Funny Bits!

We met in a secluded field, the sun nearly kissing the evening horizon. The warm breeze was full of that earthly, musky scent that only those fortunate enough to live outside the urban rat race know, and quiet whispering of the leaves in the Weeping Willow overhead added the final touch to the most romantic scene.

We lay there, both naked, I knew I had to have her and have her now. Without a word being spoken, I managed to move myself to a position of dominance. I could feel instantly that this was what she had been waiting for as she frantically thrust her pelvis at my approaching organ.

I moved slowly at first, inch by inch, until I was fully inside her. Then as tension rose, we began the ultimate in sex. Although inexperienced, she approached every change of position with enthusiasm, moaning with despair every time I withdrew to prevent myself from ending it all too soon.

As sexual tension heightened towards the inevitable mind-blowing climax, it was all I could do to hold out until the moment we had been both waiting for was upon us. As it did we rolled together in the now damp grass. As the last deep orange glow of the long set sun melted into the darkness of approaching night, as we lay there still entwined in an amorous embrace, I kissed her long and loving and whispered how good she had been, she tenderly and sensuously licked my inner ear and whispered: "Baaaa", then re-joined the flock.

True Meaning:

"Nice ass."
"I'm poor."
"My hand is tired."
"I'm sick of masturbation."
"You are the only girl who hasn't rejected me."
"So I can tell my friends about it."
"3 more shots, and she'll have her legs around my head."

"I wouldn't kick her out of bed but a pillow over the head might be necessary."
"She won't sleep with me."
"I am so horny that my male roommate is starting to look good."
"I'm insecure about my manhood."
"Is my penis really that small?"
"Who the hell are you?"
"I've done something stupid and you might find out."
"I've done something stupid and you're going to find out sooner or later."
"I've done something really stupid and someone's on their way to tell you by now."
"Get tested."
"I'd rather have my nipples torn off by wild dogs than see you again."
"You're not as attractive as when I was drunk."
"You're ugly."
"Next!!!!"
"I gotta turn on my answering machine.�

Guide to the Male Vocabulary
Statement:

"Haven't I seen you before?"
"I'm a Romantic."
"I need you."
"I want a commitment."
"You're the only girl I've ever cared about."
"I really want to get to know you better."
"It's just orange juice, try it."

"She's kinda cute."

"I don't know if I like her."
"I miss you so much."

"Was it good for you?"
"How do I compare with all your other boyfriends?"
"I had a wonderful time last night."
"Do you love me?"
"Do you 'really' love me?"

"How much do you love me?"

"I have something to tell you."
"I'll give you a call."

"I've been thinking a lot."
"I think we should just be friends."
"I've learned a lot from you."
"I'm on a long distance call, can you call me later?"

Imagine if major companies from all around the world started producing or sponsoring condoms. They would become fashionable and companies would probably advertise more openly, picture it ....
Nike Condoms............ Just do it.
Peugeot Condoms......... The ride of your life.
Sony Condoms............ Do not underestimate the power of Sony Condoms
Microsoft Condoms....... Where do you want to go today?
KFC Condoms............. Finger Licking Good.
M&Ms Condoms............ Melt in your mouth, not in your hands.
Safeway Condoms......... Lightening the Load
Abbey National Condoms.. Because life's complicated enough
Coca Cola Condoms....... The Real Thing.
Ever Ready Condoms...... Keep going and going...
ESSO Condoms............ The eye of the Tiger
Macintosh Condoms...... It does more, it costs less, it's that simple.
Pringles Condoms........ Once you pop, you can't stop.
Burger King Condoms..... Home of the Whopper.
Goodyear Condoms........ For a longer ride go wide
Vauxhall condoms........ Raising the Standard !
Philips Condoms......... Lets make things better !
BT condoms.............. Stay in touch !
Halfords Condoms........ We go the extra mile !
ONdigital condoms...... Plug and Play !!!
Tesco condoms...................Every Little Helps!!