| Things You Would Never Hear A Harry Potter Character Say: Hermione: "You know... I think this problem really isn't so serious, maybe we should just skip the library and go straight for a fight." Colin Creevy: "Well... Yes Harry, I know that you defeated the Dark Lord and all... but that was SO 15 years ago..." Harry: "Look at me! Look at me!" Harry: "Ron.. The ball is in 10 minutes! Don't you have to get ready?" Ron: "I told her I'd go starkers..." Dean: "QUIDDITCH RULES! Now, what is West Ham again?" Ginny (to Harry): "Shut up and kiss me!" Fleur: "Oh no! I 'ave a zeet!" Malfoy: "You know, Potter is alright in my book." Voldemort: "Well...I give up. Harry's just too strong for me." Vernon Dursley (singing): "Do you believe in maaaagic? Well I hope you do..." Harry: "There's no place like home...there's no place like home..." Sirius: "You know...I think we should forgive Peter." House Elves: "Ooompa-loompa doopity doo..." Dumbledore: "Harry, I've been thinking. Perhaps we've just been evading the inevitable! Obviously, Voldemort IS going to eventually kill you. Let's just give up now!" Hermione: "Ron, are you going to take your pants off or just stand there?" My 2 Favorite: Voldy: "Black, black, black! Why does everyone always dress in black! Can't we get a little color around here?" Sirius: "Harry, the only reason you look like James Potter is because of a tricky bit of magic me and your mother did after our little...accident." A Little Longer One: Harry felt his face burn as he looked up from what they thought was a pensieve they had found in Snape's office. Ron and Hermione looked at him expectantly. How could he tell them? It wasn't a pensieve at all, but rather its naughtier cousin, the pornsieve. A Chapter Of Harry Potter That Would Never Be Printed: Harry stood is shock � frozen, unable to move in the doorway to Hagrid� hut. Hagrid looked embarrassed but finished chewing the rather large mouthful he had. �Sorry, you sa� that �Arry. Fergot to lock me door.� Harry stammered �W-w-w-who..� �Nobody ya know �Arry. Believe me.� �W-w-why..� Inside Harry started to get angry with himself. �What next?� he thought irritably having a flashback to journalism-as-a-career day in muggle school. Where, when, and how? �Its me giant blood. Got to eat at least one a year� Harry stared at the very human hand that was sitting, rather floating, on top of Hagrid�s extremely large bowl of stew. Seeing Harry at an apparent loss for words, Hagrid continued. �Didn�t you ever wonder why all the first years get to �Ogwarts by them flimsy boats?� �The great view?� offered Harry stalling for time while trying with all his will to force his right hand to the wand inside his robes. �Partly� admitted Hagrid with a large grin. �Keeps em occupied while the squid grabs one outta the last boat. Same reason for �im to. We go shares as it were. He likes the way the �eads and ribs crunch. I likes the arms and legs. Better eatin if you ask me.� Seeing Harry pale further. Hagrid quickly added. �Dumbledoor knows �Arry. Great man Dumbledoor. Says I can�t �elp it being what I am. Says as long as its only one a year, then its all right with �im.� �Don�t the parents�� �Muggles. Tell �em it was an �orrible accident.� sighed Hagrid looking rather sad and shaking his head �It ain�t fair. But whats to be done? They�re less likely to fuss being so ignorant and scared and all about our world.� �W-who?� �Sorry, right rude of me not answering yer question. Kid named Kevin Polkiss. Tasted a bit like rat if you asked me.� At those words, Harry relaxed and even managed a smile. That was one less Slytherin he was sure. Editors Note: In case some of you didn't notice Polkiss is the last name of one of Dudley's bully friends it is supposed to be his little brother, The Dursleys will only be told that little Kevin had an 'orrible accident on the way to St. Brutus's. Now.. Back to The Things You Would Never Hear A Harry Potter Character Say: Harry: "You know, after all this time, I just don't believe in magic, sorry." Ron: "I think I'd like to be a Muggle. I've gone and tossed my wand into the lake and I'm leaving Hogwarts. Do you think Lockhart would do a memory charm on me?" Petunia Dursley: "Please join me for dinner, Mrs.Weasley. Bring all your lovely children with you." Hermione Granger: "Err.. Umm.. Hmm.. I don't know.." Gilderoy Lockhart: "Maybe looks aren't everything." Lord Voldemort: "I should sit back,relax and read a book for once.This whole 'Pinky and The Brain' thing is getting very tireing. Sibyll Trelawney: "Yo, Potter, looking good today!" Percy Weasley: "Hey,George! Race you to that tree! Last one's owl poop!" Harry: "Maybe I should listen to Madame Pomfrey and quit Quidditch.. it's just too dangerous for me.." Snape: "Let's make that 5 points to Gryffindor, good job Potter!" Creevey Brothers: "Man Draco I love the way you faked Potter out back there! You are SO cool!" Hermione: "Library? Oh yah that place.. Why would we go there? The O.W.L.s aren't for two weeks!!" Dumbledore: "Harry, let's face it, 'Ol Voldie's gonna kill you eventually so let's just give you to him now before we get too attatched." Neville: "Cool! I got perfect marks on the Potions quiz!!" Snape: "Five points to Gryffindor! Good job Hermoine!" Hedwig: "Ehhhh.. Polly wants a cracker..." Draco: "Please sir.. I want some more..." |