dissapointed last week when it never came out, but the huge anniversary issue
took a lot out of me. I promise you all that it will never happen again. I
also wanted to appologize to all the responces that I lost in the absence of
SST. This week we will have DEAR PEZORGY ( the couple responces that I have
found), an all new pie literature from an up and comming writer named Jodie,
a top 8 list from our field reporter AMCT99, and of course, a demented little
story from yours truely. Let's get this bitch started.
Dear PezOrgy,
I am glad to hear about humor made at half tards's expense. I myself am
a co-worker of several half-tards (only 2 of them are legally
half-tarded) the rest are seemingly aspiring half-tards. Not only do I
enjoy hearing about half-tards...i like to say half tards. It has a nice
ring to it. Say it out loud...Half-Tards....it brings smile to your
face....or maybe I'm just high. I'm not sure which. God put them on earth
for a reason ( well, assuming you believe in god) In any case, they are
here and serve a purpose: to entertain those of us who are not half
tards. (i mean, what the hell else CAN they do? There halftards!!)
Anyway getting on past half tards....Hitle-I mean physco i think may be
a half-tard (ok, so i lied about being done with half tards, fuck off.)
If he wants to be mad because you edited his conversations he shoudl
understand that. YOu are his nemisis. Of course you will tailor his words
to benefit your own plans. And besides, he play football, and sucks dick, he
can;t be
that smart so his credibility at accusing you of changing his words his
flawed right there. Especailly after saying butt darts should get
registered. What would that do, give you another box to check off on your
income tax forms? Man, I forgot all about hating suzy. maybe you need a
"FUCK!!! I HATE SUZY!!!" installment. where everyone can send in there
favorite suzy bashing/hating moments.
I know Mitzutanni would have a couple letters for you. not to mention
your own.
-Crazytrain4...I do what my rice krispies tell me to do.
I appreciate your love of my half tard humor, but alas, they are jokes
from last season, and there are bigger and better groups out there to be
singled out, and torn to pieces. You will not hear another half tard comment
from this pezhead. And about me editing my nemisis's letters, you are 100%
correct, but just try to figure out which part I added in your little
responce hee hee. Our next letter is from leggzz1882, an interesting view on
our gay dispute that never seems to go away.
(This is for wet shelly as a reponse to part of her
letter:) Actually, hun, there are some people that
just decide, "hey, i think i am going to be gay
today." take my ex, for example. he is one fucked up
individual, and has just spontaneously decided to be
gay on several occasions. just thought i'd let you
know. still, dont hesitate to hit him with your car if
you get the chance. but then again, he'd probly just
run into the side of it. ok i'm done now.=0) ~~nikki~~
Ok I don't want to make fun of you in front of all these SST readers (in
case not all of you know this, this is my girlfriend), but I'm going to do
it anyways [ hey, what is more entertaining then a juicy dispute between
lovers?] But that kid was gay since I knew him, I personally think you were
the only person in school who didn't know that he was gay. I mean come on,
how many times did you catch him in your sister's dresses? There was no shock
in his "comming out", we all knew it. So you are wrong saying someone can
just decide to be gay. Ok there, I hope all you SST fans got a tickle out of
that one because I'll be hearing about it for weeks to come. The next reader
would like to give her 2 cents in Canadian currency.
Tom--
I enjoyed the newsletter. I'm sorry you didn't like
the answer to the question you gave me. Give me the
scoop on what's up there. Also, I don't find the tard
comments offensive. They are hilarious. Keep them
coming, and I think that all comments on religion
should be taken out of the newsletter because I hate
when people discuss and debate religion. Tom you're
awsome and I miss you. LOVE--Liz--
All the coments taken out about religion? I just put in what people
respond to, if I were to write about rice pudding, I'm sure I wouldn't get as
many responces as when the whole religion thing comes up. But I do agree with
you that is has been over killed, and as you will see, I'll bring it up no
more. My next letter is from most likely one of my biggest SST fans out
there, I slaute you Elizarda.
dear pezhead,
i thought men would like to be used as mere sexual objects. i am sorry if i
offened you with that. but hey, isn't that what your newsletter is all
about. letting people talk and offend others. it keeps your letter going. i
loved your story. especailly when the boy tries to go outside and find out
that he is better off where he was. that should teach him. lol. you really
said nothing this week to offend me. i think people should let the half-tard
thing drop. i am tired of hearing about it. anyway, have fun.
elizarda
Nothing offends tom, not even if you killed off my family. Go ahead, try
it. No seriously, try it! Go on ! No but on a serious note, I'm glad that you
liked Inflatable Boy, If you liked that one, scroll down and read
Jerk-in-a-box, it's an old classic love tale I wrote for my girlfriend this
summer. Ok, let's move onto Pie Literature. I know this young author will
make it to the big time one day, she will finally get a piece of the pie. The
stage is your's Jodie:
As the woman's(her name was Clarice) hair blew in the cool, desert
breeze, her eyes squinting against the harsh sunlight, she found herself
staring at the one thing she wanted the most. She found herself longing for
it, craving it, like a monster she had to have it. She was thinking she
could not live without it, it had to be hers and hers only. As she stared
at it longingly, her mind began to fill with unthinkable thoughts and
expectations, things a proper lady would never dream to think of. And then
she shielded her eyes for a split second, and saw it perfectly in a ray of
light.
A delicate, soft, perfectly cut piece of pumpkin pie. Sitting there in
the sand, as the tumbleweeds roll by, it just sits there, taunting her, with
its white folded linen napkin, and silver china plate, and a beautifully
designed fork. It even had vanilla ice cream melting slowly off the top,
making her crazy with desire. She got up her courage, finally. She took a
deep breath, and slowly started to make her way over to the pie.
"Excuse me," she said, softly, "but I noticed you from over there. You look
mighty good, and I was wondering if you have any plans this evening?" The
pie just sat there, still, motionless, silent. She tried again. "Are you
busy this evening?" It was the same reaction as before. Clarice figured it
was a good sign, so she carefully picked up the plate, and walked off.
Later that evening, Clarice was sitting with the piece of pie, pouring it
glass after glass of wine. After she was sure it was pretty drunk, she took
it carefully into her bedroom. "Pie," she said, "I have waited for this for
a long time. I have been saving myself. For the right time, I mean. Well
now," and as she said this next line, she took her finger and run it across
the side of its beautifully cut triangle, "this IS the right time...for us,
at least. Any objection?" Of course there was none. And so the night
passed, we won't get into the details of that hot night of romance.
The next morning, Clarice awoke to an empty plate. Frantically
searching, she tried to remember where she put the pie. She was a little
drunk too last night. "Oh!" she cried, "I have been used! It was a one
night stand!" Clarice sat down and cried for hours on end. When she
finally rose from the bed to take a shower, she found an interesting
surprise, and she didn't quite feel so bad after all...
Thank you for your endless pie tales, I hope you can keep up on our Pie
Literature, maybe an adventure sci-fi pie, or a haiku pie, or how about a pie
song? Just some ideas. Now are you all ready to be grossed out? Here is the
situation, the other day at JC Penny's, someone took a shit in the dressing
room, and left it there. Needless to say, they called maitenance to remove
the pest. Now my cousin Alli works in Maitenance, and wasn't too happy about
any of this, but she was a good sport and made us all a top 8 grossest things
that she has found in the dressing rooms.Here goes:
THE TOP 8 NASTY THINGS FOUND IN THE FITTING ROOMS AT JCPENNEY AT SOUTHPARK
MALL
8.) very very very moldy unidentifiable substance behind mirror in misses
7.) two dirty diapers in children's
6.) two used condoms in lingerie
5.) a used tampon in juniors
4.) dried cum on mirror in young mens (found on 2 occasions)
3.) clothes that had been peed on in juniors
2.) a pile of shit in dresses
1.) remains of a miscarriage in dresses
NOTE: none of these are made up. they have honestly been found at Southpark
JCPenney's. ~~ALLISON
I hope none of you were eating anything at the time of reading this. Oh
well, now for my demented tale of Jerk-in-a-Box.
[Unable to display image]
There once was a toy named Jerk-in-a-Box.
--And not many kids liked him ( because of his play)
Anytime some one turned his crank, he snapped them on out,
But it wasn't his fault he was designed this way.
Y'see an evil toymaker used and abused him,
Taught him to play this wretched game.
He warped his wooden box, and took out his eye,
And never even thought to ever tell him just why.
So Jerk-in-a-Box remained an unpopular toy.
Never sold, and never bought in love.
Untill one day he met a beautiful girl,
She had a heart of gold, and the skin of a dove.
She played with him a while, even turned his crank,
But when he snapped out to push her away-- she surprisingly stayed.
Y'see she too had once been used as a toy,
Used and abused by a manipulative boy.
And with Jerk-in-a-Box she sought something more.
--something to release al thier pain.
Maybe with eacother, to love one another,
They could both find a way to be human again.
That's all for now, thank you all for your patience!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
