What means a Mistress for her slave

 

When you start thinking about it, you realize that it is difficult to describe easily what a Mistress means for the slave.

She is black and white! She is the bitterest pain and the sweetest joy.

When you read this you think, “what is he talking about”? Let me try to explain with an example:

Yesterday I was online and talked with my Mistress, I was feeling great because she was happy. During our talks I was handed an assignment to make this essay. I reacted playful and tried to get out of the assignment, the real intention was however that she put force on the assignment. The result was that I had to make the assignment anyhow. I was happy BUT: When I left the online she just said to me: Sleep well. She did not say that she loved me, or that she was proud of me or that I have done well. Today I have been thinking the whole day about this sentence. I felt sick. Sick because I was insecure, sick because we have not talked it over, sick because I felt that I disappointed her.  2 days ago I could not sleep because I was feeling guilt. Guilt because I have disappointed Her.

This is the bitter pain. The pain that you feel after failing.

Then what is the sweetest joy? It is her tough, Her smile, Her Joy.

What is a Mistress to her slave? Well it must be that She is his feelings. Her unhappiness is my unhappiness. Her happiness is my happiness.

What do you want as a slave? You want to make her proud and happy, because this brings yourself happiness.

Why do you want this? What do you care about Her. Why do you have this desire? Would it not just be easier to just be independent and to be happy when you want to be happy? Some how I can not be happy when she is not.

 

It is not possible for a slave to be without an Owner. Being owned means that you are controlled. It is the big desire to hand over the decisions to another. For being controlled there is an important requirement and that is TRUST.

Trust is something that you do not have from the first moment you meet. It is something that grows.

Giving yourself to a Mistress means that you will be initiated in a secret society. Secret because the knowledge is only assessable to you and Her. The society is structured in grades. Without you knowing it you get from one grade to the other. She drives this process. You are aware of the initiation but you are barely aware of the movements to other grades, this because she guides you over your borders. This is only possible if you trust her so much that you would walk on the edge of a cliff and let her voice guide you. How can she carry my trust? She can only do this if she knows that she can trust me. Trust must always be in balance, if it is not in balance then conflicts will happen.

Until now we have seen that She is my feelings and that She caries my trust.

When you read this you will say that this is a beautiful sweetness and we have not mentioned pain and torture.

What has pain got to do with it? Pain is the wrong word; the right word must be feeling. Like a Master that I once served told me: we are connoisseurs of feelings, we enjoy it and appreciate it. Feeling is a sensation of the mind. It releases chemicals, which bring comfort after you have felt it. It is like going to a sauna, when you are in the heat then you feel not really in rest, but afterwards the body feels so good. Pain is the same, it brings your body and senses to a limit and afterwards you feel the pleasure.

The pleasure is build out of the relaxing feeling that the chemicals cause but also the pride that you proven yourself to her and that you have walked the road that She pointed out for you. I have a strong desire to prove myself to Her, to give myself into her Hands. With the trust in balance this should be no problem, and you follow her on the path and step over borders not knowing they were there.

So the Mistress gives me the pleasure of feelings and I want to receive it and want to prove me to Her in this way.

This all sounds perfect. Well it is. But what happens if you disappoint her?

This happens, and pity enough, still too often in my case. I have given the responsibility over me to Her. That is no excuse to “fuck up” and hope that She will clean it up. NO, it the strongest of our desires: being controlled. The consequence is that she will correct me. The correction is a one time issue, it can do both physical and psychological pain. The worst is the psychological pain, remember when I wrote in the start that she just said: sleep well? Well, it makes me feel sick………. I know the reason without She saying why, so I will be damn careful before I cross that border again. 

 

All these feelings are life, She gives life and She is life.

 

She makes sure that my desire for feelings is covered, that my need for control is covered. Where do you find this also? You find it in a religion. Everybody who believes in whatever Super Being believes that this person controls his live and that only the sweet feelings will be felt when you live according to the rules.

She is the temple in which you get initiated step by step, She is a real Goddess.

 

We have seen now what She means to her property, lets also look to the other side. She gives so much, but what does she get back? It is difficult for me to look in her mind so I need to rephrase the question: What does she deserves to get from a slave.

Well I came to the conclusion that She is a real Goddess, lets look at Her in this perspective. So how will you treat a Goddess that controls your whole life?

It is normal to worship a Goddess and to trust her with all your needs. Trust her because you give your live in the hand of a Goddess. This is the bond that a slave has with his Owner. It is wise to make the Goddess feel happy, and let her feel like the Goddess She is. In return you well get your desires covered.

Reading my own words I realize that I am leaching too much, looking too much for my own benefit. Sometimes it is wise to look at things from another perspective.

My unhappiness is actually her unhappiness, her happiness is my happiness, like my happiness is her happiness. Making her happy and proud makes myself happy and proud.

 

She is me and I am Her!!!!! She is my life, and I am Her life.

I LOVE HER

 

rahl[Ky]