Imagine the following scenario:  A divorced single mother with one biological child, aged 4, remarries.  Her ex-husband never had a desire to be a father.  In an effort to evade child support for his biological child and avoid any contact or visitation with the child, he forfeits his parental rights.  The child becomes a sole ward of his mother.  Now that the mother is remarried her husband wishes to adopt his wife's child who is living in his home.  This should be a simple signature deal, perhaps a brief court hearing, since the child lives in the home, and his mother, his legal guardian, wants her husband to be her son's legal father.   This is not so simple in Franklin County- or anywhere else in Ohio for that matter.  Of course it CAN be done- my husband adopted my son in 1996, a year and a half, and numerous interrogations, a police records and BMV check, privacy invasions, psychological evaluations, and meddling from Hell, after our request.
     The first indication the adoption process would not be so simple was our attorney's advice to hold adoption proceedings in Marion County where my son was born.  His assumption was that because the birth records, and my divorce proceedings and the statement in which my ex relinquished parental rights were in Marion County it would go through the courts much more quickly.  The hearing end of it- when it got to that point- was blessedly quick (less than one hour) and it was held in Marion County.   The judge signed the paperwork and we only had to wait a few moments for the final certificate and name change to be manually typed out. (Marion County is a rural locale and has only recently acquired computers and laser printers.)  The amended birth certificate arrived a few weeks later.  Unfortunately we live in Franklin County- and under Ohio law, Franklin County Children's Services  were the ones who had to do the "home investigation," despite the fact the actual adoption would occur in a different county.
     My first indication that dealing with Children's Services would be far from pleasant was the first visit from the social worker.  I understand she was just doing her job, and as a person she wasn't a bad individual.  She had a pile of forms- at least 50 of them- that we had to fill out.  Some forms, such as our statements of income from our employers had to be notarized.  My husband had to submit to a physical exam, police and BMV check, including fingerprints, before they would even agree to talk with us further.  After the physical exam and police check were approved,  he had to submit to a psychological exam.  Two hours of chatting with a psychologist who is all the while scribbling cryptic notes on another form,  he gets the response, "we'll get back with you."
     All the while, remember, my son is living in our home, refers to my husband as "Dad," and this situation would have remained so, regardless.
     Then the investigators honed in on his references- personal friends, co-workers, his employer, all of whom had to complete forms stating why they felt he would be a good parent- and have them notarized.  When they got through with my husband's employer and had duly harassed his friends, family and my family, then it was my son's turn.  The social worker came to our home again, inspected everything from the inside of the fridge (good thing there was no beer or wine in it) to the cleanliness of the bathroom (something I am quite particular about) to all the goodies in my son's room.  Then it was my son's turn for the psychological evaluation- we had to take our son to a psychologist to evaluate his mental health, and get a statement from his medical doctor (he had just had a yearly physical) regarding his physical health.  Fine and dandy- the kid's not mentally or physically ill.  I could have told them that.  Then they turned to my son's school and even his previous daycare, grilling those people on what kind of kid my son was, asking if he had ever arrived at school with suspicious bruises or marks, or if he ever complained about his treatment at home.  Again, both the daycare and the school described my son as a "healthy, well-adjusted child" who is "bright with an extensive vocabulary."  Nothing I couldn't have told them or that they couldn't have gleaned from simply talking with him.
     Most of the "down-time" in the "investigation" was due to the length of time it took for the investigators to process all the forms.  It's not a nice thought to think of the various eyes who got to view my husband's personal information.  How many grubby fingers and prying eyes have seen his social security number or know that he had a minor run-in with the law as an 18 year old kid (no problems since) in 1975?  More importantly, how many important cases, where children's lives were in jeparody, were being given short shrift to conduct these investigations?
      The ironies of this invasive process are many.  Unlike a traditional adoption in which neither prospective parent is a biological relative, I am my son's biological mother.  I gave consent for my husband to adopt my son and believed it was in my son's best interest to do so.  We don't indulge in deviant behavior, we are both gainfully employed, and even at that time our incomes were sufficient to meet my son's material needs.  Why is it such a problem for a child to have a normal, two parent family?  There appears as if there is a bias against it, as if the "system" views all men, especially those who wish to adopt a child, as some kind of evil deviant perverts.  Yet children who grow up with two parents consistently achieve more in life- why deny the opportunity, especially when the person who wishes to adopt the child is making a conscious choice to become responsible for that child?
     Even more touching to me was my husband's desire to adopt my son, to take responsibility for a child that is not his biological child, to love him as much as any child we may have been able to have together.  It is unconscionable to harass and treat someone willing to make such a commitment like a common criminal, yet this is the way in which he was treated. Very few men are willing to make this sort of commitment, much less submit to the humiliation of being interrogated and grilled in order to do so.  No wonder so few step-parents ever adopt their spouses' children, even ones in the same position as my husband in which the biological father neither has contact with the child nor pays support.
     I wonder what becomes of couples who try to adopt children who are not biologically related to either of them.  Presumably it must not happen often here in Franklin County, those I know who have tried gave up on the process.  I know of two couples who travelled to China to adopt their daughters.  Adopting a Chinese girl (almost all of the children in Chinese orphanages are "unwanted" girls) is quite a bit easier than adopting a child here in Franklin County- one makes arrangements in advance through an agency, then one must travel to China to collect the child.  The total cost of doing this is about $20,000 - less than treatments at a fertility clinic, and less than delivering a child (even an uncomplicated delivery) in any hospital, and takes about six months to a year to do.   Arguably the only chance these girls have at a decent life is foreign adoption.  The sadness of this is that there are children who need and would desperately love to have a two-parent family right here that won't be adopted, not due to prohibitive costs but because of the red tape involved.  Part of the problem is the pie in the sky belief that unfit parents will change- sure Mom will get off crack or Dad (if he can be identified) might get out of jail- once the kids are 18 or 20.  Realistically most of these unfit parents will not change, but in the meanwhile the kids need a fighting chance- one that includes a loving two-parent home.  The placement of children is not completely an issue of biology- some parents are unwilling or unable to take proper care of a child.  This is one rare instance in which society must step up to the plate.  Instead of harassing decent parents who provide good homes for their children, who discipline them when necessary and require them to do basic chores and insist that they be productive members of the family, efforts should be focused on children who are not cared for properly at home.  Children whose parents cannot provide for them adequately should get the chance to be placed into a loving family.  The rights of the child to a decent existence and a fair opportunity of building a healthy life eclipse the biological tie and the rights of biological parents.
      Even in this age of the deplorable concept of abortion on demand, where millions of lives are destroyed even though there may be loving homes for them, some children who do manage to be born are often ill-treated or not properly cared for.  Why is the loving option of adoption not sought by more teenage mothers?  Knowing that your child will be precious and loved and well cared for by a loving family is a much kinder and more morally correct decision than having your unborn child torn to bits and sucked out of you into a vacuum tube.  Keeping a child that you know you cannot properly care for is equally evil- every child deserves a fighting chance in a loving home.  Finances, though important, aren't everything.  Poverty can be overcome if a person is willing to work hard and sacrifice creature comforts for the health and well being of their child.
     Almost any crack-addicted teenager can have a biological child, take it home no questions asked, and unless the child is injured, sometimes even killed, or visibly neglected no one says boo.  There are children right here in Franklin County and in other locales in Ohio, perhaps the entire nation, who live in deplorable conditions, who are subjected to real abuse at the hands of uncaring biological parents.  This is a disservice not only to the children but to countless loving couples who for whatever reason cannot have biological children.  Unfortunately the credo of most Children's Services agencies is to keep children with biological parents even when they are clearly unfit.  Every effort is made to do this, often even when the children are denied the basic right to a healthy environment and loving parents.
     Though it can be agreed that not all children who grow up in deplorable homes turn into deviant and criminal adults, and not all children from good homes end up being productive, worthwhile citizens, the odds are overwhelmingly in favor of children who have the advantage of a loving home.  Adoption needs to be made more accessible, a more viable choice for those who would want to open their hearts and homes to a child.  More children deserve the opportunity for a fighting chance.

Elysian Hunter
8-19-01