Defining Moments© - Validictorian Graduation Speech by Nichole Klassen Temple

"While memories are sweet, and dreams give hope, it is only in the now that we truly live."

Last night I sat on the end of my mother's bed and we talked well into the early morning hours. This is a favorite talk-time for us; because Dad's at work, the house is quiet, and the world seems just far enough away to be seen a little more clearly, more truly, more nobly.

Talk ambled from subject to subject: 'The Gladiator' and how it is the actions of a man that makes him handsome, not just his physical features;graduation; travelling - Scotland, Ireland, Italy, Romania; graduation; friends - "Oh, Mom, did you hear about Alex and Leo's visit to Washington?"graduation; marriage; graduation; and, oh - yeah, that speech!

Never being one to avoid a good last minute panic, our talk began to wander down avenues of our philosophies on life. "Defining moments," mom said, "What does this mean to you, Nichole?"

You know? I really didn't know, and thought I would have to find an example of one to be truly able to define it.

Birth. Now there's a Defining Moment for you! Is it a boy or is it a girl? Definitions come in the form of pounds and inches and gender. I was my mother's second child. After giving birth and finding out I was a girl, she cried. "A GIRL?! I can't have a GIRL!" She wept. Perplexed, the doctor tried comforting her. Everything was going to be all right, and "Honey, we can't put her back now!" "No", she declared, it was NOT going to be all right!" She COULDN'T have a girl. Why? Because she couldn't SEW.

Believe it or not, Mom wasn't on any drugs. No, her thoughts were full of all the joys and responsibilities ahead. My coming home from school needing a costume for the school play. Visions of ballet recitals and little tu-tus to sew. Mom was terrified she would fail, after all, she was the only girl ever kicked out of sewing class in high school and put into - what was then - an all male class with drawing screws and washers at drafting tables.

She'd lost sight of the fact that, although she was a challenged seamstress, she could draw straight lines. Within six weeks she'd been moved up to architectural drawing, her teacher seeing her vision for space and room design. When the scouts from the Technical Colleges came, she didn't understand the fuss. It took her 20 years to realize, it was a Defining Moment missed.

So here I was: 6 pounds, 10 ounces and 20 inches of Girl-child; with my Defining Moments ahead of me. Defining Moments define and refine others as well. They span generations. I think this moment served my mother as such, and planted in her a seed to self-discovery, to find in herself a good mother, even if she couldn't sew.

Girl-child survives Modern American Infancy... moves from Guam, to Utah and starts preschool. Mama puts brother Alex and I into the best preschool in the area while she goes to college. I don't remember any of it.

Neither did I remember the divorce, but I would say the re-marriage was a bit of a Defining Moment too. My new dad took us to Alaska, which would be my new home for the next 15 years.

Then I was 6: the Christopher Robin years. Our family was out camping in Fairbanks and had gone swimming at one of the lakes. My little brother was 3, my older brother was 7. We were all enjoying ourselves - as kids do - splashing and playing; when there appeared another kid, bigger than all of us, who seemed to think the lake wasn't big enough for everyone. He began to push my little brother, eventually pushing him under the water. My brother struggled free and surfaced screaming. I lit out after that bully, blood boiling. Ya know, I had no concept that he was bigger than me, only of justice. I shoved and pushed, and pushed and shoved, and eventually knocked him off his feet. Then I grabbed my little brother and took him to the safety of our parents.

Up until then I'd always been a girly-girl: canopy bed, Care Bears, Cabbage Patch dolls and Barbies. Of course my older brother would pop the heads off of Barbie when we would play together; but I felt that was the trade-off for having him as a playmate.

Indeed, my taking on the bully was a Defining Moment. It's become one of my Dad's favorite stories. I remember it more through his stories than through my own memories; but that doesn't make it any less of a Defining Moment.

It is through Pericles' Funeral Oration of The Pelopennesian Wars which gave me some insight on just what it was that happened in me: what occurred in that Defining Moment, where I and my family discovered in me courage.

"The man who can most truly be accounted brave is he who best knows the meaning of what is sweet in life and of what is terrible, and then goes out undeterred to meet what is to come."

Even at that early age I had come to realize what was sweetest to me was the love of my brothers- my family - and what was terrible was for them to be hurt.

My brothers point to another time when, in 5th grade, I was the one being bullied. I never really understood how to respond to people who felt the need to be hurtful to others, other than to feel sad for them. But this time, after weeks of avoiding this bullying; and threats both veiled and obvious, it seemed I could no longer breathe in his presence. Eventually, enough was enough and I began to cry. When I cried I became mad at my weakness, and the strength surged through me and I had the bully up against the wall. At that very moment my brothers walked into the room. As my eyes met their shocked expressions they asked nonchalantly, "Are you ready to go?" I let the boy go, and we walked home in silence.

Again Pericle's has words that define this Defining Moment:

"Make up your minds; that happiness depends on being free, and freedom depends on being courageous."

It wasn't that it seemed to me to be courage at the time, but that moment defined in me, that happiness requires peace, and peace - courage, and that courage will find us when we've decided we've had enough.

There were other Defining Moments. Like when my parents decided my brothers and I would be home-schooled. Then when I was baptized and welcomed into the Orthodox Christian Church at 12 years of age. Another was when my grandfather died, and I spent 5 days with the California family. They spent that time questioning and probing me about the things which I held dearest: home, family, Church, and my most basic of life principles. I didn't follow their ideals for self-actualization. I felt separate, alone, and foolish. I came home so incredibly angry, it took me two weeks to even be able to speak about it.

It took that time in California to realize that their questions had only served to reaffirm the person I am and define more clearly what adds meaning to my life.

Some Defining Moments really aren't so much specific events; but unfold over time, like when my parents decided to allow God to plan our family instead of themselves. I became the big sister to 6 more brothers and sisters who give me the opportunity to grow in such great joy and love. Albeit, they ARE siblings and capable of providing immense and various tortures; however, they have not served to determine in me to remain child-'free' in life, but to hope in that path when I get to that moment in my life.

My high school career, as some of you know, was very long and drawn out. Some people talk about wanting high school to last forever, well, to me it seemed that it DID! With my mother struggling with a painful and debilitating illness for a number of years, other things took precedence. Through it we maintained our commitment as a family to homeschooling.

I learned later that Mom would cry at night. Cry about her failures as a mother and a teacher, and mostly for me. Indeed she felt she had let me down. My schooling progressed VERY slowly, and sometimes not at all. There were meals to make, laundry to do, and the children to tend. It was natural for me to do whatever I could. Mom called me"the daughter of my right arm." Being needed didn't upset me, my graduation from high school only brought distress when someone asked me about it, and I feared they saw me as having "failed" somehow at something.

But by this time I witnessed first hand, time after time, God's provision for our family. This defined within me contentment and faith that all comes from God and not of ourselves.

As the Proverbs says, "We can plan our steps; but it is God Who establishes our path."

Then, two years ago, my mother's dear friend, Rosalie Zink, convinced her to look into Family Partnership Charter School. It looked almost too good to be true. But she hoped. Thus another Defining Moment was about to be. Rosalie held fast to her vision and faith in Family Partnership, even through her battle with cancer. A battle which she lost in June of 2000.

We found Jim Cunningham for my sponsor teacher. His experience as an alternative school teacher, and his love of teaching and students provided the perfect mentor for me. He guided me through the courses, and expanded my horizons.

Cassandra Posey provided incredible moral and practical support for us. She ensured my transcripts were in order and that my longer than usual progression thru high school wasn't complicated by requirement changes.

Pat Shelton encouraged me to apply for the UA Scholar's award when I didn't see myself as a good student. Through this I have reached another Defining Moment, that I AM a capable student, and I have attained a unique education in an equally unique program.

Tim Scott, the great mediator that he is, kept this program going; but would be the first one to say it required the hard work and dedication of ALL the FPCS staff, volunteers, APC board, parents and students.

I'd had the opportunity to apprentice at a mission in Colorado with Fr. Mark and Khouria Cranor. The time with them and the people of their parish helped me to realize that life is a gift provided by God to be one of our greatest teachers. This was a Defining Moment that expanded over not just my time there, but for months afterward. I expect that experience will continue to define me for years to come.

So, Mom, Dad, family and friends, I have to say I've discovered that Defining Moments are when decision and action are one in the same. They can be missed. They can occur in a moment; a sum of who we are and what we hold dear. They can be the result of the impact of the choices of others. They can also be the result of having to sum up ourselves and discover how to be true to who we are.

Defining Moments define what and who we are, at that moment. A point in time that is the now. While memories are sweet, and dreams give hope, it is only in the now that we truly live.

I will end here with one last quote. It is from The Diary of a Russian Priest, of Fr. Alexander Elchaninov.

"Life is a precious and unique gift, and we squander it foolishly and carelessly, forgetful of its brevity. Either we look back with yearning on the past or else we live in the expectation of a future in which, it seems to us, life will really begin; whereas the present - that is, our life as it actually is - is wasted in these fruitless dreams and regrets."

Let us live now for our dreams for the future to bear fruit. Let us be thankful for our past, as it will spare us future regrets. Let that future be guided by the myriad of Defining Moments that has carried us to that destiny that only God could dream for us.

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