Elvert Xavier Barnes Protest Photography & Writings on the Wall
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And when a month or so later those of us who had participatred in the 'final party' would meet again to celebrate their lives at a memorial service it was such an 'empowering feeling' to realize that though faced with some grim possibilities, yet, and with the same freedom that we had always lived our lives when the time would come ... and sometimes at our choosing ... we ... and without aplogies ... had the 'balls' to 'take matters in our own hands'. After all, but, as Talk, Talk's anthem suggests "Its My Life".
And in spite of theracism that I have experienced ... as a gay black man ... and particularly with white partners who on one hand would only sleep with me if they were on drugs, yet, and without ever discussing it with me and while speaking from both sides of their mouths would conspire against me with my black family who had issues with me associating with white men, my community and my job each who would only associate with me if their relationship with me ... a gay black man ... was connected to addiction whereby, and, n the process, my white partners' and white friends' 'right' to do drugs' was associated with the communual negative reinforcement but control of me when I now speak out in support of 'same-sex marriages' it iis because I know from first hand observation the empowerment that two people who really care about and love each other can 'bring to the table' . Which is in sharp contrast to my expereinces ... as a gay black man ... who practiced integration.
In the movie "Igby Goes Down" Susan Sarandon's character as the 'pill-popping' matriach of a Georgetown bred, Harvard educated and dysfunctional Manhattanite family of two sons one a rebellious 17 year old drug addict and the other who in his early 20's had always done what was expected of him and a father who the two sons, over the years, had witnessed their mother verbally and physically abuse. So much so that in one particular incident she would beat him so badly that he'd suffer a nervous breakdown and as a result would then be institutionalized. And when she realized that she was suffering from a fatal illness but after having made necessary arrangements with the family lawyer she insisted that on a specific day the two sons pay her a visit. Whereby, and at her direction but more orchestration they would assist her in the 'popping' of far too many pills' and the 'forced consumption' of far too much scotch until she, simply, 'passed out'. And once they knew that she was dead but as she had instructed them to do they would telephone the family lawyer who would then proceed with the funeral arrangements that she herself had planned.
In late August - early September I'd hear news that several students from Georgetown and American universities had 'commited suiicide.' It brought to mind that when I attended the Univeristy of Maryland from '73 through '78 that it too expereinced a rash of student suicides in the fall of the year. At the same time i was working on my ongoing project "In The Fall of Year" whereby in 2004 I shed light on a friend who suffered from a seasonal disorder. And as a result but as had her mother ... in the fall of each year ... she'd contemplate suicide. In the photo essay I also tell of how, in the fall of the year, that my white partners as well as my community and folks connected with my work would began to maniputlate and orchestrate "patterns and progressions of a contrived insanity" The essay further suggests that if I did not know 'from where I come' and 'just who and what I be' I, too may would have developed... or been condtioned to believe that I suffer from a seasonal disorder. Or addiction. Or dementia. And, as a result, but in the fall of the year ... I may would have contemplated suicide.
Because ... and almost clockwork ... and while I, and as I have always done in the fall of the year would be in the midst of shifting my focus, reorganizing, 'house cleaning', and preparing for the winter months ...
UNDER CONSTRUCTION . 6 November 2004
So when a few weeks later during the First American Festival and the grand opening of the NMAI I would hear news that an alarming and disproportionate number of incarcerated Native American men and youth are 'committng suicde' in a simlar way as are a disproportionate number of black males ...