the greatest SST in the history of the world. You will not be dissapointed.
We have an all new story with illustrations (sorry for all those who don't
get the illuatrations because you are too cheap for AOL, but hey), we have a
lovely poem by Jodie about Madonna VS Pie, we have a tribute to the Ultamate
Badasses, more words from Physco171, all this plus Dear Pezorgy. Let's get
this bitch started because we have a lot to pack in here.
Well last newsletter I got a lot of responces , mostly about Physco171,
so I created a theme song for it, "let's get physco, physco, come on and get
physco ( pronounce fiz-ik-co, and sing along to that cheesy 80's song
Physical)". Well anyways, Physco got really pissed about the last newsletter
( I accidentally sent it to him..ha ha hee hee), and now he wont talk to me,
but not before he sent me this nice e-mail....let's read....now note, I added
the red parts.
You know Tom i thought you were a different kind of person but if your
going
to make fun of me because of my views go ahead( I'm not making
fun.......ok...so i am). Remeber buddy i let go the fact that you came on
line and started going nuts on me about things that werent true, like the
holocaust. O yeah i like how you seem to edit certain parts of the
conversation( who cares, nobody wants to hear your bible babble). If thats
how you want to play it go with it. Your angry and
mad because my views dont agree with yours so you decide to write about me
because of it. Your really mature you show a really great maturity level i
am impressed( did that make any sence to you guys?). Also you call me crazy
your the one who wants to have sex with dead people ( can i tell you my
secret now? I fuck dead people). And i am not hitler ( what ever you say
Hitler). I never said they should be killed or excuted ( only registered) i
dont care what they do as long as it doesnt involve me. My opinions are my
opinions and you took them out of hand. After all the stuff i have heard from
you dude. What is with that. YOu have problems man.
Do I really have problems? Well if i do, i blame them on my family. Ok,
lets move onto the next letter, it is from a friend we like to call Wet
Shelly.
My dear Tom;
Well, if I ever met phsyco171 in person I might have to kill him. Such
idiots! I can't stand people that are that ignorant! There is no way that
someone just decides to say that "hey I'm gonna be gay today" "doesn't that
sound like fun". Nope don't think so hon. Stupid people and their
narrow-minded Christian views. Not that I hate all Christian just the ones
like him! And I equally hate racists, as much as I hate Republicans. Ewww.
Well, now that I feel quite pissed off at all the ignorance I have just read
I must depart now. See ya all later. Bye-bye.
And oh by the way, it's not nice to pick on the "tards" as you like to call
them ~ they didn't choose to live with that challenge. So be nice. :o) Bye.
I pick on tards? I think you have that confused with me picking on
physco. No really, why not pick on the half tards? They think its funny. Ok
next letter is from my newfound friend Liz.
am i allowed to kill your little bible thumping nemisis. cause right now i
really want to. register gays? i know you will get a title wave of responces
on this one. christ! now it's time for my theroy #35, and you know all about
my theroys tom. this one invovles the registration and segragation of men
from the sane population of the world, that would be the female population.
this would be for the good of the world. i myself get along with men better
than women most of the time. women can be catty and rude, but at least the
usually don't smell. after this registration prosses, the men will my forced
to live underground. there they can do whatever they like, watch porn,
fight, just as long as they don't disturb the tranquility of the world i
have created. now tom, i know you like sex. you must be asking right
now...beth how would we populate the world and women couldn't do without sex
for so long? well, i would set up a catologe system in which the women of
the world could order men for the night or reserve them for a while. either
way it is the best way to save our planet. now tom, ask you bible thumping
friend how he would like to be registered for something that he had been
bore. how he would like to be a second class citizen because of a condition
that he cannot help. well, i guess that i could help him, i could cut his
dick off. i bet you he is against my plan. i bet he wouldn't like to be
scrutenizes like he wants the gay population of american too. and what would
happen once they were registerd.
either way, i hope you have fun this week. and start sending your newsletter
to my friend jennie. i gave her your address cause she likes to play with
men and their minds. send your sanity that way.
your friend
elizarda
Nice theory you have there on treating guys like mole people. Maybe you
should just skip the rest of the newsletter and go straight to INFLATABLE
BOY. Now it's time for my theory #35...it's called the theory of relitives.
Relatives suck.....that's my theory. Well I am no Einstien....hell I don't
even know if I spelled Einstien right. Well onto our next letter, it is from
an SST newbie.
Elizarda forwarded me you newsletter. Engaging, but the comments about
the "...half tards..." were really offensive. (I suppose that was the
point...) At least when you impugn a person's religious beliefs they are
(commonly) able to defend themselves if they so choose. While I'm not
one to depreciate the humor in insulting people who are idiots by choice
and therefore deserving of it, I hardly see the merit in slandering those
who are completely incapable of ever understanding the insult.
rus
So you found the bit about the half tard offensive too huh? Have you ever
seen any performance art? They do the most outrageous things, I once saw a
woman masturbate with a knife. This one guy nailed his penis to a wall, then
gave himself an enema with his own blood. This other guy cut off his own
member centimeter by centimeter untill it was completely gone, then two weeks
later he had people skin him alive. And do you know what is the sickest part
of all this performance art? People actually watch it. So when I pick
profoundly on half tards, it's all you SST readers who get that little smirk
in the corner of your mouth. Besides, the retards have fun being retarded, do
you know how fun it is to just pretend that your retarded? They are retarded
24-7, they have loads of fun, so don't feel bad for them. Hell, I wish that I
was retarded sometimes ( ha ha ha ha yeah right, I also wish that I was a
gay, black, muslim woman, the biggest minority on the face of the planet.)
Ok, hopefully I offended you all at least twice this evening, now for our
next letter is from my dear tiggy, who has given this newsletter its namesake.
Dear Pezorgy,
Ya know, usually I just sit here and mind my own business reading your
newsletter observing what unspeakale things you'll come up with this week.
However, this particular time while reading your ever so appropriately named
Sanity For The Sick And Twisted, I couldn't help but reply. First of all, in
response to Bean's complaint. Do you realize who you're dealing with?? This
is Tom. You should automatically know before you open the newsletter that
there WILL be SOMETHING offensive in it. If you find it offensive...don't
read it. Second, I have some comments regaurding the conversation between
you and your nemesis. He claims that being around gay people "makes you gay"
and its all psychological??? Sexuality is a natural instinct that you are
born with (as Tom mentioned) You don't learn who you are NATURALLY attracted
to. Hence the word NATURALLY, derived from NATURE. Say it with me now. Two
syllables... I know that could be tough. Its clear that this psycho person
is abviously a homo-phobic. My own personal analysis (which isn't very
scientific, but its a damn good theory) is that since he foolishly believes
that gay people "turn" gay, that if he's around them, he might start to like
it. And registering??? Registering your sexual preferance?? And precisely
what purpose might that serve??? So they can't have kids? Is that what he
wants? So.. its ok for parents to negelct their children and beat the hell
out of them, but God forbid they expose their children to how the world
ACTUALLY works! I feel sorry for that boy. He's obviously very oblivious to
his surroundings, and being cocky about his ignorance isn't helping him very
much.
Sorry for taking so long, but thanks for letting me speak my mind!
-Tiggy
Don't appologize for speaking your mind, I love that sort of thing, it is
what makes this newsletter so interesting. You send me mail, I print it, I
print everything, even if I dont believe in it. Some of you are too afraid to
write in, in fear that I will tear you too shreds. Well fear will get you
nowhere, you write in, I'll turn that nowhere into "now here" . My next
letter is from an old chum that I mis dearly, perhapse the most sarcastic
person I have ever met.
tom
i think that you are just talking the shit about gays to start a fight....you
hate gay people...you hate all people. it doesnt matter if they were born gay
or they turned gay, the point is there gay...remember when you wanted to make
prom like a consontration camp to kill everyone....that proves my
point...dont fight with the guy cause he hates gays, if you hate everyone
then gays are included
I don't hate gays, I hate suzie, I think you got that confused. Now about
the deathcamp thing, well I'm sorry if I thought the holocaust would make an
awsome theme for the prom. Am I right people? I mean it would be the best
statement, girls already starve themselves for months to squeeze into a dress
two sizes too small, they already look like the just walked out of a
deathcamp. Plus we could gas chamber the prom court. I meam com on, who
wouldn't want razor fencing at prom? Well thats at least three times I've
offended most of you (if you even stuck with me this far). Our next letter
comes all the way from the bedroom next to mine, from my insane brother Simon
suggestion: destroy pyscho... he is the scum that degrades the already
pathetic society we live in! plus it would be fun!!! umm do you know that in
order to have a 10th anniversary that you would have to be doing this for 10
years? i know we didnt have the nbet for 10 years. i know that you didnt
start this when you were about eight or nine.. so what is your excuse?
Yes .....and no. Yes destroying physco would be ammusing, but I need the
material for my newsletter. And I was aware that in order to have a tenth
anniversary issue i'd have to be doing this for ten years, but I did it
anyways. Who gives a shit. The next letter comes from Mitzutanni ( whicjh is
japanese for "veitnamese whore")
dear pezorgy,
I have a legitamate question to ask all dear pezorgy
readers.............................
Why is physco171 such a fucking idiot?! First off, he can't spell his own
screen name, second, he's a cycloptic jackass, third, he's somekind of evil
nazi worshipper biatch, fourth, he's under the impression that he's cool
(which I think all the readers know he's incredibley far from it),fifth, he's
a football player (that could be the clincher), sixth, he tries to think( and
does a poor job of it), and finally, he thinks gay people should have to be
registered, when he's the one who wrestles with sweaty guys in spandex. But
you decide. Write pezorgy with your thoughts and comments.
Yes physco is all those things, but what is Superman with out Lex Luthor,
What is Batman without the Joker, what is Wolverine without Sabretooth, What
is Professor X without Mageneto? We all need an enemy, go find yours, it
keeps comic books interesting.....i mean keeps life interesting....Ok, Dear
Pezorgy is finally finished ( I'll call a 15 minute intermission). Now for a
hilarious poem written by Jodie Hutchinson, I swear it's better than anything
Robert Frost ever did.
Pie is better than Madonna
Madonna has made over 12 albums,
and has starred in over 10 movies,
But I can't lie to my friends anymore:
I think PIE is just way more groovy.
Sure, Madonna and PIE are similar,
They're soft and they have an outside crust,
When you wake up and want some at midnight,
Which do YOU think is better to trust?
With PIE, don't worry about outside flings,
Or if it's getting in someone's pants,
Because whoever puts PIE down their pants, (sorry Tom, no offense)
Go on and alter your mental stance.
So the next time you hear 'Like A Virgin',
'Crazy For You', 'Material Girl',
Remember that PIE is so much better,
And PIE is the best thing in the world.
Tears are forming at the corners of my eyes. It's beautiful really. Well
to keep this fast paced, We will move onto the Ultimate BadAss list. Here are
the top 5 Ultimate Badasses in Hollywood.
5) Gary Oldman....this guy is Dracula, I've not seen a better since
Lugosi. And with Oldman's rumored involvement in the remake of Planet Of the
Apes, he may just move up the list some. Bad Ass-o-meter level : 6
4) Tim Curry..........I know what you guys are thinking, how can Tim
Curry be on the bad ass list? Well not many of you guys know his full
capabilities. He played Pennywise the clown on Steven King's IT, yup, thats
Curry underneath all that makeup. Anyone remember Legend with Tom Cruse? Well
Curry played the Darkness, now if that isn't the Ultimate Badass, I don't
know what is. Not to mention the Dr. Franknfurter character that has lived on
for the past three decades. Bad Ass-o-meter level : 8
3) Jack Nicholson.........Ok, not only did he make the scariest movie
of all time (the Shining), but Jack just has that evil guy persona in every
character he plays ( he was born to play the Joker). Bad Ass-o-meter: 9
2) Ray Park.............Now not many of you will actually know who
Ray Park is, kudos to all you fanboys out there that actually do. Well for
one he was Darth Maul on the Star Wars prequal, for two he played the
headless horseman in Sleepy Hollow ( when he didn't have a head, so it was
hard to tell it was him after they digitally removed it), and for three he
played the Toad on the X-men movie. Now those are three unforgetable
characters that definatly puts Ray Park on the list. Bad Ass-o-meter: 9
1) Christopher Walken.......there are no words nesessary to explain
why Christopher walken is the Ultamate Badass. Just look into his pale,
sunken in face, slick back hair, dead stare eyes, carniverous teeth, no
emotions, no nothing.........it doesn't matter what part Walken plays, walken
himself is the Ultamate Badass. Bad Ass-o-meter: 10.
Ok, I know I promissed a lot in this newsletter, but I doubt any of you
even made it this far, so here goes the story of Inflatable Boy.
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There once was a toy named Inflatable Boy. He lived in a small red box
undearneath his girlfriend's bed. That is where he spent most of his time,
sitting in cobwebs, dust, filth, and grime. And when he actually came out, he
was chained to the bed, what a miserbale life that toy lead. All he ever
wanted in life was to be a real boy, not some stupid locked up toy.
One day, out of pent up anger and rage, he decided to leave his pent up
cage. He would venture out in the real wolrd, recieve minimum wage. Buy his
own bed, and blankets all biege. He wouldn't be chained to just a stupid
post, he would get out of life just what he wanted the most. What an idea,
What a plan ! With this new life, not only would he beal a real boy, he'd be
a real man.
[Unable to display image]
So he bursted free of his chains, and headed towards the door. It was
locked so he jumped onto the floor. Y'see the best part of being inflatable,
is that you can also deflate. And so without hesitation to wait, he let out
his air at a very quick rate. It's not too much trouble, when made out of
rubber, to slip yourself through a crack. And that's what he did, pulled
himself through, with out even thinking to look back.
"What is on the otherside?" he said, he didn't have a single clue, he
had never been anywhere except under a bed. And what is the first thing he
see's in his head, but a frog sniffing some glue.
[Unable to display image]
"Hey man", said the frog, "My name is Toady. I've been chilling as a
Rock-n-Roll roadie. I am your consciance, y'no that voice in your head. I've
heard everything you've said, and the miserable life you have lead. It's not
that kool,and I wont let it slide, I'll take you to a better place, hell,
I'll even provide you the ride. Just take a lick of the back of my hide, and
that's all you'll need to come with me inside.
The boy wasn't so sure , in fact the whole story seemed like a lure. This
frog was most likely a liar, and the boy wasn't about to become a buyer. If
this was the world outside that door, why would the boy even want to see more?
" Fuck you frog! Your less than shit on a log!", the boy called out as
took a step back, "I'm going home, and hitting the sack".
And so the toy went back to his old life, back under the bed ( but this
time he carried a knife). If that bullshit frog ever came back, he would stab
and he would hack. That little bastard will never see the day Inflatable Boy
would ever give into the sway. And in his old life, the boy found some joy,
he actually likes being a toy.
