Epilogue

The white open casket Regan lay in was decorated in lilacs, her favorite flower. She was wearing a beautiful white gown that Maria, Bailey, Chloe, Piper, and Paige had picked out for her, and her hair was done the way her mom had always found most attractive on her.

In her hands were many things that people wanted her to leave the earth with. She was holding a picture of she and Chloe at soccer practice which Chloe had kept close to her always. Maria had given her a poem that she had written several minutes after she heard the news of her. Bailey had given her a bracelet that she had made Regan for her birthday. Piper gave her a flower, a deep meaning behind why she had given it to her, reasons for which she would not explain and kept to herself. Paige stood over her, tears rolling down her face, telling her the many jokes that Regan had always hysterically laughed at, in hopes that once Regan was sent away from them that she would have heard everything.

Evan was reluctant to go up to the casket, in fear that he would lose himself. He had hurt her in so many ways and now was sorry he hadn�t made his peace with her sooner and kept his friendship for longer before she was gone. Chase stood in the back not wanting to be seen, keeping his eyes on the ground. Tears flowed freely from his eyes as he thought about what he had done to her, what he had said to her, and the fact that he lost her in so many more ways than just one.

Standing with Maria was Matthew. She clung to Matthew�s side while he tried his hardest to remain strong. It cut him too deeply for words that his first love, the one person he forgot to reconnect with, was now no longer there to jokingly point out all of his faults and catch him in the act when he was being to arrogant.

Trevor stood with Bailey, whose tears and sobs were inconsolable. Trevor�s eyes became misty as well. Out of all of Bailey�s face, Regan was the one he could connect with the most and could talk to most about anything. Now he constantly wondered why he had taken advantage of that relationship.

As everyone stood around, wishing they hadn�t done this and that when Regan was still there, Blake sat in the front row, motionless, expressionless. He had done his grieving the night Regan pulled away from him. He had cried all the way to the hospital, he cried when the doctor told him and her mom that Lupus could somehow cause organ failure and that is what had happened to Regan. She had obviously been hemorrhaging for a couple hours before anyone noticed, and Blake immediately blamed himself for not paying more attention. He had cried when they talked about funeral arrangements, what flowers they would need, what casket to put her in, what she should wear. It all seemed so sick to him, to talk about someone he loved so much as if she were now a piece of furniture they had to put on display. What should it look like? Wear should it go? This wasn�t a couch. This was Regan. This was his Regan, his one and only true love, the woman he couldn�t live without.

He had also been chosen to give the second eulogy about Regan. Her mom gave the first, breaking down an innumerable amount of times before she had to be taken out for a few minutes. It was obvious that Regan and her mom had been close, and it had clearly hurt her mom very deeply to let go of her.

Blake nervously stood up and felt rigid as he walked toward the podium where he would have to deliver the eulogy. He felt so awkward about it. It almost felt as though he was trying to deliver some kind of inauguration speech when becoming president.

He watched the many grieving faces, and recognized a lot immediately. It was obvious that even though at times Regan didn�t believe it, she was well loved and taken care of. He even noticed Chase and Evan had made it, and no matter how much he knew they had hurt Regan, he couldn�t help but feel for them. They had lost her before she was gone, and it was by choice. However, this time they didn�t have a choice, and it must have hurt doubly hard.

Blake cleared his throat and looked down at his trembling fingers.

�I know most of Regan�s family doesn�t know who I am,� he began. He didn�t want it to sound like he was trying to be a salesman or trying to get anyone�s vote. �But I am not here today to get to know anyone. I�m here to talk about someone that I do know. I�m not going to use any past tense... I don�t believe Regan has truly left.�

He could hear a few sobs after that statement and he continued. �Regan is one of the most spirited people I know. She has a lust of life like no one I have ever known in my entire life. She can make an overall bad week feel like you are just being pessimistic and cheer you up with that brightly lit smile of hers. From her long blonde hair... her bright brown eyes... her undeniable sense of humor... the way she always calls herself �vertically challenged,� he laughed to himself. �The way she can get you conversing within a minute if she feels bored...� Her friends laughed through their tears. �I�m not here to dwell on her great qualities and depress you... I just want you all to know something that Regan tells me.�

He gulped, turning toward Maria, who produced Regan�s journal. �She gave this to me, and when I read it, I got a deeper realization of who Regan Stanbury really is. I thought I knew everything there is to know about. I figured I had it all worked out. But when I read all of this, I realized I had just begun to know her. It shocked me to read some of this, yet enlightened me when I read other things. Regan�s last entry in this journal is what gave me the most hope that I�d like to share with you.

�After going through all of my past knowledge of love and relationships and my current relationship, I was brought to a realization that life is so fickle sometimes. One minute you could be happy, dancing around with the man you love and the next minute you are on the floor, crying your eyes out because you no longer have a dance partner. I never thought my life would take such an abrupt turn like it did when it comes to my health, but you live and you learn and you accept. I�m on my way to doing that right now. It�s not something that�s taking me a short time to do, but I�m slowly getting used to it, and letting it become a part of who I am. It doesn�t change my personality at all.

�In all of my life I have learned to accept things as they come, not make a big deal of the bad things, and live only for the good things. I want to wake up each day knowing that it can only get better as each minute passes. That�s all we have anymore. A series of minutes put together to form one glorious day. I spend my minutes thinking about my job, about the man I love and when will I get to see him next. I don�t spend my minutes thinking about what may happen to my health. It�s not worth my time to dwell on the bad things. I stick by one philosophy now, after having gone through the pains of Evan and Chase.

�Time has a mysterious kindness. It always gives back to us what we have lost through wisdom and memories.

�Love need not know age, religion, gender, or race. All it needs is to be plentiful and given at precisely the right moment. ~ Regan Nichole Stanbury.

�I don�t know about you,� Blake said afterward, closing the journal and wiping away tears that had been bubbling and dying to pour down his face. �But I believe in what Regan taught me. Love isn�t something you should ever forget about, because to some people... it only comes along that strongly once... it certainly did for Regan,� he gulped and tears poured down his face. �And for me.�

He moved out from behind the podium, set the journal down on his chair and made his way outside. He walked out into the parking lot and kept walking away until he could think straight.

�Regan...� he whispered, feeling his heart break even more as he looked up at the clouds. �I can�t imagine... a life without you...�

He reached into his back pocket, pulled out his wallet, and took out a smaller picture he had drawn so long ago... before he had even known her. While he watched that beauty run down the soccer field with a look of determination on her face, he drew a smaller picture of her hands... clenched together in fierce resolve. Those hands had brought him comfort, brought him into her life a little more, and made all of her dreams come true. Now he had to let go of those hands.

He kissed the picture and felt the tears drip out of his eyes. He let the picture fly into the air and watched as it went up, up, up, and to the point where he could no longer see it.

�I�m too in love with you... not to cry..."