to the seven people who actually read this damn thing, you know who you are,
so this is for you ( who am I kidding, my own girlfriend only skims them).
Plus we have a new segment called THOSE DAMN CANADIANS, honoring our fucked
up neighbors to the north. Our dear asshole friend Physco171 drops by, just
proving the fact that he is Hitler incarnate. All that plus DEAR PEZORGY and
more half tard bashing!!!!!!!!! Let's get this bitch started!!
TOM,
Again, WOW......I can't believe this is my Little Tommy......
The things that come from your mind......I just hope that people at work do
not have a computer to read this...but if they are like you say......They
won't be able to read this shit.......
Love Aunt Carol
You are correct my dear aunt, the idiots at work can not spell thier own
names much less read. So I have no fear of them ever finding out what I say
about them.
Pezorgy,
we were sharing a dose of SST with a few friends one night in my dorm room
and we all were just so offended by the tard remark. Did you know without
the tard program, you would not have a job? Did you know without people
like them, we would not have Star Trek Trekkies? Anyways, we were offended
by it and think further reference to them should be avoided. Also --- could
you tell me who makes those damn delicious marshmellows in the Lucky Charms
cereal because I sure love them!!
~Bean and Elizarda~
P.S. Without the tard programs, we would not have such fine things on
television today, such as America's Funniest Home Videos and the Jerry Lewis
Marathons.
__________________________________________________
Well in responce to you offendedness, I don't care. Speaking of retards,
I'm reminded of last sunday. I was at my brother's football game, and I
noticed a similairity between tards and huge bitches. Huge bitches ( you know
who
I'm talking about, those women that are about a metric ton, we have one at
work we call the "walking circle rack" ). Well anyways, it seems like the
only men that they can marry are retards. I think that is a mean trick to
play on a tard, they probably think they have a hot chick, and they really
have an artery clogged fat ass. Well anyways, there was something that struck
me as odd, one of the tards sitting next to his wife-and-a-half, he sported a
Se World hat with Shamu featured on the front. Thats how they get the tards!
Tards love whales. Obviously they think fat women are Shamu, and get hitched
to them. The huge bitches most likely pass of as whales by letting the tards
pet thier tongues and feed them fisheads and squid arms. Well on to our next
letter.
HEY--
I loved the descriptions of your demented
coworkers!! Thanks for including me in the letter. I
hope it was good for you. Keep sending the ?'s and
I'll go for funny answers. As for Jodie I think the
cheerios were perminantly loged in her brain or
something. Who throws cheerios at children,
honestly.People these days.
Gotta Go--Liz--
easy liz
No problem Liz, I always like having new segments in my
newsletters, it keeps them fresh and exciting, unlike old cheerios. I'm glad
that you found the descriptions of my co-workers funny. Speaking of which, I
am reminded once again of some more that I hate.
Phil: you know that overly jewish turtle on ROCKO'S MODERN LIFE ? Well
Phil is he, and oddly enough shares the same name. Phil is one of those catch
phrase characters, you will most likelt hear a dry "hee hea" from him at any
given circumstance ( even if something heavy is dropped on his foot, believe
me, I've tried)
Ana: Ana speaks about two phrases of english "You show me", and "Tell me
where to put it", both of which I can get her for sexual harrassment. I don't
know how she got the job....no wait, now i get it...........
Michele: The lady looks like Tinkerbelle, I just want to tell her that I
don't believe in fairies and watch her die off.
Well thats all the co-workers for this week, I gaurantee more by next
week. Our next letter is from my cousin Alli promoting porn or something. Yea
porn!!!!
Yo punk ass,
i finally decided to respond to one of your newsletters...i think maybe it
will become a new hobby ;-)
in response to Bean's comment on porn: (which i think is just an addictive
stimulator which the world would be better without)
i disagree. not that i am telling her she is wrong, i just feel porn is an
artform in its own other-worldy category. yes, it is addictive (please know i
am NOT speaking from personal experience, lets just say all my friends are
guys b/c i hate girls) but as far as i see it, i'd rather some horny boy jerk
off to Penthouse than stalk some girl down the hall...whats wrong with a
little "personal time" every now and then?
and for your co-worker list, something i do know quite a bit about....
1) herb- couldnt have explained him any better
2) sue- must be assassinated immediately for her comments this morning on her
changing rooms...wanna help??
3) the fat ass in juniors is lori...no one at Penney's likes her. she treats
me like sue treats you and she stands in my way when i'm trying to
clean...damn bitch..
4) juanita- never did anything to me, but i'm not doubting your accusations
5) please dont call those kids half tards...if they are half tards then i'm a
full tard and thats not nice...the ones that work with me are great and
actually are really helping me out and you know how busy i am. oh, and i take
offense to the comment: "They always give them bitch jobs like cleaning the
windows." it aint all that easy....when you have to do it to mr. K's
standards...and you know what its like to wash a window and then have a kid
come smear his face on it b/c he likes the clean glass?? fucking kids....
and yes, i admit, I am penney's floor care whore and bathroom wench...so be
it. i hate you. no, actually i value your existence. you make work
liveable....that half hour of lunch is the keeper of my semi-sanity ;-)
ok, enough babble....i'm out...
your favorite co-worker and cousin ;-)
~~Alli
Well....unnnnn....errrrrr.......well said!!!!!!! Now for our THOSE DAMN
CANADAINS segment, reported to us by AMCT99.
Babies With Guns? What is Canada Thinking?
Gun-control and children's advocates are enraged today in our lovely
northern neighbor, Canada. To encourage hunting, (a lovely, humane sport),
Canada's Ministry of Environment introduced regulations to the public that
would allow children as young as 12 to learn to shoot ducks and geese. What
next, the neighbors yapping dog?
The country has 60 percent fewer hunters now than 10 years ago, said the
Canadian Wildlife Service, which has led to certain animal overpopulations.
Kids who wish to participate in this activity must have had a safety class
and must be accompanied by a licensed hunter (or their redneck relative) who
is at least 18 years old. Are the mounties really going to check IDs for
these "chaperones" at the forest edge? Only time will tell if Canada has
finally gone further into insanity than those of us in the States believe it
is. Check in next week for another "Stupid Canada" report.
Canadians are stupid, I think we can all agree on that. Thanks for the
report AMCT99, keep us all up to date on THOSE DAMN CANADIANS.Well my last
segment is about my nemisis Physco171, the kid who can't spell his own screen
name right. If you have read my newsletters before, you know that this kid is
the biggest idiot on the planet, this will make it worse.
physco171: nemisis
PezOrgy: not me
physco171: o yes it is you
PezOrgy: it can't be me i'm innocent
physco171: yeah and i am abraham licoln
PezOrgy: hmmm, what a choice that you pick to be the prey
physco171: no i choose a president that was honest and responsible
PezOrgy: or an idiot, who can't tell if someone is behind him pointing a
gun to his skull
physco171: you know it was well as i
physco171: me and you arent very different we live by a few differences but
we think alike
PezOrgy: in politics maybe, which is wierd since i'm liberal and your
conservative
physco171: no
physco171: i am a mix
physco171: i dont stereo type myself in liberal or conservitive
PezOrgy: your conservative
physco171: i dont know so whatever
physco171: why because i am not open minded
physco171: no
PezOrgy: gays?
physco171: its wrong but i cant stop them and arresting them and trying to
stop them would be unconstitutional
physco171: so it would have to stay the same
physco171: but i would make them register themselves with the state
PezOrgy: register themselves?
PezOrgy: are you fukking nutz?
physco171: yup
physco171: many say so
PezOrgy: ok, you are hitler
physco171: no
physco171: not really
physco171: because
physco171: look dude do you think its fair for gays to adopt kids
physco171: common now thats ethically and morally unright
PezOrgy: what is wrong with it? i see nothing
physco171: gays can do what they want i dont care as long as it doesnt
involve me
PezOrgy: gays are born that way
physco171: its physcological
physco171: gays its all physcological
physco171: you arent born gay
physco171: no
physco171: its the mind
PezOrgy: listen, how many gay people do you actually know?
physco171: a few
physco171: why?
PezOrgy: they have always been gay
PezOrgy: not a choice
PezOrgy: they didn't wake up one day "hey i'm gay"
PezOrgy: they have had all the same traits thier entire life
physco171: it makes no sense
physco171: i wasnt born strong or determined they are traits i developed
when i was younger
physco171: if a child is around gays he will become gay
physco171: and thats the truth because he will see it first hand
PezOrgy: of corse not
THE KID IS AN IDIOT!!!!!! First he suggests having them all registered???
Then he tells me that they shouldn't have kids??? Hey everyone, if you ever
see this idiot online, remind him that he is Hitler in case he forgot. Well
thats all for now, one day I'll have my scanner up and working again, and you
all can get wonderful pictures.
