Chapter 5

Remus stared at Shaia, confused. �Held up? What are you talking about?�

�Oh God,� Shaia whispered quietly to herself as she stared up at Remus.

�What?� he asked, brushing her hair away from his face lightly.

�I don�t know how to do this, Remus,� she said, pulling out of his grasp. �I�ve tried this once before. I can�t do it again.�

�Tried what once before? What can�t you do again?� He didn�t want to sound desperate to hold her, but he was.

�I� well, I�ve been through the pain that I never want again,� she said, trying not to say what she had to say out loud.

�What pain?� he asked, a note of anxiety in his tone.

�Pain, Remus, pain!� she screamed at him, slapping her chest. He looked down at her hand and finally, he understood. She turned around, keeping her hand still, as if telling the story would make her heart hurt.

�I um� had just turned fifteen and it was the summer after fourth year,� she explained, sitting down on one of the stools. This was obviously going to be a long and heartbreaking story. Tears were already threatening to brim out of her eyes. �I was, you know, fine and dandy studying and getting ready for fifth year even though it was still the middle of June. I was so excited and you know how much I love to study.�

He smirked at her as she continued. �And well� I just kind of� I don�t know� felt like something was missing. My mum and dad have always thought it a good idea that we visit the Muggle world from time to time so we wouldn�t be completely clueless as to how they live.

�So we went to Surry for the weekend and while we were at a hotel, I was in the pool,� she paused and looked up to see that she had completely lost Remus in what she was saying. She merely shook her head and indicated that the words meant nothing, �and that�s when I saw Hayden.�

Remus wasn�t sure of what to say, so he stood stationary, listening. It was obvious that everything she was about to tell him was personal. It was stored in the deepest chamber of her heart.

Even the sound of his name out of her mouth awoke pain inside of her. She couldn�t stand to think about it, but it had been over a year. She finally had to get it off of her chest; tell someone other than James and Lily. Though they were great friends, unbelievably supportive and annoyingly protective, it was only James and Lily. Remus was a whole different person in his own.

�I� um�� she stuttered. She hadn�t realized how nervous she was going to become once his name was finally out of her mouth and his picture was back, full blast in her mind. There he was, sitting on the edge of the pool, kicking his legs in the water back and forth. He was wearing bright blue Hawaiian flower patterned swim trunks. His brown hair was spiky and mussed, his dark eyes were obviously bored as he stared at the clear water.

�Go on, it�s okay,� Remus didn�t hear himself even saying the words. His first instinct was to be there for her

Looking up at him quickly, she somehow found the strength to tell her story. �Hayden, uh� Hayden Smith. He was two years older than me at the time,� she sighed again. �Well, I�m not going to bore you with the details of my meeting him. We just started talking and all of a sudden, we were around each other all the time.�

It seemed so silly early on into the story that she was crying but Remus made no move to say anything or look surprised at her reaction. He understands, she thought excitedly in the pit of her heart.

�I um�� she stopped herself from crying any further and looked down at the floor, hopefully trying to gather some courage. �We kept in touch and after a while, he was visiting me at my house, in the wizarding world, and he never even knew. I never told him what I was� I always thought that it was better for him not to know.

�He took me on my first real date a month after we met. I was only fifteen at the time; it was so exciting to me! I was going out with a real guy, in a real car, I was all dressed up� it was amazing. He gave me my first kiss that night too. It was the most special night of my life. Up until then at least.�

Remus frowned. There was definitely something more to the story that she had not gotten to yet. It must have been important.

�We spent all of our waking hours together� our special thing was going to the nearby cemetery and staring at the stars, as morbid as that sounds,� she cracked what looked like a smile. Remus couldn�t tell just then. �We would always fall asleep there, after I explained to him what each constellation was and what it meant, and when new ones would appear. I would just fall asleep with his arm around my waist. I felt so protected at this gesture of his. I never wanted it to end.

�He told me for the first time he loved me out there. We sat on that blanket and while I was talking about the constellation Leo, he just stared at me for a few seconds before I stopped. When I asked him what it was, he took my hands and said, �You know, I love you. I love you so much.� And I couldn�t believe it. I mean, I was only fifteen, Remus! No one had ever said such a thing to me. I was overwhelmed and wasn�t sure what to say. So I said it back. Not two seconds later did he have his lips on mine and I was on my back.

�All he could say was, �I love you so much, I love you, I love you, you�re everything to me, I want to be everything to you. I want to love you for the rest of my life� I want you in my arms forever�� He was incredible. And he was so� so loving and caring that night� after we left from the cemetery, it became the most special part of my life and he became the most wonderful person in the world to me. I guess you can um�� she cleared her throat and flushed red, �tell what happened to me that night. I was only fifteen� it was so earth shattering.�

Remus stared at the girl in front of him and couldn�t believe the story she was telling him. Him, of all people. Remus Lupin. A marauder, for crying out loud. She was sharing her most intimate and dark secrets with him.

�We went back to the cemetery several times. We didn�t do that same thing every time, but we were closer than ever and I had never trusted anyone more in my life at that moment. That�s when I decided it was time to tell him everything about me� and so one not so special night, I did��

Tears started pouring down her cheeks. She suddenly couldn�t sit in one spot for long. She had to get up and pace, as if this would calm the ache in her heart. It was her seventh year, it was two years behind her, but nonetheless, the pain was still fresh.

�And oh, Remus, oh� I promised myself that after seeing the look on his face I would never date another Muggle as long as I lived. The next person I loved, if I was ever to again love anyone, would have to be a wizard. No matter what. I mean, I opened my mouth and said, �Hayden, I�m a witch,� and his face went pale. I explained to him all about Hogwarts and everything that went along with it, and he wouldn�t have it. He stood up and ranted and raved about not believing in magic, how there was no such thing, how he would have nothing to do with it, how I disgusted him. I sat at his feet, Remus, and I cried. I cried and pleaded and sobbed to his feet, �Don�t let me go, don�t let me go!� But he wouldn�t have me. He stormed off and I never saw him again.�

Remus felt the tears pouring down his cheeks. Not only was he crying for the pain that Shaia was feeling, but for the fact that he could feel it deep into his soul, too. He hadn�t been in love too much, but he could understand how it felt to be at the feet of the person you loved, desperately grabbing on, begging them not to let you go.

�I�m sorry, Remus,� she said, wiping her eyes and smiling sheepishly. �I feel like such a fool.�

�Why should you?� he jumped in, his voice feeling scratchy and unused. �You need not feel foolish in front of me.�

�Yes I should,� she said, contradicting him and turning away. �I feel so stupid,� she wiped the tears away quickly, but Remus was standing behind her, his hands delicately placed on her shoulders.

�You have nothing to feel stupid about,� he whispered so closely in her that it sent shivers down her spine. �I know that I don�t have much experience when it comes to heartbreak, but you know I�m always here for you.�

Shaia turned around and faced Remus� loving and warmhearted face smiling down at her. Her entire body came to life as she threw her arms around his neck, burying her face into his shoulder. He wrapped his arms around her protectively.

�I don�t want you to feel obligated to be around me, I don�t want to be held up by another person again� Just look where it got me last time, Remus,� she sighed.

�I would never do what he did to you,� he told her softly. �Never.�

�I never thought Hayden would do it to me,� she answered back painfully, letting a couple of tears slip down her face.

Remus pulled away and looked Shaia in the eye. �But Shaia, I know you�re a witch, and I don�t care. I would never leave you because of one idiosyncrasy, and it wasn�t even that! He left you because he was scared of a part of what you were, and I�m not. I would never do that to you, Shaia, never.�

�I�m involved with Sirius� I can�t just��

She was cut off when Remus placed his lips on hers, softly and slowly. He pulled away and felt more tears of his own spill down his cheeks. �I love Sirius, he�s like the brother I never had. He means everything to me� I sometimes wish I didn�t feel the way I felt about you because he�s so smitten with you. I hate myself for being so...�

�What?�

�I�m sorry, you�re going to hate me for saying this, Shaia,� he said, staring at her with his piercing brown-eyed gaze, �but I love you.�

She pushed away from him speedily, as if she couldn�t get away from him soon enough. �No, Remus, you don�t love me.�

�Oh, Shaia, please,� Remus continued, walking toward her. �Don�t push me away, I�m not going to hurt you.�

Remus had to take a step back, covering his mouth. �I� I��

Shaia looked up. �What? What�s wrong?� She was suddenly anxious, standing up to her feet rapidly.

�N-Nothing, Shaia, can I see you tomorrow? Here? In our Tower?�

Shaia stared at Remus a few seconds before nodding sullenly. She watched him retreat and before his robes completely disappeared out of the her view, she called out, �Remus!�

He stopped and turned around, poking his head up into the Tower again. �Shaia?�

She walked toward him, placed her hands softly on his face, and kissed him. He took it in hungrily. �We�ll figure this out. Somehow.�

�Shaia, there�s a way for us to be together,� he whispered to her. �Just let me go figure out how.�

And with that, Remus turned and ran off, leaving Shaia very confused and alone in the Tower.

Sirius Black was determined. What was this about Venus�s moons?

�Shaia.�

�Yes?�

�Can you put your book down for two seconds and look at me? Please?�

�Yeah, hold on, let me read this paragraph.�

�Shaia, please?�

�Yes, Sirius let me finish this paragraph.�

He didn�t wait. He reached his hand over, pushed the book out of her face, and stared at her intently. She glared at him.

�What is so important that it couldn�t wait four words?� she shot at him impatiently, marking the page with a ripped piece of parchment and closing it.

�Venus has no moons.�

Shaia�s head shot up. Her eyes widened and her entire face lightened three shades. �Y-Y-You� R-Remus said��

�Venus has no moons,� he repeated, only this time his voice was laced with much more acid than before.

Shaia couldn�t stand it anymore. She burst into tears, stood up, and gathered her things. Sirius was speechless. Out of all of the reactions he had expected from Shaia, this was the most unexpected.

�What�s� what�s wrong?�

�Nothing, nothing,� she recited, waving him off. She shoved her books into her bag, throwing it over her shoulder and grabbing at her quills.

�No, Shaia,� Sirius said firmly, practically hopping over the table to get to her. He grabbed her arms and forced her away from the table, into a corner away from anyone else. �Will you please tell me what�s going on? I�m so confused I want to scream! I can�t stop myself from falling in love with you, Shaia, but I get the distinct impression you don�t feel that strongly about me.�

Shaia answered with a fresh wave of tears.

�I take it that�s a yes?�

Shaia shook her head yes and Sirius felt a terribly familiar tingling sensation at his eyes.

�Oh, Shaia,� Sirius felt himself grown numb all over. �I can�t believe how blind I�ve been� I never would have thought� but then again I�ve been so involved with you that, oh� Shaia,� he breathed it all out as a thought.

�Sirius, please,� she whispered through her sobs. �Please, don�t,� she begged. She looked up into his eyes and combated his sorrow with her own. �Don�t give up just because you hit one bump in the road. You are a wonderful person, a warm, caring, and loving man� I can�t figure out myself why I don�t feel something more than friendship for you because you�re one of the best people I�ve ever met. But don�t give up. Don�t give up because one cold, merciless woman broke your heart.�

�No, no, Shaia,� Sirius said, his tone softening as he stepped closer to her. �You�re not cold� and maybe my heart is broken, but it�s not like I couldn�t completely expect it. I was in love with you for two years, Shaia, and it just now dawned on me that maybe� maybe I�m not what you truly want. Maybe you� maybe you need someone else.�

Shaia looked up quickly at Sirius and felt a couple more tears stream down her cheeks. �I am so sorry for hurting you, Sirius.�

He only shook his head and put a hand up. �I can�t pretend to be blind forever, Shaia.�

He turned around, not looking back. Shaia had the sudden urge to run up behind him and say something� anything. Her feet remained firmly planted to the floor for a matter of ten or fifteen minutes before she collapsed, crying.

It wasn�t until Madam Pince made her way to the back of the library to check on her that she finally moved from her spot on the floor. She got up, gathered her things, and made her way back to the common room. She barely even noticed the fact that she was in the common room until she heard a soft, gentle voice call her name.

�Shaia?�

She whipped around, staring into the eyes of the young man she had just been thinking about.

�R-Remus,� she whispered, daring to stand up on shaky legs. �What are you doing here?�

�I was coming to find you� did Sirius��

�Yes, he-he did. Did he��

�Yes. He talked to me.�

Shaia hadn�t noticed the fact that Remus was staying near the portrait hole in the shadow until she had a few seconds to stop and examine him. �Remus?�

�Yes?�

�Come over here.�

�Uh,� he paused a few seconds before answering. �Shaia, I�d rather not.�

�Why not?�

He sighed heavily and stepped out of the guard of the shadow with his head down. He walked over to Shaia and sat next to her on the couch. She stared at the top of his head for a few seconds before he lifted his eyes up to meet hers.

Shaia jumped back, gasping. There was a large black bruise forming around his left eye and his lip was split open. Dried blood was around the cut and Shaia�s eyes immediately filled with tears.

�Shaia, don�t cry,� he whispered.

�But� who� it couldn�t have been��

�Sirius has a bad temper.�

�But� but��

Remus watched her eyes flood and put his hands on her face to calm her down. �The boy has a mean right hook, but that�s not what hurt the most, Shaia.�

�He had no right to just hit you like that! He came to me� he talked to me� he was so sincere��

�Of course he would be,� Remus said calmly. �He came to me and before I could get a word out, he�d thrown a punch. He started to scream about me trying to steal you and when I got up to explain everything, he hit me again in the mouth. After he told me what a bad friend I had been to him��

�Sirius, you don�t know what you�re talking about!�

�I love her! How could you do this to me, Remus? I thought you were my friend.�

�I am your friend! I didn�t mean for it to happen, okay!�

�You�ve known. For two years I�ve been in love with her! You KNEW!�

�But I didn�t do it on purpose, Sirius, and you know that. I would never intentionally hurt you for any reason.�

Sirius paused to clench his fists together. His friend, his best friend, was standing in front of him, holding his lip. He was pleading with not only his voice, but with his whole heart and soul. It was obvious, and it should have been obvious from the get-go. Shaia was never fully interested in him. He loved her with all his heart, but she just didn�t feel it back. She adored and was adored by, Remus.

Slowly, his fists unclenched and his demeanor changed. Tears filled up in his eyes and in a hoarse voice he said, �You love her, Remus?�

His friend blinked quickly, and rubbing his mouth, replied, �Yeah. Yeah, I do.�

�And you� you realize that� that she has to know the truth?�

�Yes. I�ve thought about that.�

Sirius brushed his long brown hair out of his eyes. �I can�t walk away from you, Remus, unless you promise me that no matter what� no harm will come to her.�

Remus stood up to his full height and stared into his best friend�s eyes. �I promise, Sirius.�

Shaia didn�t know what to say. She reached a shaky hand to Remus� face and swept the stray hairs away from his eye. She gently brushed the bruise with her thumb and then let her fingers travel down to his lip. �Oh, Remus,� she sighed softly.

�I�m okay,� he sighed. �Now that we�re together.�

And in that instant, no one except Remus Lupin and Shaia Fletcher existed. Remus moved his hand to the back of Shaia�s neck and dipped her head in to kiss her. She allowed her hands to wander freely through his hair, as they stayed captured in the embrace.