April 4, 2002
Dear Intern:
Welcome to RED Communications
Firm! It is a pleasure to have you with us. While you are here, you will gain
valuable experience that will greatly assist you in your future job placement. Unfortunately,
you don’t get paid. So please refrain from dying of starvation before your
internship officially ends; we can’t afford it.
Your duties are as follows:
·
Stuff envelopes and do all my
mailings.
·
Water the plants.
·
Come up with creative ideas on
days when I’m too tired to function properly.
·
Make plausible excuses when I
leave the office and someone is trying to find me.
·
Filter all my phone calls.
Telephones are mean, evil inventions, but as I’m forced to have one, I’d like
to make sure I only have to use it when absolutely necessary.
·
Lastly, don’t even THINK about
bringing me coffee. However, an occasional iced cappuccino may be deemed
acceptable.
Again, thank you for coming to
work with us. We look forward to dumping all our menial tasks on you and
watching you scramble to gain our approval over the next several months. Best
of luck.
Sincerely,
Annie
Director of Marketing