The Difference Between Dreams And Reality

Why is it always supposed to be true love? Why does it always have to be forever? My life’s not a fairy tale, you know.

At least if it is, it’s an incredibly screwed-up one.

I’ll admit it now, as I have many times in the past few years: I loved Akane.

Heh, if you hadn’t known me for those years, the years of our marriage, I bet that that would’ve surprised you.

I loved her. It’s no secret now. I’m not sure when it happened, but it did, and quite a while before I admitted it, too. Although no one was surprised.

We married, at the age of twenty. A formal proposal two years before that managed to quiet our fathers, which went a long way towards making our lives more peaceful and a marriage actually feasible.

The strange part is, I was really happy for those two years, and the two years after that. It was our happily ever after.

But while stories end there, lives don’t.  

It had been a slow change, so slow that I didn’t even notice it. And I probably would never have noticed it – not on my own.

***

He actually knocked on our door, entirely at random. Of course he couldn’t have known that it was our house; we hadn’t seen him since the wedding – no surprise there – and we’d moved quite recently.

Akane answered the door, and he didn’t even recognize her. Then I rounded the corner, and he froze, right in mid-question.

So he recognized me, but not her. Strange.

I could see the two years in his eyes, even if he hadn’t aged much otherwise. He started to bumble an apology and backed off, leaving Akane standing there, holding the door open, not understanding what was wrong; she didn’t know I was there yet. He was at the street before she started to close the door.

I pushed past Akane and ran after him. I’m not entirely sure why I did that – I guess I didn’t want him to have found us and then just wander off again.

I decided not to call after him, instead catching up to him – it wasn’t hard, once he hit the street he wasn’t going very fast – and grabbing him by the back of his collar. He pulled for a moment, then turned his head to glare at me. I was a bit taken aback by the expression in his eyes, the angry twist of his mouth. I guess I’d forgotten more than I’d thought…

“Hey, where do you think you’re going?” I demanded. He just tried to pull away, but by some stubborn instinct I held firmly to his collar.

“Let me go!” he demanded, pulling so hard now that the fabric started to give. “Ranma!”

I let go. He stumbled, almost fell, but managed to stay on his feet. He shot one last angry look at me over his shoulder before walking away.

Or at least it was supposed to be a last look. I ran after him. “C’mon, Ryouga,” I tried in my most reasonable voice. “Why don’t you stay for a while? It’s almost time for dinner; the least I can offer an old friend is a meal, right?”

He actually stopped at this. I could almost hear his stomach growl. Then I looked at him, really looked, and saw the tension in his shoulders, and his hands starting to curl into fists at his sides. I wished, for a fleeting moment, that I could take back the invitation, that I could take back ever having run out here in the first place. And yet…

I didn’t get much of a chance to doubt my decision, because he nodded, sharply, once, and our course was set at firmly as if it had been engraved onto our bones.

“Great!” I exclaimed, forgetting instantly about the moment of doubt. I jogged a bit to catch up with him, and grabbed his wrist. I was grinning, I know; I felt 16 again. Or rather, I felt like I should have when I was sixteen…

***

At dinner he couldn’t take his eyes off of Akane. At first that made for a bit of discomfort, but then he seemed to shake himself into social mode and smiled, commenting quite politely on how different – and well – Akane looked. That was expected, but what got to me was how different his smile was. It was the same smile that he’d always had, that he would use years ago when, although normally depressed, he was actually happy, yet there was something different, too.

Something in the way he arranged his lips… it took me a moment of rather impolite staring to realize that he was hiding his fangs with his lips, something he’d never done before.

I shouldn’t have stared. “Ranma?” Akane asked, a slightly worried note in her voice.

I looked up, blinking. “Eh… oh… it’s just…” I waved vaguely at my own mouth then gave up, shaking my head and laughing in embarrassment. “It’s just been so long, Ryouga! What brought you back to Tokyo?”

There was a bit of a pause. My first thought was that he was just being his normal quiet self, not wanting to answer questions, but my eyes hadn’t forgotten as much as I had and brought to my attention the subtle tension in his shoulders, the sudden cessation of movement of the chopsticks he held in his right hand.

“Oh… nothing in particular,” he answered, very quietly. I’m glad I’ve never had any problems hearing, or else I may have had trouble, he had spoken so quietly. “Just looking for home.”

“Oh… er…” I had to bite back a taunt, but came up with nothing else to say. Some things were better left in adolescence, although damned if I could come up with another way to act with him…

Akane came to my rescue, making up some small talk that I don’t even remember anymore. She flashed me an exasperated glance; with a start I almost mistook her for the sixteen-year-old girl again.

[Ranma no baka!]

I excused myself, which probably wasn’t very polite but I didn’t care much about manners at that point.

***

My reflection stared back at me in the mirror, not offering any helpful advice, damn it. I noticed for the first time in a while how the years had changed the way I looked – it had only been six, but in my mind I’d always been sixteen, and there were subtle differences.

I’d gained a bit of weight. All of it was muscle, I was proud to add immediately afterwards. Teaching five high-level martial arts classes a week kept me well in shape, and I competed every now and then, although I kept myself to one particular style when I did so. It was fairer that way, and I’d actually lost a couple, although never a rematch of course. In addition I’d taken on some very promising students for private lessons. Most of them were too old, but they would still be some of the best.

There would never me anybody like me ever again. I was going to make sure of it.

With any luck, there would never be another person like any of the players in my teenage life.

The door to the bedroom creaked open. I watched, staring into his reflection in the mirror without giving any clues that I could see, as Ryouga slowly entered the room behind me.

“Ranma-” he began.

“What?” I snapped. I didn’t mean to snap, but it came out that way.

His eyes flashed. I saw that distinctly in the mirror. But he collected himself. “Ranma, are you alright?”

I turned to face him at that unexpected question. “What do you mean my that?” I waved a hand vaguely. “I’m… happy…”

“Really?”

“Yeah…” I sighed, leaning back on my heels, almost sitting on the edge of the dresser. Akane would berate me if she saw. I leaned my head back to stare at the ceiling. “Everything’s so normal. It’s like… like none of it ever happened.”

“But it did happen.” I didn’t look at him.

“But… this is nice, too.”

He shook his head. “You’re not Ranma Saotome.”

That caught my attention. “What?”

“You’re too different to be him.”

“So I’ve grown up a bit. So what?”

“So…” he turned his head, indecisive. “You’ve changed.”

Beat.

“She’s changed too,” he finally continued.

“I know.”

“I suppose you get along well? I notice you haven’t had any children yet…”

That was unexpected. “No… we decided that we weren’t ready for children yet, we’re both still young…”

“Were you ever planning on having any?”

“I suppose so… Ryouga, why are you asking about this?” It was baffling. It’s almost as if he wants us to…

“Well…” he shook his head. “No real reason. Curiosity, I suppose.”

“Curiosity? Look, Ryouga…”

I never got to finish my sentence, at least not to him.

Ryouga stepped out.

I walked slowly to the door that he had been standing in, still a little surprised at his abrupt departure. I touched the doorframe. It was still warm; he’d been leaning against it.

So it had happened.

Not that I really doubted that, but…

Sometimes you just need proof that the world is really going the way you think it is.

***

I stared blankly at the dark ceiling, unable to sleep even through the glowing red numbers of the clock on the bedstand read quarter after one. Akane was asleep on the right side of the bed, one hand clutching her pillow, her head turned away from me. I could hear her softly snoring. That was bearable – at least she’d stopped tossing so much in her sleep. For several months after our wedding we’d had to sleep in separate beds, just so I didn’t wake up the next morning covered in bruises. That had sure made the hotel staff on our honeymoon whisper…

I allowed myself a small smile. Judging by the tumultuousness of the years of our engagement, one would have expected us to have a more rocky relationship when we got married. But it was peaceful. Almost too peaceful. I almost wished – almost, then I shook some sense into myself – that the characters from those insane years would reappear, and something crazy would happen again. It was insane, I know, but… it had been interesting.

Guess I’ve just got a weakness for ancient Chinese curses.

I almost surprised myself by thinking of the curse again. I still had it, of course, but I’d learned to live with it. Ranma-chan was just as much Ranma as Ranma–kun; I couldn’t imagine not having it now. But for the most part I ignored it. I took care to buy the right sorts of clothes that wouldn’t embarrass me when I changed, but that had become normal now and besides, Akane did most of the clothes shopping. I would still get a skirt or a dress as a present every now and then from someone with a sense of humor, but rather than getting upset I just hung them up in the closet. Sometimes Akane would wear them, but I never had.

I sat up in bed. Well, if I was bored and insomniac that was one idea…

***

I splashed cold water from the bathroom sink on my face and felt myself change. I had rarely paid attention to the actual transformation – it was strange and a little unnerving no matter how much I got used to it, feeling my bones and skin suddenly act as if they were made out of play-dough and my body suddenly reform into a new shape as if I was a sculpture that the artist hadn’t decided on yet.

My clothes shifted on my body, boxer shorts slipping to rest on my suddenly wider hips and tank-top ballooning in the front.

Then I was female. It suddenly felt strange, now that I was thinking about it. I stared in the mirror for a moment, and then realized what was wrong. My hair. It was still the same flaming red, but I’d changed the style. It wasn’t as long as it had been when I was sixteen, and I wore it loose. I tied it back into a braid and wrapped an elastic band around the tip. There. The pigtail was shorter, but slowly I was feeling more like Saotome Ranma and less like Saotome-Tendo Ranma. I don’t know why that was favorable.

I turned from the mirror and picked up the clothes I’d retrieved from the closet. A long pink skirt, modest and quite dark, almost fuchsia really. Akane had never worn it. She didn’t like the color, I think. I slipped out of the boxers – they would show through the skirt – and into female underwear. Yes, it was mine. Yes, it had been a gift. A joke gift, I hope. Akane had never worn it because she said it didn’t fit her.

Besides, it was pink too. I put in on.

I also had one bra. I may have been insistent against them as a teenager, but it really wasn’t comfortable to go without, if I was going to stay female for any length of time. That hadn’t been a gift – that was one thing that no one had dared. I’d bought it myself, in a fit of… something, I wasn’t sure what. I don’t know if Akane even knew I had it – I hadn’t mentioned it to her. I’d only worn it once before, in the dressing room when I’d bought it. I hadn’t known you could do that. That had been one of the weirdest experiences of my life, up there with getting the curse in the first place…

It took about ten minutes to put on. Such a pain; I wonder how real girls can deal with that, everyday. I suppose it came easier with practice. I’d never seen Akane have any trouble. At least it wasn’t one of the type with wire on the bottom. Those bothered me.

Finally, the blouse. This wasn’t pink but a rather nice shade of blue. Akane had worn it several times, and I can’t blame her, it really was pretty. I slipped it on. It was quite comfortable, and more casual than I had thought. It was almost a T-shirt, only with a collar.

I looked at myself in the mirror. It was like looking into a picture album.

I hadn’t done this for years, dressing in drag. Was it even drag? I was female – physically – after all. It wasn’t uncomfortable. It wasn’t something I would want to do on a regular basis, however, or else people would get the wrong idea.

I looked away from the mirror, and left.

***

I have a pretty good idea what I looked like, walking down the street at almost two in the morning. A total weirdo. But I didn’t care, and every house I passed was dark, so it didn’t matter even if I had. My neighborhood was a good one, at least, so I didn’t have to worry about meeting someone who was up to no good.

Not that I couldn’t’ve defended myself if I had.

I walked aimlessly, confident in my knowledge of the area. I’d been walking around it for two years now, after all…

Then I turned a corner that was vague in my memory, and paused.

There were lit houses on this street.

I pressed onward, not really caring but a little more cautious now. It looked quiet enough, but I didn’t want to run into any drunken teenagers who might misunderstand my reasons for being out at this hour.

No one was outside, however. I pressed onward.

The first people I saw were three teenagers. Two boys, one girl. The shorter of the boys, with curly black hair, was leaning against a car; the girl was leaning against the taller boy and the taller boy looked as if he was in a mild state of shock. They were chatting easily.

As I walked past them the girl glanced up to give me a strange look. I’m not sure if her leaning post noticed me, but the other boy craned his neck around to see what the girl was looking at. He smirked, and then whistled loudly.

“Hey, ‘nee-chan! You lost?”

The girl kicked his ankle. He shot her an offended glance and she shrugged apologetically at me.

I kept walking.

And ten minutes later, I was standing in front of that very same house again.

The scene had changed. The two boys were now talking, more loudly; it seemed to be a friendly argument. The girl was stretched out on the hood of the car, eyes closed, but I doubted she was asleep. Probably just bored. From the snatches I heard of the conversation I didn’t blame her.

The taller boy saw me first this time, since was the one facing the street. He saw me stopped hesitantly in front of the house, and called out. “Hello? Are you lost?”

He curly-haired boy turned at this, and grinned. “Hi again, ‘nee-chan! Still not lost?” He laughed. It was just as annoying a sound as the last time.

I walked up the driveway so I could reply without shouting. “Well, maybe…”

He pulled out a set of keys, seemingly from nowhere, and twirled them around his finger. I suppose he expected me to be impressed. “I’d be happy to give you a ride…”

The girl kicked him. I was mildly impressed by that; she was still lying on the hood of the car. It was quite a stretch to reach him from there. She hopped to her feet. “Sorry about that, miss,” she apologized on his behalf, bowing slightly.

“Eh, it’s okay,” I responded, waving one hand negligently to expound the point.

“Are you looking for someone?” she asked suddenly.

“Huh?” I suppose I must have looked surprised, because she explained.

“Well, there was a guy wandering around her a few hours ago, I don’t know where he went tho’…”

“Ryouga?” I exclaimed before I could think better of it.

“Oh, so you do know him! I was worried. He didn’t look… happy. I don’t know where he is now, but… oh! Is that him?” she pointed, and when I looked in that direction I noticed a shape I hadn’t seen before. The rounded shape of a tent, almost invisible in the shadows of the empty lot across the street.

I stared for a moment, in shock I suppose. “Thanks!”

“So you were looking for him? He must’ve been…”

I didn’t hear the rest of what she had to say, I was already across the street by that point and I wasn’t listening anymore. I don’t know why I was so eager to see him again… actually, I don’t think I was particularly ‘eager’ to see him at all. It was just something that had to be done.

When fate is that blunt you just don’t bother to argue anymore.

***

I wanted to knock, but the tent flap was predictably resistant to my attempts. Finally I just pushed it open, ever so slightly. A sliver of moonlight illuminated the dark inside, or part of a sliver at least; most of it was blocked by my shadow. But a piece of it did fall over his face. Fate was being dramatic.

He squeezed his eyes closed even tighter and turned over, away from the light, muttering something in his sleep. I held my breath for a moment, worrying that I had woken him, but that didn’t seem to be the case. His eyes stayed closed, at least, but he didn’t stop muttering.

It was a very, very bad idea, but I pushed the tent flap open a bit more, just enough to let me in, and crawled until I could hear what he was saying. Which, given the volume of his voice, meant that my ear was pretty much directly over his mouth.

“Ranma…” he whispered.

That made me sit up so fast that I hit my head on the ceiling of the tent. And I was glad I had moved away, too…

“I’m not letting you get away!” he shouted, angrily, flailing. “Get back here, you coward!” his arms were swinging wildly now. He rolled on his back and twisted his legs as if he were trying to run lying down. Ah… dream fighting, how just like him…

I started to back out, worried that he might wake and see me, but my legs got confused by the skirt and I could only move very slowly, unless I wanted to fall down on top of Ryouga of course and that would be so much worse that I didn’t even want to consider it.

Suddenly he sat up, arms outstretched as if he were jumping for something, or dreaming that he was jumping for something. “Gotcha!”

And indeed, he had. His head hit my chest and bounced slightly, instantly making my face go completely red.

His arms stayed outstretched, fingers twitching slightly. He was silent for a moment, but I couldn’t see his face. Then his arms wrapped around my waist. My face was burning now.

“Ranma…” he muttered once more, but I couldn’t detect what emotion my name was said with that time. He slumped into a quieter sleep, arms still wrapped tightly around me, head resting on my chest. Don’t think about it don’t think about it, he’s asleep… I wish I knew what that thought meant.

I was too shocked, to scared, to do anything. What the hell was going on? I had no idea. I wondered if I was the one dreaming…

Then he opened his eyes.

***

Vision was cloudy, fuzzed, and Ryouga’s mind didn’t quite register the difference between dream and reality as he looked up at the dark face that looked down at him. A corona of sleep-fuzzed moonlight gave the figure a halo, and the glow behind was translated into wings. “Angel…” Ryouga murmured. Hey, this one is new at least… Then he saw the pigtail poking up from behind the angel’s shoulders and grinned - or tried to, it was actually more of a languid raising of the corners of his lips.  

“Ranma-angel…” He leaned back forward again, snuggling up to the dream. “Beautiful…” he murmured, and his eyes slid closed.

***

I felt as if I was going to pass out. Faint. Wake up. Something. My cheeks couldn’t get any redder without exploding, so that was out of the question. I didn’t dare move for fear of waking him. I didn’t dare *not* move for fear of still being there when he woke up. Not to mention my legs were falling asleep.

I had an idea. It was both a terrible idea and a wonderful idea at the same time, but at least it was something.

Maneuvering my arms, which were still at my sides but free to move, I managed to move into a slightly better position, essentially cradling him in my arms. His head was still resting on my chest, he hadn’t moved much, but now I could… if I was careful…

I stood, picking him up with me. This lifted the tent but at least allowed me to walk out of it. It fell back to the ground, toppled over. Great idea, Ranma. Now what do you do…

I saw the trio of kids standing on the edge of the lot. The girl was grinning, and winked at me when I noticed them. The taller boy looked confused and the shorter one disgruntled, but he smiled at me anyway. “Need some help, ‘nee-san?” he asked, softly.

“Actually, if you wouldn’t mind…”

***

I led the three teenagers – after they led me to a place I recognized - back to my house in somewhat of a daze. Okay, a lot of a daze. I was worried half to death that I would wake Ryouga up and he would kill me rather than hug me this time, but apparently he was a very sound sleeper because he barely stirred. Sometimes he would mutter, a little, but it wasn’t anything intelligible except for the few times I could pick out my name. Luckily we found a shorter path than the meandering walk that I had taken, and the trip only took about ten minutes.

The trio trailed behind me, carrying Ryouga’s things. Or rather, two of them walked behind me while the third, the curly-haired boy, drove very slowly behind me. It had taken all three of them to carry Ryouga’s umbrella and pack into the car, there was no way they could carry them all the way. The girl and the taller boy – I still needed to get their names – carried the tent, still open. They hadn’t been silly enough to try and close it, at least.

Finally we reached my house. They put the tent down in the yard – we had a large one – and, holding my breath, I leaned to place Ryouga inside.

He didn’t wake up. I felt ready to keel over.

I put the rest of Ryouga’s stuff around his tent, trying to make it look as similar to his normal setup as I could, working from extremely fuzzy memory.

The three kids were waiting by the car. I yawned while thanking them, that felt rude, but I was too tired to apologize.

“No problem,” the girl replied. “What’d he do, so you’re leaving him out here in a tent?”

I reddened as I realized that she probably thought Ryouga was my husband. “Ah… it’s…” I stammered.

She laughed. “None of our business. Of course.” She bowed back, and turned to get in the car. Out of the window, as the driver started the engine, she called, “I’m Sakaki Raika, by the way. They’re Nosaka Denbe – she gestured towards the taller boy – and Furusawa Junichi.”

The car started to move. Apparently Junichi hadn’t realized that introductions were taking place. “I’m Saotome Ranma!” I called back, but not too loudly. Then the car turned the corner. I don’t know if she heard me or not.

***

I went inside, changed back – putting away the clothes carefully – and fell asleep almost immediately. I was exhausted, or else I wouldn’t have been able to sleep.

***

That was all yesterday. Now it’s morning, I’m awake, and I can see the tent still outside my window.

I don’t want to face this. Last night, so late, so surreal, was one thing; this is entirely different.

I can see him, outside the window, getting out of his tent. He looks confused. I hope that he’s so used to getting lost that he’ll accept having ended back up back here. I remember him being surprised to find out that he had spent the night in the yard of the Tendo Dojo, why would this be different?

Actually, something might be wrong. He looks a little uneasy…

***

~Owari

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