wrote 7/10/02 - tried for all(most) words ending in "eep"limits
Nothing seems to ever be within the boundaries or limits.
You say you love me now, but you only say what she permits.
She has this hold over you, and I can't seem to break it.
One minute you are there holding me close, and I almost forget.
Then the next minute you are gone, nothing I can prevent.
You follow her everywhere when she makes such an event.
And that leaves me alone, to ponder what I have to chose.
I don't want to make you pick, but I can't stand that I always lose.
tolerance
You said it was over, my tolerance has been sorely tested.
No matter what I do, she wins, I have been thoroughly bested.
This ring on my finger means nothing, she still has her hold on you.
I don't know how much longer I can be patient, this much is true.
But her ring is older, she got it before me, and she wears it with pride.
There is no place she can't flash it, she has no reason to let it hide.
You feel responsible for her, but that is not what should be.
I just wish you had the sight to see how much this is hurting me.
smoke
I feel like you can barely see me anymore, behind these mirrors and smoke.
My tears get lost behind it all, and my heart has shattered and broke.
When you put this ring on my finger, I really thought that I could, or should.
But I am losing you anyway, and am close to giving it all up for good.
It would be kinder if it was really that easy, if my heart wasn't on my sleeve.
The sound echos in the silence, of my heart breaking every time that you leave.
Would you even miss me, if I were to go away in the dark of the night?
Do you even know me anymore, am I worth putting up a fight?
forest
I have all these questions that keep circling around in me.
Maybe it is true about not seeing the forest for the trees.
It is like wandering toward the lake and keeping my eyes closed tight.
Afraid if I open them even a little bit, the world will be too bright.
Not worrying about consequences if I wander too far or get in too deep.
Knowing in minutes I can be less afraid, and embrace the sleep.
Nothing between me and a sense of being whole.
Being surrounded to the very depths of my soul.
deer
Like every deer in the forest, I feel like I am constantly on alert.
I don't think you realize the pain of how much this hurts.
No time goes past that you are not in my every thought.
You tell me you still love me, she no longer holds that spot.
But every time you go to her, when she calls for no reason at all.
You make me question once again, and it is like talking to a wall.
I wonder if it all makes sense, of why it is happening to me.
Or if I am just making an issue out of what's not really there to see.=========================================
heat
The tension is too much, you have to stand away from me.
They say that magnetism is strong, but surely that can't be.
You are not even beside me, yet I still feel you in every pore.
Just the thought of you makes me hunger, and want you even more.
This can't be happening to me, why can't I stand you close by?
But the closer you get the more I my sensibilities go quite awry.
I can close my eyes and if you move closer, I can feel it in every bone.
The closer you get it is like everyone disappears and we are all alone.
abandon
I can't control my thoughts, and the threat of abandon courses through my vein.
With every heartbeat, the feelings get stronger, almost to the point of pain.
You look at me with those eyes that seem to burn inside my very soul.
Even with this distance between us, it is like something is missing, not quite whole.
But if you come closer, I might explode, with this overwhelming attraction.
Like two ions swirling and retracting, avoiding a cosmic reaction.
But still I can't help but stare at you from this distance of space.
Because to be closer, causes my heart to skip around and race.***********************************************
shortcut
When you were just a child you looked for the shortcuts and the climbable trees.
Racing a mile a minute, coming home with all kinds of scrapes on your knees.
Sometimes you remembered where every single one came from, sometimes not.
Every game you could think of would be played to the extreme until you were caught.
Campouts in the backyard, a tent from the clothesline was just the thing.
Or the fun it was to tease the neighbor dogs at 3am trying to make them sing.
Looking at the sky, counting the stars, starting over when you hit a million and one.
Smiling a big grin when mom called you a such a holy terror when she saw what you'd done.
outlook
Not worrying about what was to come, the outlook always looked good for the summer day.
Running amuk with the kids from down the block, doing everything your own little way.
Makes you sort of wish that you never had to grow up, you could stay this way forever.
But the days keep adding up, and you can't stop time, this is not the land of Never.
== Just once, can this dream go on for just a little while longer still?
The summer is not quite over, there is so much left to do, more hours left to fill.
You can't be sure about tomorrow, or what the next day has to bring.
The birds have it so easy, they just have to gree the day and sing.
But soon I'll be too old for this, and soon my days will not be fresh.
I won't be able to remember them all, the combination of days will be a mess.
All that will be left will be the dreams, of what I hoped would be.
One more day will be like the next, the adventures will cease for me.
And I will regret the loss of it all, wanting to go back once more.
But it will be too late, my childhood will be almost out the door
why can't I be happy, why can't this one dream be true and I can go back once more.
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limits,tolerance,smoke,forest,deer,heat,abandon,shortcut,outlook,future.
Play Nice.7/13/02
There is no easy way to ask this question of you.
You should just be a name on a screen of blue.
But all my thoughts revolve around you again.
I fight every urge to write to you as more than a friend.
Please make this heartache go, you are so far away.
You make me smile with every word you say.
In dreams, you are the knight shining in armor so bright.
You slay all the dragons, and make everything right.
You are the beacon that shines through the night.
And the one that brings tears, whenever we fight.
You remind me to smile, when I am feeling sad.
You frustrate me daily, bordering on driving me mad.
I try to hide behind the smiling faces, but the feelings stay.
Time should heal all wounds, but this won't go away.
So please, remember, even clowns can cry inside.
No matter what impression is shown on the outside.
Georgie Porgie kissed the girls, don't ask me why ?
But lizards and snakes also can make you cry.
But please ignore me, I am rambling on and on.
I wish these feelings would just be gone.
Your heart is captured by another, this is for sure.
But even knowing this, it is still hard to endure.
This age thing, you would think would be a block.
But the more I think of you, the more it is not.
I wonder if the sunshine would just make a glow.
Could I or would I really miss the blistering snow?
This poem was never meant to leave my thoughts.
But sometimes we do things we should probably not.
7/16/02
Nursery rhymes are fine and oh so very dandy.
The nicknames you can pull come in handy.
In dreams you can be who you want to be.
And imagine likeliness of those yet to see.
The pudding is sweeter, and so is the pie.
All the kisses you get, make you just sigh.
It is fun to create scenerios, that seem real to life.
Of things better left til after you've made wife.
But we won't go there, some faces will turn beet.
Especially if perchance one day we should meet.
So nursery rhyme and the characters within.
Will just live in my dreams, and tempt me to sin.
8/14
I don't know what you could have done, or what you actually did.
But you have mezmerized that girl, the one we all call "Kid".
You have her not knowing up from down, or the phrase "if, and, or but."
When you forget to call her name, she turns around and pounds on
Porgie's gut.
There has to be a better way, to get her to admit it is not just she.
She has you wrapped around her finger, that is plain for EVERYONE to see.
But we are patient, there will be time, nothing is standing still.
You do remember that "Life is but a stage", according to Shakespeare,
Will.
So you definitely keep us entertained, with all your spats of loves.
We are all just waiting patiently for the announcement engraved with
doves.
There is no reason at this point, to plead the 5th, at least for me.
But let's get back to Shakespeare now, and ponder what is to be.
Shakespeare said it once before, "Me thinks she protest too much, my boy".
No matter how subtle you both think you are, or try to be so coy.
But go ahead and pretend it's all a game, there is not much to deny it.
It must be all in *my* imagination, of that I can certainly testify
and admit.
I might just be too clever by half, at least in my own mind .. .once
again.
So let me just tell you all, my sleepless nights are translating to my
hand.
And there is no proof in most of what I say, just my ideas of this and
that.
It is partly fun, and just helps past the time, 'cause there is not
much basis in fact.
October 24,2002 -- I can't help wondering if you realize how much you hurt me.
You left without a word, and I can't stand knowing you won't be back.
A year has gone by and still I wait for what will never be.
With each day that goes by, my heart gains another crack.
One minute you were there, the next they rushed you away.
I couldn't help you then, and when I returned the next day.
You had already gone, you had left in the night.
If I was there, would you have put up a fight?
I loved you more than you would ever admit.
02-11-2003....It is hard to say where one begins and the other ends.
I wasn't one who went before to help defend these lands.
I can't say who is right or wrong, I can't make that choice.
I pray that they see that peace and war both need a voice.
I can't not defend those who want to oppose, I won't take sides in this.
This is America, where you defend the right of those to live in bliss.
Too many things happening all at once, a whirlwind all around you.
They won't or can't see this is what may be, when there's nothing left
to do.
Where does one begin and the other end, the dividing line is getting
blurred.
I hope for peace, praying war won't result, but this can not be ensured.
So if the choice comes down to one, where the ends will justify the means.
Life won't be the same, of that we can be sure, no matter what it seems.
Ultimately, what needs to be done, will be the matter at hand.
All that may be left to do, is ship more soliders to another land.
Then more will go, to defend the right to pretend there is no plight.
Let them say what they will, and let others step up to join the fight.
Perhaps someday they will see, and maybe they never will.
Regardless of what they believe, America will defend them still.
I am sorry this is such a tame reply to what you hold so dear.
I can't say who has the right of it all, but your's might be, I fear.2/11
==+===++===+== ... new ones
Hills large and small were here before and will be here after me.
But anywhere you stand and look, the world is always too far to see.
So I stand up on this mound, that is not quite a mountain.
And look around and hope the words I write will blend
into the soft wind that carries everything across the fields
The cool night air, it soothes and helps to heal
all the hurt that the past loves have continued to build
Atop this place, my soul can reach out to feel and be filled
with the calm and flutters of just the night
no moon to guide me, there is no light
no clouds to lift me, it is just stars
no motions to distrupt this gazing out afar
So now I can sit and find the peace I seek
Not having to be strong, when I just feel so weak
I can be here all alone and gaze out upon it all
No worry about everything toppling, it can all fall.
Because I have found my place right here. On this hill.
emercy 03200113