The Story of Me
The Story of Me
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Have you ever been hurt badly by lies from your loved ones~?
Do you find it hard to trust them again~?
Now ask yourself, don't you ever have anything to hide from your loved ones~? 
Have you ever think that it's better to hide certain things from them~?
Well, you may be right.
But I can tell you that there will be times, that you are wrong...
Since both Bella & I knew that trust seems to be the BIG issue that we really have to work hard on, yet we still keep things within us. Especially both our Darkest Secrets~! Maybe simply because we're too scared that the other party will leave after the truth was known. But is seems that we're so wrong. If we were to tell the truth, things won't be what it is now... Maybe... Maybe not...
Whatever it is, we don't have the chance to prove it anymore, do we~! One always thinks that whatever he/she does is always right before doing it, however it seems that it isn't so, do you agreed~? Sometimes we only have one chance in doing something right, once we miss it, there won't be a second chance. There are times that I ask myself, why didn't I just tell the truth~? There's a movie by Jim Carrey, in Liar Liar. He did say something like this, "As adults, we need to lie as to avoid hurting people...".
Bella do have something that she had been hiding from for the past few years. I had knew about it a long time ago, actually it's not really knew about it, just that I can roughly guessed it already. I've been hoping that she'll just tell me the truth. Although I tried asking her several times before, I never got the truth. Somewhere near before her breakup with John, she finally told me about it. It's funny that when you could actually guess about something, yet you still hope that it's not the truth. Well, maybe I'm right all along, but I just can't help feeling sad about what she had told me. She had told me about it thru the phone, tears just kept rolling down my cheeks.
However, I didn't blame her for hiding it from me for such a long time. Maybe she's right, forever hiding it from me seems to be the best choice. I don't disagreed with it now, as I shouldn't had told her the truth also. There are so many incidents that truth hurts our relationship, do White Lies really helps in a relationship~? What is White Lies then~? Do White Lies really don't hurt at all~? I'll go into that later...
Well, since she had told me about her Darkest Secret, I think I should tell her mine also. Although to her it'll be my Darkest Secret, but to my friends it's nothing to be secret of... However, I still find it hard to tell her. Thus a perfect timing and a perfect place must be set up, but I didn't do as I planned...
I had told her before, if we were to ever patch back together again, she'll not be my steady girlfriend anymore. Instead, she'll be my wife. Thus it's important that we don't hide anything from each other anymore, in that way we'll have more faith & confidence towards each other. Not only that, we'll also see if we can accept who are we and what happen to us before...
My final confession did not took place at a fine dining restaurant nor a romantic park or beach. It happened at a coffeeshop. I had finally made up my mind to accept everything about her, and would want to make her mine. I was planning on how to tell her everything, but that night she push me for the truth, when we were having supper after I pick her up from work.
I regretted telling her the moment I saw her tears. It hurts me to see her cry again. She had tried to struggle with the tears, but she just couldn't hold it back. She seems very hurt inside. She was crying secretly, but too bad that she was in the coffeeshop. For quite some time, we just sat there, not knowing what to say. Nor do we know what to do next... I thought that she might knew about it long ago, but is she running away from the truth like me~? She must be blaming herself too... That night when I eventually see her home, she was battling with herself. She was confused whether to accept truth and carry on life with me, or to throw away whatever we had built up in the past four years. Well, her choice is keeping me, for that night only...
Ever since I told Bella the truth, she had changed even more greatly~! Her change actually started when she starts working. Then followed by the influence she had by her fellow colleagues. I used to think that her friends from Secondary School and ITE are bad influence for her, but it seems that the worst had yet happen then. I'm not saying that all her colleagues are bad, nor am I saying that those bad influence ones are bad all the time. It's just that Bella had a more straight and simple concept towards things, and when she applied whatever her colleagues do, the results won't be even near...
Bella would always denied about her change, and she'll always say that 'we' don't understand her. ('we' referring to me, her mother & sister) Can you imagine that none of us could recognise her anymore~? Yet she still insisted that she didn't change... Not only that, I had been receiving attitude from her. I really deserved them, but not completely though.
There was one incident where I lost one of my friend, Adrine. It happened like this... Bella had been quite close with one guy then. I don't even want to mentioned his name. Anyway, although I'm anxious about it, but do trust me that I'm cool with it. He was her colleague too, from another outlets though. There was once when I went to that outlet, as I was around that area, to look for my friends. I happened to ask if that guy is working in that outlet. Guess what, it triggered the bomb~!
Soon, I had Bella flaring at me. She thought
that I was gonna find trouble with that guy. 
Kao~!
Am I such kinda person~? I felt hurt, as someone who had been with me for years
actually thinks I'm such a violent person~! You know what Bella
got anything to say about that~? She says the same incident that happened in the
MRT, where Freddy punched her friend, might
happened again~! Then she started to blame me for that again~! What's the worst
part, that guy also called me. He told me that if I wanna find trouble with him
then go ahead, as he is not scare at all~! Can you imagine that~? How
childish~?
I had asked Bella who said that, and she
told me it's Adrine. I then call Adrine
and flared at her straight away, I had totally lost my cool. I must be too
anxious about Bella that I didn't had a
clear mind then. I soon regretted my actions as I soon find out that I had got
the wrong person...
Adrine screamed at me that she didn't do that, why would she anyway~? It was then I realised that all these was being set up, it seems to me that there's a conspiracy here. Because of one moment, I lost a close friend in a few seconds... I then call Bella again to clarify who is the one actually told her about it. It was then she told me that it's that guy who said that Adrine said that. The final piece of the puzzle was finally found, and I got the picture at last. But it was too late, and Bella won't trust me at all...
It was clear that the conspiracy was to pull Bella & I apart. I don't know who are the ones really involved, but I do suspect a few. However, I won't wanna find out the truth anymore. Simply because I don't see the point at all~! Bella and I drift even further apart, and there seems to be no more turning back.
What's worst~? I got to find out that she started to lie to me again. Upon finding out, she claims that they're only White Lies. If they really are White Lies, then why am I feeling hurt~? To me, White Lies should be lies that were said to make someone feels better, but it should not be hurtful when being discovered. Thus in this case, her White Lies ain't White Lies at all~! Since trust is no longer important to her now in our relationship, does it mean that she is giving up now...?
I secretly made up my mind then, I'll leave... From then on, I'll carry all the memories on my back, and move on with life alone...
Although Bella's relationship wasn't meant to last, and it was fated to start and end the way it should be. I had no regrets for it. It had taught me a lot of valuable lessons of life, and it definitely gave me a lot of treasured moments. All the pain, hardships and definitely the smiles that I had before when I'm with her, I'll remember... Even as I'm typing all these now, all the memories do flashed back. I can't control my tears from rolling again. I'm sad about my story with Bella, but I'm happy too~!
Right here, I'll like to say a very BIG THANK YOU to Bella, for all the memories that you had given me, and also the courage and concern that you gave me whenever I was down. The most important thing, the kinda LOVE that you had given me, I really appreciated it. I'll never forget about everything that we had been thru before. Do Take Care of yourself~!
Oh, as for you guys reading my story, don't worry about us. As Bella is now my sister. Well it goes like this, her mum had always treated me like a son. Thus when I can't get to be her Son-In-Law, she take me as her God-Son. Naturally, I became Bella's & Berlin's God-Brother... It was weird at first, but this weird feeling faded off after some time...