The Story of Me
The Story of Me
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What will you do when you know that you're taken for granted by the person whom you loved~? Is it smothering you, when the person you love leads you on~? Sad~? It's way more than that... I was lead on by Karen, and she just keeps on doing it. One moment then I felt as if I'm the luckiest guy on earth, but another moment I'll feel as if I've been fooled. Here are some unforgettable moments I had with her...
The 1st shocking experience was when Karen & I went clubbing with two more of our friends at Music Underground. She must have had a big quarrel with Leax that night, as usual... Just before we entered the club, she had be talking on the phone at one corner. I had suspected something's wrong then. We drank quite a lot that night. Maybe that's why Karen started to get sober. She was hugging the other gal, and she is crying. However, my greatest shock came in less than an hour later after she hugged that gal.
Yes, she hugged me~! And she started crying too... She asked me a very simple question. She asked me if she is very foolish, to had done so much for a guy that she loved, but yet the guy is not worth all that effort. I wish I could answered that question for her, but I did exactly the same for her isn't it~? In my heart, I was shouting & screaming, "YES, she is foolish, and she should had given up on him..." But I just kept quiet, while I hugged her in my arms. Once again I felt so useless, as I'm unable to do anything again while she cried... She hugged me & cried a few times that night.
But that's not the point~! That's not my shock... What knocked me off my feet was the 2nd hug that she gave me, if I'm not mistaken... She was hugging me, crying and asking me a lot of questions. I just kept quiet as usual. Then out of nowhere, I felt something soft on my lips... Before I even knew what was that, we were kissing already. Actually, we aren't actually kissing. Simply because I was too shocked and I just froze there. I didn't even had the time to really feel that kiss, and she turned away.
Anyway, I got to feel her lips again not long later... This time round, I was the one who initiate the kiss. She was hugging me again. But as she was about to moved off, I hold her and look into her eyes. And then it just happened naturally. You felt as if you're flying in paradise, when you're kissing with the person you loved...
Karen had also told me, if only Leax were to treat her 10% of what I had treated her, she would have been satisfied.
Beautiful moments won't last forever, especially in my case. Karen is still Leax's girlfriend after all. Just when I'm still trying to figured out what is she trying to do, the party ended. Then she just tell me that she's going to meet Leax at his house. I'm like, "WHAT~?" I was really surprised... I just waited together with her, till Leax pick her up in a cab. I was at a total lost when she left... Foolish guy huh~?
The 2nd incident happened at my house one night. Don't even think of anything SEXUAL alright~! Nothing of that sort happened~! I couldn't remember why she came. If I'm not wrong again, she wanted to have some more drink, but it's already quite late and all the pubs are closing soon. We decided to return to my house, as my house have many different kinds of alcohol, like Vodka, Rum, Whisky & Gin ... etc... Furthermore, it'll be safe for her also as I'm still sharing the same bedroom with my elder sister then.
We did not drink anything alcoholic anyway. We were just talking in the living room, and also watching movies... She must be very tired, as she doze off on my living room's sofa. Thus, I wake her up and tell her to sleep on my bed instead, while I'll sleep at the living room. But she doesn't want that. Maybe she felt weird sharing the bedroom with my sister alone, so she insisted that we shared my bed, or else she shall continue to sleep at the sofa. I agreed eventually then...
I disturbed her sleep in a way. I was too excited to sleep. So I end up looking at her as she sleeps. I'll help her adjusted the blanket when she turn, and I'll also clear her hair off her face when they drop. Then that made her unable to sleep. Whenever she open her eyes, she'll see me looking at her. We always smile to each other whenever that happens...
Eventually, she found a way to sleep in peace. She hugged me to sleep. In that way I can't really look at her. Before sleeping, she kissed me goodnight. I was very happy when she did that.
The very next day afternoon, I asked her to be my steady girlfriend. That's wasn't the 1st time, and it's definitely not the last too. But whatever it is, the answer is always the same. A "No", followed by the following common reasons...
She will say, "You're the kind of guy whom I think you're my ideal husband, and I don't need that now," or, "I'm the kind of person that follow my feelings, and I don't have that kind of feelings for you now," and even, "I haven't get over Leax yet, wait till that happen 1st ok~?"
There's a lot more incidents similar to those mentioned above. There's even incidents that she would rather meet me and spent the whole day with me than meeting or talking to Leax. But somehow in the end, she'll just go back into Leax's arm. I had seen Karen turn her back on me, and walk back towards Leax for far too many occasions. There're even occasions that she left just like that, because of him...
Karen and I used to agreed with this, "If only we were to have met each other earlier, we might have been together. But if not for Leax, we won't have been that close also. It's all fated to happen."
Am I being just pure foolish~? Did she not lead me on~? Had she really made things clears for me~? If she had really made thing clear to me, then why did she do all those things to me~? Why let me have the feeling that I stay a chance, but yet she don't give me one~?
Love started to collide with Hate. Hate won the war eventually... I give up on her after a very long struggle, but not completely though... Not only that, I had once again hated Love again. Why does my love life always have to be like this, or I'll just end up losing it also, even though I fought for it with everything I got? Am I meant to fail in whatever relationships I have~? Am I not mean for any relationships~?
I'm getting tired of this... But I'm getting ANGRY even more~! Fine~! Since that's what Fate wants me to be, then to the hell with fate... If pain is how Fate wanted me to feel, then the more I wanna challenge back Fate. I shall not be once again hurt just because of Love. I shall go thru a evolution, a new me shall be born...
You might had read a total of 33 titles that I had placed in this homepage, although all these incidents are real, but did you think that you had really know and understand me~? You might... But you'll not think so, if you were to see the new me that I've decided to change into...
Will my story continue~?
Maybe.
But then again, maybe not...