Chapter 14

He kept his mind on Cassie all day. All he could think about was how she was faring and what the doctor had said. What if it wasn�t just influenza or a normal cold? What if she had needed him to be there?

He jumped onto his motorbike and left Auror headquarters at eleven that night. He flew above the town and set out to his home. It was when he got closer that he realized something was very wrong.

The Dark Mark was hovering above the roof. It was large and gawking at him evilly. He lost all feeling in his fingers and was suddenly unaware of where he was or what to do.

�Oh no,� Sirius breathed in complete and utter horror. This couldn�t have happened. It couldn�t have� it had to be a different house. It had to be someone else who�d received a horrific fate. Not his Cassie. Not his family.

He barely had touched down when he fell off of his bike and sped into the house. His panic was now at an all time high. It was his house, it was his family, and there was nothing he could do about it.

He didn�t even think before he threw the door open. It didn�t cross his mind that the Death Eaters could still be in the house, waiting for the opportunity to strike him. He didn�t grab his wand and didn�t really care. He couldn�t stop his heart from beating a mile a minute and his fingers had long since lost all feeling. He was numb from head to toe.

The entire house was trashed. It was obvious that someone had forced their way in and decided to tear the place up as a warning. He headed carelessly into the rest of the house, jumping over tipped desks and chairs, avoiding spilled water and broken flowerpots (oh how Cassie loved flowers). He needed to find his wife.

�CASSIE! CASSIE! WHERE ARE YOU?�

He stopped dead. There was a small, weak noise coming from the direction of the kitchen. It sounded vaguely like Cassie was calling out to him. It was enough. He hightailed it to the kitchen, almost afraid to go in for fear of what they could have possibly done to her. But it was even worse.

Everything in the kitchen lay in ruins, all save the area around a small figure lying on the floor. It was Cassie. She was paler than before, but she was still breathing though it was rapid and short.

He tripped over everything to get to her, pushing several items out of his way to sit down next to her. He placed his arm under her head and pulled her close. A lump so large formed in his throat that he found it difficult to speak. Tears in his eyes blurred his vision. He couldn�t see her.

�Cassie� oh my Cassie. What did they do to you, my Cassie?�

�They� they performed� Lentus Letum� Sirius, I have to tell you something,� she said, grabbing his sweatshirt and holding it as tightly as she could in her weakened state.

�Lentus Letum? Oh, Cassie!� He could barely even think. Out of all of the Curses to perform, Lentus Letum? It was the most torturous of all, other than Crucio. Crucio most often didn�t result in murder, only madness. Lentus Letum caused the victim to die very slowly and painfully.

�Sirius, please, listen to me�� she said, her bright eyes dying of all light and life.

Sirius watched with a heavy heart and began to sob. The frosty eyes he loved more than anything were not going to light for him any longer. He bent his face over hers, not caring how much she watched him cry. He wanted her, he needed her. She couldn�t die. She couldn�t leave him alone in the world. She was his everything.

�Don�t speak, my love. Don�t speak. Don�t speak.�

�No, Sirius� I have to tell you��

�No, please� don�t speak� save your strength!�

He wrapped his arms around her tighter and tighter as he buried his head into her shoulder and sobbed uncontrollably. It was really happening. It was honestly and truly happening. He was losing her. He couldn�t lose her. There was absolutely no way he was going to lose her. Not like this.

�Sirius, please��

�Don�t speak, Cassie! Don�t speak! Don�t talk! It�ll keep you here with me longer! It�ll help! It�ll help! Oh, Cassie, stay with me! Stay alive for me!�

There was complete silence and Sirius feared for a short time that he had lost her, and held her even closer than before so he could hear her heart beating, so he could hear the short, raspy breaths she took in. She held her hand almost protectively over her stomach. He assumed that was where she had been hit. The pain was probably emanating from that location.

�Cassie, don�t die. Don�t die. Don�t leave me here to face this world all by myself. I can�t tell you how much I love you and need you with me. Don�t die. Don�t die. Don�t die.�

His tears were falling heavily onto her face, but she didn�t seem to feel it at all. She grabbed at his sweatshirt constantly, and Sirius realized with a haunting reality that her grip was becoming weaker.

�Oh, Cass. Hold on. Just hold on.�

He brought her closer to his heart in his arms and cried into her hair. �Don�t die.�

She let out a sob of her own then, a very weak one, but a sob nonetheless. She pulled from Sirius and directly into his eyes. The hand that was covering her stomach unsteadily reached up and touched Sirius� face.

�No, no, my love. Save your strength.�

�Sirius... Be happy. Don�t walk around� for the rest of your life� wondering where it all� went wrong. I fought them off� as best I could, Sirius� You were doing� your duties. You were� doing��

Sirius gripped her tightly. �Don�t leave me! Don�t leave me!� he bawled into her bright blue sweater. He recognized this sweater. He�d seen her wear it several times before.

�Oh� Sirius��

A mixture of cold and hot tears dripped down his face. A memory floated through his head and he smiled at her through the midst of his tears. �Do you remember� do you remember our first kiss?�

She smiled very weakly, closing her eyes from the pain. �How could I forget� Thiriuth? You never� never� forget a day� like that��

Her pauses were becoming longer and longer. Her weakness was increasing rapidly. The Lentus Letum was starting to go into the death portion of the Curse. He reached up and touched her cold, clammy face desperately, trying to recapture the life from his beautiful bride.

�Do you remember our wedding day?�

She shook her head. �No, Sirius... Don�t�do this. Don�t you� start this now. I� I�m not going� to leave this� earth� and watch you� suffer for the rest� of your life. You can�t� You have life left��

�You have life left too! FIGHT, CASSIE! FIGHT! You�re a FIGHTER! I know you can do it! I�ve seen you fight before! You spent three years fighting me, fighting to get away from my love! You fought so hard against me, you can do this.�

�I gave� in� to you, Sirius. I� have to give in� now.�

�Don�t. Don�t die.�

�Do you remember the veil, Sirius?�

He frowned. �Veil?�

She closed her eyes as a ripple of pain shot through her. �Do you remember� my vision? The white� and the black��

�Yes, I remember. Stop talking. Save your strength so you can fight against it! Fight! FIGHT!�

�I want to tell you� you�re going to be with me� you don�t know it yet� you�ll be here� right beside me� Andrea, the girl��

�Sh,� Sirius said, placing his finger on her lips. �Don�t talk anymore.�

She reached up and touched his finger. �I have to� say� one last thing��

Sirius shook his head, squeezing his eyes tightly together, fighting with every single bit of his willpower not to shake her back to life. He wanted to do anything to keep her alive and with him. He couldn�t believe that he�d been so careless. He�d just left her. He should have known something like this was going to happen.

�Don�t� spend� your life� grieving. That�s� no way� to live��

�I won�t grieve for you. I love you.�

Sirius leaned down and pressed his lips to Cassie�s. He was shocked at how eerie it felt to be kissing her at that moment. She was cold and distant, trying her hardest to recapture her love for him, but the weak state of her paralysis was taking over.

Her hand fell back to her stomach, where she was hit. She grabbed his sweatshirt with her other hand and let her head fall onto his arm. She looked up at him, remembering every single moment she�d wasted, running away from his love. How could she have done something so stupid?

�I love you, Sirius.�

Her head fell to the side and she stopped moving. Sirius felt a cold fear take over his entire body. She was gone. She was gone. She was gone.

�NO!� he screamed, grabbing her limp, lifeless body and hugging it close to him. �NO! DON�T! DON�T LET HER GO! No, no, no, no, Cassie, come back to me! Come back to me! I can�t live without you! I can�t live without you! No! No!�

His tears fell without regard onto her beautiful, soft blue sweater. He smelled her hair one last time, knowing it would never again softly tickle his nose when he woke up in the morning. He would never be able to smell her scent on the pillow next to him. He�d never wake up with his arms around her soft frame. He�d never know her love again. He�d never be able to look into those beautiful eyes as he made love to her, as he held her in his arms in the act that made them combine as one soul.

�Oh, CASSIE!�

He bent his head forward and sobbed so hard his shoulders shook. He didn�t care anymore. The only person he�d ever loved was now gone.

�Unfortunately. I guess it�s all right, you know. At least I�m making a new friend. Goodnight, Sirius.�

�I�ve never been this unhappy about leaving school. I think you�re the reason. I�ve never had such a great friend, someone who has made me feel so great. I�m not usually this outgoing.�

�I am showing you my spot. I don�t know that anyone else has discovered it.�

�Thiriuth. Thiriuth. I love it!�

�Mine means what it says, as well. I just� I want to let you in, but there�s� too much hurt. I don�t want to be left.�

�I�ve fallen in love with you, Sirius, even deeper than I did with Chris. It would break my heart so badly if you decided to leave me, or if I lost you.�

�And you�re completely right. I am the one standing between you and me. I am the one who is not letting this happen.�

�I want to be with you, Sirius,�

�Sirius. I would absolutely love nothing more than to marry you.�

�I�d never leave. I love you.�

�I love you, Sirius. I�d do anything to make you happy.�

Sirius stared at his dead wife, lying cold in his arms. Only a day ago, she�d given him the greatest gift he could have received, not to mention all of her love on top of that for the entire night. Now she was gone.

He was just glad that he got to hold her once more. He got to be close to her, make love to her, kiss her, whisper his sentiments to her. He wanted her back. He wanted her back more than he�d ever wanted anything in his life.

And he noticed, that as he turned Cassie in his arms, the place she had gotten hit was not on her stomach, as he had predicted. It was on her back.

�Are you Cassiopeia�s husband?�

Sirius looked up, not having the will to stand or even acknowledge the mediwizard�s presence.

Remus, James, and Lily were all sitting with Sirius at St. Mungo�s. Remus seemed to be the most composed. He was the only one coherent enough to speak. Sirius was utterly despondent, and would occasionally burst into a fit of tears. Lily was crying so hard that she had a hard time talking. James was too busy supporting his wife to talk, but grieved privately to himself. Lily held Sirius� hand the entire night as Remus paced in front of them, holding back tears of his own.

�This is Sirius,� Remus said, indicating his lethargic friend.

�Mr. Black, I�d like to speak with you privately.�

Sirius made no signs of moving.

�Mr. Black, this is a matter of dire importance. I have to speak with you in a private area.�

But Sirius only looked back at the floor, gripping Lily�s hand tighter.

Remus shook his head. �Doctor, I believe whatever needs to be said to Sirius can be said in the company of his three best friends.�

The mediwizard sighed, walking closer to the group and closing his eyes as he spoke. �Mr. Black, were you aware that your wife was pregnant?�

Four pairs of eyes instantly looked at the doctor. Sirius mouthed soundlessly for several minutes. �Excuse me?�

The mediwizard nodded, looking at his clipboard. �She was six weeks along. Did she not tell you?�

�No, you don�t understand,� Sirius said, finally finding a voice to speak. He even found the strength in his legs to stand up. �She couldn�t have children. She was subject to the Sterilitas Curse when she was sixteen! She hasn�t been able to have children. There�s no possible way she could have been pregnant.�

The mediwizard nodded again, staring directly at Sirius. �Are you aware that the Sterilitas Curse can be countered, Mr. Black?�

He blinked. �What are you talking about? She would have told me, wouldn�t she?�

�We find that a lot of the witches who undergo such a curse are usually too ashamed to talk about it, or mention they even have it. We get witches who ask about counter curses, as they�re too afraid to look up the cure themselves. Obviously your wife was one of these people.�

�What�s the counter curse?�

�When the victim of Sterilitas finds and, well, consummates their relationship with a love that is true, the curse is rendered ineffective. It reverses, actually. If your wife had looked up the counter curse to this, she would have read it for herself in plain black and white. It�s in any text you�ll find. Your wife, Mr. Black, was pregnant.�

Sirius found the numbness filling his body once again and he suddenly felt very faint. He wasn�t sure what to do. He wanted to sit down, he wanted to fall over, he wanted to vomit�

And it all came back to him. Her fatigue, her constant retching, and he even recalled her being so distressed over all of it because she wasn�t used to such symptoms. It all made perfect sense now. She had been trying to tell him as he held her there on the floor and he wouldn�t let her speak. He would have much rather heard it from her lips than from a stranger�s.

He frowned, remembering his last few moments with her. �Where was she hit? With the Lentus Letum? Where was she hit?�

�In the lower back area.�

Sirius closed his eyes and felt more tears pouring out. Her stomach. No wonder she�d been covering it protectively. It was� it was their baby. She�d been trying to save their baby. Another thought came to his mind.

�Were you able to tell-�

�It was a girl.�

�Andrea,� he whispered.

Remus frowned, looking at his friend. �Who�s Andrea?�

Sirius looked up at the ceiling, blurry eyed, and for the first time in what felt like forever, he smiled. �My daughter.�

�Sirius?�

Looking up from the comfortable confines of his bed, Sirius stared at Remus imploringly. �What is it?�

�I was just cleaning out your bureau in Cassie�s study, and I found something you might be interested in seeing.�

It was nearly a week after Cassie had died and Sirius still found that he couldn�t leave his bedroom. Why had he left that day? Why couldn�t he have just gone to the mediwizard with her? They would have both found out together that they were having a baby. They would have avoided a Death Eater attack, and at that very moment in time, he�d be lying in bed with his wife, cooing at his unborn daughter. He�d already have named her Andrea and be in the process of building her nursery.

He would have been a great father. Now he was just a hopeless widower, lying in bed with nothing left to live for.

Remus sat down on the edge of the bed. He�d been over quite often after Cassie�s passing to help Sirius with his housework and try to get him living again.

�I�ll let you read it.�

Sirius took the envelope from Remus and his friend left the room. Before he could walk out completely, Sirius called to him.

�Listen, Remus,� he said, sitting up and staring at him. �Thank you.�

Remus smiled. �I love Cassie, Sirius. I love her very much.�

Sirius closed his eyes and a tear escaped and ran down his cheek. �Thank you for saying that.�

Remus knew that Sirius didn�t mean thank you for saying that he loved Cassie. He meant saying it as if she were still around. He left then.

Sirius opened the letter in his hand and dropped it when he realized it was from Cassie. It had been written almost four months beforehand.

�My love,

If you have found and are reading this letter, it means I am gone. I knew that once the Death Eater attacks started, it was probably safe to write you a letter.

I wanted you to know how much I�ve always loved you and how much I will always love you. I can�t even imagine my life without you, and I can�t imagine my life before I met you. You were the one reason I let everything in my past go. You were the person who breathed new life into my old spirit, and gave me hope. I woke up every day just to see your smiling face. From sixth year at Hogwarts on. It felt so horrible not to have you in my life.

If I am gone, Sirius, I only have one thing to say to you. DON�T GRIEVE FOR ME! Be a merry widower, Sirius. Love after I�m gone. Don�t ever lose your love for me, but don�t let my love wash over you to the point where you can�t love anyone else ever again. It�s not healthy. I don�t want you to constantly be thinking about what was and what might have been when you�re missing a whole new life. You�re missing a whole new world, waiting for you to run out and grab it. Don�t stay stuck in the past, my love. Embrace life without me. I know you�re probably thinking it�s quite impossible, but do it. If I knew you were sitting around, letting your life rot, I�d be thoroughly upset. You know me.

I also wanted to tell you, I found the strength in me to study about the Sterilitas Curse. Can you believe it? Before you, I was so ashamed of it I didn�t even want to acknowledge I had it. After we got married and I knew you weren�t going to leave me, I was actually able to joke about it! Just recently, I went and did some research on the Curse. I never knew this, and it gave me such hope for our future� it can be rendered ineffective! Do you know how? After you�re� with� your one true love, the spell reverses. Don�t you see? You are the reason! You are my counter curse! You�re the reason I� I mean, we� can have children.

So don�t lie around for the next few years, bereaving. I don�t want you to waste all of your spunk. You are the most energetic and alive person I�ve ever met, Sirius. Don�t let that die right along with me.

Tell them all I love them. Tell Lulu that I�m going to miss his rational and cool-headed ways of telling us that we�re getting out of hand. Tell Lily-kins that I�m going to miss our girl talks, our one on one conversations about the infamous tag team of Potter and Black. Tell Jim-bo he was always my favorite Marauder. I love him like the brother I never had. When Harry Grabber grows up, tell him all about his godmother. Talk about my hair, and how he was always my first and favorite baby in the whole world.

But most of all, Thiriuth Carter Black, tell yourself that there was one person in this entire universe who loved you with all of her heart and that she�s going to miss you more than anything in the entire world. You tell yourself, Sirius, that your wife is waiting for you, waiting for your smile to brighten up her heaven. Your mischievous grin, your dashing good looks, the way you always knew how to make me playful and come alive� I�m waiting for all of it. I�m waiting for you to come to me.

My only regret in life, Sirius, is that I didn�t get to love you sooner. I will never forget the way you loved me and the way you took me in when I thought love was nonexistent.

All my love everlasting,

Cassiopeia Reye-Black.�

Sirius brushed the falling tears out of his face and set the letter down on his lap. Cassie had reached out to him from beyond the grave. She and Andrea were waiting for him in heaven, laughing and playing together. Cassie was telling Andrea all about the father she never got to know.

Sirius pulled the covers off of his legs and stepped out of bed for the first time in a week. He took the letter and hid it in the confines of one of his dressers. He walked out of the room, stretching his hands toward the ceiling.

�Remus?�

�Oy?�

�Can we get out of here? I�d like to embrace life.�