one of those bad things that happen to good people.

 24. How can I miss you if you won't go away?

 25. Sorry if I looked interested.  I'm not.

 26. If we are what we eat, I'm fast, cheap and easy.

 27. Don't upset me! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

 28.  Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.

 29.  A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.

 30.  Age and Treachery always prevails over Youth and Skill.

 31.  Have a Nice Day Somewhere Else.