By Frank daMan
Staff writer, The Same Old News
THE HEART – Vital negotiations
broke down yesterday between two warring entities, leaving the Annieans in
despair as the Fiyiites prepared another attack.
“I can’t believe they did that to us,” one Anniean said through tears. “We trusted them! We were negotiating a cease-fire! Those … those Fiyiites!”
Annieans
contend that while leaders from both sides were working to bring the two
entities together, a renegade group of Fiyiites snuck into nearby Neutraland
and sold Anniean defense secrets in return for a corner on the market of
Neutraland exports.
“They
gave away our defense position, so now the whole world will know where we stand
in The Heart,” said a high-ranking defense official, who gave his name only as
“M.”
The Heart is the heavily guarded center of Anniean territory. If defense intelligence were sold to Neutraland, it is believed that the Neutrients could resell the data to any person or entity seeking it.
“You
better believe we’d sell that information to the Neuts,” said a Fiyiite, waving
a gun triumphantly. “There’s no reason not to. It would have to be done sooner
or later.”
Fiyiites
contend the Annieans need to “come clean about The Heart,” a reference to
rumors of spies in The Heart who allegedly want Anniean territory to be merged
with Neutraland.
“There are
higher-ups in the Anniean government who have secretly been working toward a
merger with Neutraland for several years now,” alleges a Fiyiite. “It’s a
well-known fact that despite the efforts of these spies, Neutraland officials
couldn’t care less what the Annieans want in that regard.”
While it is
true that some Annieans have always held Neutraland in high esteem, it is
doubtful that any of the factions involved is telling the whole truth.
American
officials said they would send a peacekeeping force to the region within a
week, and strongly urged the Neutrients not to resell the information.
“This
matter of The Heart needs to be brought out in the open, resolved and
eventually dropped,” said a senior White House official. “I wish those two
would stop fighting each other already. They’re getting blinking annoying.
Can’t we just get on with life?”
Neutrient
officials did not return phone messages before deadline.
Contact
writer Frank daMan at [email protected]