Holiday Season 2004 . 'Ya'll Make Me Sick' Documentary Project
Elvert Xavier Barnes Protest Photography & Writings on the Wall
16 February 2005
It had only been a few months before, in the spring of that year, that I had relocated back to NYC as I had lived there from September 1980 until February 1982. And, in fact, it was my first night out in WDC , a day or two later, in February '82 that I'd meet Greg while dancing at the Exile who, and before I had time to 'catch my breath' would, literally, 'sweep me off my feet'. And as time has now told would, also, 'keep me off my balance' in what I have coined as 'the patterns and p[rogressions of a contrived insanity.' Which now that I am older, wiser and more mature and having had hauntingly similar relationships with other white men and, in the process, but more in hindsight was able to reflect on the connection between their ritualisms with me ... but on a very personal level ... and the historical impact that 'white supremecy' ... and on a much grander scale ... has had on the global community.
On the drive from the Exile to Mount Vernon on the cold Frebruary night which is where he had just moved to a few weeks or perhaps days before from Richmond to share a house that his long time friend Mike had recently purchased he would inform me that though he had tricked on rare occsions with black men if he and I were to become more involved I would be his first black lover. And as such but since many of his white friends and some family members had issues with 'race-mixing' that it may would be necessary for me, at first, to 'keep our relationship' a secret. Though smittened I explained to him that we both had just moved to DC and were in the process of re-establishing our lives and that since I woud soon be purchasing a house in DC that I was in no position to make any committments to him. Nor or anyone who found it necessary to keep me in the dark.
As black man I had already experienced that 'racism' during my first relationship from 1975 through 1978. Where I sometimes had to jump up out of bed in mid-winter in the middle of night and hide in the stairwell of Rick's apartment building when his best friend who was confused about his sexuality would drop by from out of the blue primarily to obstruct Rick's relationship with me, a black man. And then too but just before my relationship with Rick I, literally, had to move from a basement apartment that I rented from an integrated couple in Hyattsville just off Riggs Road when a Morman from Utah named David and an FBI agent in training who had an attraction to black men and black women in a similar way as he had an addiction to alcohol and pot took a 'fatal attraction' to me. And as result he and other agents would drop by at all hours of the day and night and telephone at my government job much so that the couple was concerned that the feds were investigating them.
A few months later and once I had begun my relationship with Rick which at that time was in the 'secret stage' he would inform me at the Lost in Found that the FBI had just fired him. Not so much for his homosexuality ... though that was an issue ... but due more to his 'race-mixing'. And now that I'm older but wiser but have had hauntingly similar relationships with other whites I now realize that his attraction to me was more a pre-meditated act to associate his addicitions to men and women of color and in the process use his 'right to do drugs' and while involving other agents as a means by which to dismantle, destroy d the lives of others. Mostly of color.
Every few months or so and often with the change of the season but always in connection with a new relationship with another black man usually involving cocaine Greg would flip flop on his postion as pertaining to our relationship and depending if we were 'on or off' I'd have to move in. Or out.
And in the exact same way that Greg and I would meet in WDC in February 1982 in March 1984 when I'd return to NYC that I'd meet Tom from Aliquippa PA who would establish a similar relationship with me as had Greg.
On New Years, 31 December 1984 Greg, Mike and I and along Greg's close black Champ went dancing at Tracks. Mike and Smitty would leave long before wew would. And when came for us to leave Greg was so drunk and coked out that I did not want him to drive . I begged for the keys. At some point we got in a little tussel. When the cop came he actually told me that I should 'let him drive' since he felt that he could.
Champ drove me back to Alexandria. Greg spent the night at Champs. Two days later Greg informs me that he and Champ were consdiering moving together. And though a few days later he changed his mind ...
UNDER CONSTRUCTION . 15 feb 05