Disclaimer: This list is based on chaaracters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. Some of the rules are based on—or "borrowed" from—the Ferengi Rules of Acquisition). No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
Thank you to J.R. Matthews, whose list of "Rules of Being a Successful Slytherin" inspired the creation of this list (I have tried not to duplicate any of her rules here), and Draquonelle, who served as a consultant and came up with several additions to the list herself. Also thanks to the FictionAlleyPark Slyth board, for suggesting Rules 27 & 28.
Salazar’s Rules of Scheming
- 1. Slytherins are not responsible for the stupidity of other Houses.
- 2. Never trust anyone whose robes are nicer than yours.
- 3. Never allow family to stand in the way of opportunity.
- 4. Keep your lies consistent.
- 5. It never hurts to suck up to the boss.
- 6. Don’t sleep with your boss’s relatives.
- 7. Always sleep with your boss (unless it’s Voldemort).
- 8. Every once in a while, declare peace. It confuses the hell out of your enemies.
- 9. The bigger the smile, the sharper the knife.
- 10. If you’re going to have to endure, make yourself comfortable.
- 11. Never offer a confession when a bribe will do.
- 12. Never argue with the point of a wand.
- 13. Flirting can get you anything—and if it doesn’t work, offer sex.
- 14. Never admit a mistake if there’s someone else to blame.
- 15. Treat people in your debt like family—exploit them.
- 16. Even in the worst of time, someone turns a profit—make sure it’s you.
- 17. Sometimes what you get for free costs entirely too much.
- 18. One person’s secret is another person’s opportunity.
- 19. The greater the amount you are taking from someone, the greater the distraction must be.
- 20. More is good, all is better.
- 21. Deep down, everybody’s a Slytherin.
- 22. If you always hope for the best and expect the worst, you’ll never be disappointed.
- 23. If no one can prove it, it never happened.
- 24. Never do something yourself if you can make someone else do it for you.
- 25. Honour is always negotiable.
- 26. A dishonourable life is better than an honourable death.
- 27. The best opportunity to kill is the one that frightens the witnesses the most.
- 28. Evil is a point of view.
