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\ You are kidding. I am not god and I don't want to be it. Though, that is right: 'I will more than likely have many projects on the go at once, but I can handle it.' But bad leader. Too schizo. Aw, sorry, I am so annoying, I can't stop talking about schizophrenia. Yay, sarcasm when it's the third time you post in less than 2 hours.
 \ I don't care, sue me, screw. 'Like, teen who can't unwind correctly. Like, teen who's too fat to fit in society and too rejected. Like, dude.' Like, fuck off if you don't like this. Every world is the worst one, deal with mine.
\ I can't freak out because I don't want attention. Aaaaah.
\ Fuck teenagers.
\ I just realised my Geoshit's survey wasn't 'takeable'. Screw it all again. Yesterday, Sadist reminded me that we were once addicted to the word 'screw'. Addictions are screwable. Except for music, obviously. Another addiction: the word 'obviously'. No, I can't do a normal post. I'm not normal. Not in the original way, the mentally ill way.
\ No need to say goobye in a blog post.
\ I'm depressed. Because I'm low-selfesteemed, a dork, a cunt, a teenybooper. My head almost burst yesterday when I thought... I thought that my schizophrenia could have come from teen crisis. I would have killed myself. And knock my head on the walls, but my cousin was there and I didn't wanna have attention. Well, for yesterday. I'm so screwed. I'm nowhere. Msn nickname: Jerkily nowhere. I'm that.
\ Damn, I wrote a fucking pop song yesterday. And worst of it, it was about love. Fuck. Traumatised me. Sometimes being schizo has disadvantages. Like when part of you wants to kill yourself and the other part is... proud. *almost shudders*
\ I'm screwed. I'm no fucking bilingual. Plenty of mistakes here. Buy, yay, I'm better than some people.
\ I just realised I never cried of rage or frustation. Well, not that I remember of. I'm a fucking (teenaged) girl who cries while watching sad (I mean, saaaaaaad) movies, because I'm hurt, because I'm heartbroken, because I'm afraid. Why can't I fucking cry of angriness for once?
\ You may have noticed that I complained many times about being a teen. Just to clear things up, I don't hate being a teen (Teen life: nothing to do but tolerate school. It's the time of your life, as quoted on Green Day), I hate the teen 'stereotypes'. Like: a teen has to be misunderstood or always angry or mad because of nothing. Please, God (not that I'm praying God, it's only a lame expression), don't make my schizophrenia temporary for my teen period. But anyway, if I have to be a typical teen, I'll accept it. I'm not THAT cunt.
\ Yes, I often call myself cunt. Well, it's better than bitch. And I am a cunt. And *applauses* it's because of you, beautiful society. Good God-day.
\ J'reviens du Parc Safari. Lol, I was feeling weird/ moody/ goth today. Made my attitude same. Let me relate everything. First, after almost an hour of road (even though it says it takes 30 minutes... fuckers.), we're arriving. Then, eating time. I'm eating my submarine. Then there's a bottle of iced capuccino there. I take it. Drink. Feel like drinkin' again. Again. Then, here we go, to the rides. Uh... Wait... I'm... I don't feel well. Ugh... But I only spit instead of puking. Pointless, but I'm still not feeling well. Then everybody goes... to the mini-putt. Moody Elia comes with everybody because everybody's excited and it numbs her... Everybody takes a puter (or whatever they call it) and Elia too. Looks around, soon to be my turn. Family looking somewhat motivated. Thinks to myself : Elia, really wannabe like 'em and your cousins who are already 'took'? NO. Goes away from that hell and sits under a tree shadow. Waits for the others to arrive. Though time pasts fast and my mum stops playing 'cause she's bored. She talks to me. Mom, can I ruin my own life alone? That's what I think while I get up and go away without telling her. Then Elia walks to nowhere around then come back. 'Where were you? At the toilet?' Let's say, yeah. I hate being a teen, not only it's NOT an age, it's nowhere and you have that 'misunderstood' crisis. Talk about a huge joke, those teens (like me). Pff, I'm not misunderstood, I'm only a cunt.
\ Oh, yeah, and we went for a ride to feed all the animals on the road too. Some stank, lol. My mom was afraid of their saliva, even more than me who's already a coward. The babies were cute. Aww. But then I thought about those humans who lock them into cages. And I thought that humans sucks. Poor animals. Humans are surely the most dangerous animals in the universe.
\ It sucks, maybe in one month I'm not gonna be able to have High Speed anymore. Too expensive for my parents. Aw. And not only it won't be High Speed, but I'll only have 10 hours of connection PER MONTH. Shit, I use at least 30-49 hours of Net a WEEK. The Net is not even fun when you have limits. I wonder if I'm gonna close my blog because of that. Maybe I'll just update the 'thoughts' section on Geocities then.
\ I dreamt I was singing Somewhere Out There at the same time as a guy who was telling his love for my 6th grade best friend. And another 6th grade friend was there too. Weird, I often dream about my 6th grade classmates these days.
\ I'm wonder where the heck I'm going. I'm listening to country. I'm 14, I'm listening to country music with way better lyrics than any rap song and I don't care. Call me whatever you want.
\ Fridayfive
1. How long have you had a weblog? Since October 2001. Well, I first posted on that day.
2. What was your first post about? Some uninteresting blah-blah. Something like 'Whoo-hoo, I started my blog! currently i'm blah-blah boringly doing stuff'... Look at the archive here.
3. How many changes (name, location, etc.) of your weblog have there been, if more than one? Name: I'm gonna have to check my archive... 5? Location: 4 or 5 (you can count the re-move on Geoshit or not). In order: Tripod, Geoshit, anti-chromatic.org, back on Geocities, here.
4. What CMS (content management system) do you use? Do you like it or do you want to try something else? Note Pad. It rules, so no, I won't try something else.
5. Do you read people who have both a journal and a weblog? Or do you prefer to read people who have all of their writing in one central place? Most people I know only write in one place, so yeah, option 2.
\ I had a huge headache yesterday. Aaaaah. I went to sleep at 9:30. For the first time since I-dunno-how-long I've been able to sleep until almost 9 in the morning (I'm not including when my parents woke me up by... talking soo loud. Stop talking, damn.).
\ I need music. *kills computer because of all those pop-ups* No, wait, I can't listen to music if I destroy it...
\ Whoo. This post was boring. I'm even bored to write it, so I imagine you guys sleeping. Good morning.
\ Argh, I worked for hours on my design yesterday. Drove me NUTS. And it's not even finished yet. Fucking html. My programs are completely useless, I can do everything they do or almost. Working on your computer is really not the best way to unwind. Try guitar. Yes, I'm obsessed.
\ By the way, just tell me if you read my blog. Or you won't simply be noticed if I move. But anyway, read it or not, man, I don't care. (Fuck, I said man. Help.) My designs aren't cute. Not the place you can search for anime/manga designs. Well, not anymore (well, these days).
\ Pleasing = degrading. Yeah, that's right, be yourself, fucking moron.
\ Shit, those pop-ups too are driving me nuts. I think it's because of that stupid WebAccelerator I downloaded long time ago. Argh. But trust me, doesn't accelerate that much, really not. And my computer doesn't stop downloading that stupid MovieNetwork program. I think it's a porn program, ugh. I did not download it myself. Fuck, I erase it everytime I go on the Net, but it reappears next time. Help.
\ I was so inspired yesterday, I couldn't even sleep. But here I am, at 7:45, because I can't sleep anymore, because looks like I can't sleep past 8... Im tired, damn. Lol, I dunno why, since yesterday I write with caps (at the right place). Woo, I think I didn't write a whole post with caps since long time. Maturising? No!
\ Testy-shit:
You love attention, although you don't get much of it, you still love it. When you walk into a room everyone notices you. Everyone has once wanted to be like you, even when you had some bad days!! But, it's ok, no matter what you are always setting trends!!
Don't think so.
\ New version here. Whoo-hoo. By the way, I didn't choose that title because I'm a wannabe rockstar, but because it just fitted with the pictures.
\ So, here I am, on Goth.Net. Feels nice. Even though my FTP program sometimes sucks.
\ What does life fuckin' stand for??? Ever felt like throwing yourself overboard when you're near a lake or some watery place? Just because? Happened to me. Juste few days ago. Not because I'm unhappy, no. I'm too lucky, especially compared to those children in underdeveloped countries who can't even eat when they're hungry. No, just because I felt like jumping in the water. Maybe hearing my head knocking on the rocks... Aaaah, suicide. Ultimate liberation. Now, you're afraid.
\ Took a test:
Mwahahaha. Dolls are evil.
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 / this version has been made with pictures from the movie Almost Famous, taken here and here; plus image program 20/20. inspiration came obviously from the movie and from Kurt Cobain (author of the quote 'It's better to burn out than fade away'). I put that quote on the background, because Kurt Cobain made me realize that a star's career is really incertain - and it just fitted with the design. Almost Famous is a cool movie...
 / Elia / 14 / girl / class of 2005 / schizophrenic / goth if I feel like it / {live for: music (rock obviously) / my electric guitar / my computer} / {kill: people who talk in my back}
 / The contents are on my personal page. Here.
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