The Story of Me   

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Scarred Angel

            There are many things that happened between Bella and I that caused us to lost trust, hope and faith... These incidents are unforgettable & sometimes unforgivable~! We changed as a result. We can hardly behave and think like what we used to be. In this chapter, I tried to go thru all these things that had happened, that gave irremovable scars to our relationship...

            I remember the first scar that we had was Bella meeting with her ex-boyfriend, Wei Jung. It was late one night, I told her that I'm going to sleep liao. She then told me that she was sleepy too and was going to sleep soon... But who knows, she lied...

            According to her, she said that her sister and her were hungry. Coincidently, Wei Jung called her to go for supper, at somewhere near her house. Thus they went for supper, without even telling me or asking me. But the funny thing is that Berlin, Bella's sister, went back home alone after the supper. Leaving only Bella, Wei Jung and one guy that Wei Jung brought along... They chat at the void deck of Bella's block...

            However, Wei Jung asked his friend to go buy cigarettes or beer a while later... Then that guy disappeared, leaving only Bella and Wei Jung to chat at the void deck, late in the night. This is where things start to get messy. Wei Jung wanted a patch up. He started to hug and kiss her... Bella said that he forced himself on her, she had tried to struggle. But she was unable to push him away, as he was much bigger in size... Furthermore, Bella said that she can smell alcohol on him...

            Anyway, everything came to a stop when Bella finally gave him a slap~! But he continued to ask for patch up, he even punch the stone table with his bare hands... I can't remember how everything ended. I asked Bella why didn't she call me up to tell me that she was going down first, since it was quite late at night and it's her ex-boyfriend that she's gonna meet. Then why is it that she continued to stay there when her sister had went back. Lastly, if she's hungry then why didn't she cook instant noodles, like what she always do. Her sister and her can also go down alone mahz, why must meet up with him~? Thus I could only concluded that she wanted to meet him also... Bella told me before that among all her ex-boyfriend, excluding me, Wei Jung was the one she likes most~!

            One more unforgettable incident is Bella lied that she was going out with Pei Zhen. In order to make it more convincing to me, Bella purposely asked Pei Zhen, who was my god sister then, to meet her in my presence. I was going out with Bella that day, but I went back home when they met up.

            Bella promised that she'll be home by 2300hrs. I'm fined with it and I even told her that I'll be waiting for her call. She agreed~! Then time flew past, and it was 0045 liao. Yet still no call from her. I'm starting to get worried. I call a couple of times for her, but all I get is endless ringing... She never pick up~! All I can do is continued to wait...

            Time is 0345hrs and my house phone rang, which woke me up. I must have dozed off in the living room while waiting for Bella to call... At first I thought that it was Bella, but it wasn't. I hear a crying voice of a worried woman, it's Bella's mother... She asked me where is her daughter. I said I don't know, and all I know is that she's with Pei Zhen. She then told me that she had called a couple of times for her but there's no answer. I told her that's what I get also. She then started to scold me, while crying~! She said what kind of boyfriend am I if I don't even know where my girlfriend is, and how can I allowed her to go out till so late~? I just listen to these words silently, feeling hurt though... I never argued or explained... Although the truth is that Bella told me that she'll be home by 2300hrs, and that she's with my most trusted god sister, who is one of the few friends of Bella I can trusted~! That's why I never really get a full detail of where they are going...

            After being hang up by Bella's mother, who told me to get to her once I can contact Bella. Calling Bella seems to be useless, thus I called Pei Zhen. But the problem is that I only have her house phone, I've got no choice so I called... It was her father who pick up the phone. It was 0415hrs, I really felt bad calling people at this hour. They must be cursing and swearing at me. To my surprise, Pei Zhen was at home~! She was shocked that Bella is not home yet... She then finally poured out the truth after I told her about what Bella's mother had told me and how worried we are.

            Actually, Bella and her only meet up for dinner that lasted nearly an hour. It was Bella's idea to lie... She had plans after meeting with Pei Zhen, so she asked her for help as Bella knows that I trusted Pei Zhen a lot~! They actually make used of my trust in them... I condemned Pei Zhen that night. The thing I hate most is people lying to me, especially when I trusted them. I'm hurt, mainly by Bella. How could she do such a thing to me~?

            From what Pei Zhen said, she too also don't know where Bella is... All she know is that she's out with some friends, but these friends I don't know them one. I called Bella continuously after putting down the phone. After hundreds of attempt, she finally pick up~! She sounded sleepy. She then told me everything~!

            Yes indeed that she went out with a group of people whom I don't know. They had went out till midnight, some drinking of alcohol was involved. I can tell you, one small glass of beer is enough to make Bella knock out back then. Then she claimed that she don't have enough money to take cab home. And she said that her friends said that it's quite inconvenience to sent her home. The best part is that she went to one of the friends house, which is at Bukit Batok~! It's SO DAMN near to Bella's house~! There are altogether 2 guys, and 3 girls, including Bella. They had planned to so call play mahjong. But when they reached there, Bella fell asleep.

            God knows what happened then... Bella claimed that she don't know also~! But said that nothing will happen one lah~! That's a very irresponsible way to say things, isn't it~! She had promised to be home by 2300hrs, and she knew that I'll be waiting for her call. She should have at least call to tell me that she'll be home later, but she didn't. Then as for the no money to go home~! That's utter rubbish to me man~! Why~? Well they're going back to the friend's house, which was only a few blocks away from Bella's house... She can also borrowed from them mahz, but she didn't~! From the start till the end, it's clear that she planned everything~! At least the intention is there...

            Another incident is that Bella told me that she's going to sleep early. As we often stay overnight at each other's house, I intended to gave her a present surprise by going to her house that night, but my sudden visit only leads to another scar~! It was around 2200hrs, I started to dress myself up so that I look good when she saw me... Around 2300hrs, I reached her house, only to find out that she's not at home...

            I tried calling her hand phone when I was about to reach her door step, but she did not answer. I guessed that she was still sleeping then, must be sound asleep liao~! I had her house's keys, so I opened the door myself. Only to find that she's not at home... That explained why she never pick up the phone when I called her to open the door for me... I started to hate myself for finding out the truth. I hate those keys that I have to her house... Thus I leave the keys in her bedroom, then I left her house...

            However, I waited at the void deck for her... Still trying my luck calling her, but no luck~! I then called Berlin. She told me that she was coming back soon, thus I told her to meet me at the void deck. She didn't know I was there liao, I guess...

            When she finally got to the void deck, it was quite late liao... Can't really remember the time~! We chatted there for some time. Then we went up together to her house~! To our surprise, Bella is sleeping at her mother's bedroom... How did she get back home without letting me see her~? Well I was sitting at the void deck near to the lift, so it's impossible that I'll missed her if she came back. Later then I found out that she had ran up the stairs instead of taking the lift when she saw me waiting alone at the void deck. However, she dare not come out of her mother's bedroom to face me, thus I left...

            Breaking up again happened to us... Breaking up & patching up never seems to leave our relationship, even since the 1st break up~! We had too many of them till we don't even know why or how it happened. However, this incident was quite a big scar~! Bella's mother even claimed that it was my fault... She said that I had control her daughter too much~! I'll explained why I control Bella the way it is in the following chapter as it was too long... Anyway in short, it was her mother's idea~! I was frustrated~! She even told me that when Bella was in her room, she can feel Bella shaking when she hugged her~! She said that Bella was scared~! What is she scared of, why must she be scared if she had done nothing wrong~? I never got to know the answer...

            Well, indeed Bella was scared~! After some time, she confessed to me that she was scared~! Ever since this incident, Bella lost her guts. No kidding~! I also don't why... She became quite timid~! But as months goes by, she seems to recover from it and her temper and guts came back. She must have forgotten about this incident, I guess...

            Another scar that I had was given by Bella and a close friend of mine, Raymond. During one of our break up, they were keeping close in contact. Out of good faith, Raymond claimed that he was helping me look after Bella, instead of letting her go meet other people~! Then Raymond told me something shocking~!

            He told me that there was one incident where Bella asked him out, so he met up with her. He was driving that night. He told me that they were in the car talking when suddenly Bella just turned around and cried on his shoulder. I don't know if hugging was involved. However Raymond just stopped there, he won't say anything further~! He just kept telling me to forget about Bella, and tell me that she's not someone that I could trusted~! To me Raymond is one that is dangerous when your girlfriend is involved... Thus, I was really hurt~! Not only that, I must lived on with my live guessing what had happened that night~! But I'll never know...

            This also kind of hurt the friendship between me and Raymond. There's just this resistance in us and we just can't be as good as we are before. However, we're still friends now...

            So far all these that had happened are the main things that I could never forget. As for forgive, I'm still struggling... It's not a easy task~! I've tried many times but failed... It's just like looking into the mirror every morning, and there you see your face with these big obverse scars across...

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