A talebearer revealeth secrets; but he that is of a faithful spirit concealeth the matter. Proverbs 11:13

Deciding when to keep secrets and when to tell them is a vexing problem. There are times when secrets should be kept. When a secret is really nobody else's business, when it would hurt someone with nothing to be gained by telling it, it is better to keep silent about it.

All of us have secrets from our pasts that are matters that have been resolved as best they could be, and it is wrong to reveal past histories that have no relation to current events. On the other hand, if someone has a past history of harmful behavior and appears to be about to repeat his actions with someone unaware of his chronic patterns, it is wrong not to warn the person of the danger they may be in from this person.

A person who shares his troubles with you is depending on your honor to keep the secrets that he tells you. Everyone needs reliable, responsible friends to confide in, and such secrets should normally be considered absolutely private. However, if the secret involves harm to themselves or others, such as a possible suicide, the person should be encouraged to share the secret with other responsible persons and seek help. Only if the person refuses and appears to be serious in his intentions should the secret be told outside of the confidence placed in you. The potential harm to the individual must take precedence over keeping the secret.

The rule of thumb here is to keep the secret unless there appears to be a real possibility of serious harm occurring because the secret was kept. It is often a hard judgment call, and many friendships have been lost when a secret was told, but many lives and reputations have also been saved when timely, responsible intervention stopped a tragedy. When you have to make the judgment call, it is better to lose a friend because you told the secret rather than to let a preventable tragedy happen. A friend will usually understand in time that your motives were for their good, even if the intervention temporarily caused them pain.