Chapter 17: Escape from Rivendell (again)
 

"All right, I think we've established that the males need to follow us," Tadan panted as she and Luitha dashed down the door-infested hall. Every few feet was another door and another delay, but with five of them (two half-elves, two elves, and one man), it went fairly quickly, even though Glorfindel did only have one hand (the other was holding his towel). Tadan kept reassuring Elrond that he still was the hottest, even with a slightly shorn lock of hair. He kept asking her to kiss it away, and Luitha rolled her eyes with each request.

"Here! I found one! But where are the others?" Tadan had thrown open a door to find… PJ!!!

"What in the world is going on here?" PJ screamed as Tadan took the cloth from his mouth.

“Hmmm... maybe it's best to leave the gags on for now.”

“Tadan, do you hear someone coming down the hall...?” Luitha asked suddenly.

All four hunters and one elf in a bathrobe froze and listened intently.

“Horses in the courtyard! More elves it sounds like! Prepare yourselves!” Aragorn commanded.

"I'm feeling very sorry for PJ right about now."  Tadan handed PJ a spare Lembas Launcher that Glorfindel had for some odd reason. "You point it like this, and press this..NO! Don't fire it while you're aiming at Luitha.”

Tadan readjusted the Launcher in PJ’s hands. Luitha gave him a sour look. “That would be bad for us all. Just shoot at the Elves. I mean, the OTHER Elves.” PJ had aimed at Elrond this time. PJ looked so lost that Tadan sighed. “Just shoot when I tell you to.”

Luitha, PJ, and Aragorn aimed their Lembas Launchers while Elrond and Tadan readied their Chloroform guns and Glorfindel held his towel.

“Now there’s a weapon in itself,” Luitha muttered, watching Glorfindel clutch his towel.

“Just make sure no hunters are around when he uses it,” Tadan replied with a grin.

-------------------------------------

“Are you all right?” came a voice from above. Lizard looked up from her mouthful of dirt to see… feet.

“It’s Richard and Peter!” Tinuviel exclaimed. “How did you escape?!”

“Well, we brought and Orc makeup kit with us and attacked our captors,” Richard explained.

“You know, I didn’t realize what wimps elves are when it comes to nasty makeup,” Peter looked confused.

“Oh, you should see what a hairdryer will do,” Nim told them with a grin. “Now we’ve got to go rescue some friends. You just stay here on Bill.”

“The ones with the elf in the bath towel?”

All three hunters dropped over and had to be revived by Orli and Legolas.

Moments later, the fabulous five were sneaking around the city. Many, many footsteps could be heard ahead of them. They crept up behind Luitha and Tadan’s little group, all of which had their backs to the Liz, Tin, Nim and co.

Tinuviel tapped the first one she could reach to warn they were there to help. It was Glorfindel.

He shrieked like a Ringwraith and dropped his towel.

“Oh that’s great, why not just put up a big neon sign tha…” Luitha suddenly realized that she was the sole huntress standing, looking at her fallen friends now unconscious on the floor. “Thank Elbereth I’m a PMF,” she sighed. Legolas and Orli started reviving again, and Glorfindel picked up his towel guiltily.

Running toward Glorfindel’s scream, ELFs come tearing around the corner only a few seconds later. Luitha leapt forward with an elvish battle cry and PJ fired his Lembas Launcher... well... misfired... Luitha was now out for the count.

“PJ!” Tadan shook her head in exasperation.

“You’re the one who gave him the Launcher,” Elrond pointed out.

“Hey El luitha! Tadan, Elrond, Aragon! You guys should- OOF.” Lizard slithered to the floor as an overzealous Aragon whacked her in the head with his Lembas Launcher.

“Nice aim, Ranger.” Tadan told him dryly.

He shrugged. “Give me a sword, I’ll do better.”

Nim sighed. “Men and their swords, I will never understand.” Aragorn just looked pointedly at her.

“Ai, this situation is turning worse.” Tin watched more and more ELF’s arrive. “Got any bright ideas Tadan?”

PJ was still shooting wildly with his Lembas Launcher. “Drat! That was a very stupid idea to give him one.” Tadan watched PJ hit everything but the ELFs.

"Okay, I have a last resort!" Tadan pulled out gas masks from behind her back, cartoon-style. When all PEF's and their targets had them on, she threw out gas bomb. BOOM! Chloroform filled the courtyard. All of the attacking Elves were instantly knocked out.

Elrond turned to her. "Great job, Tada.....Tadan? I don't think she got her mask on in time." He sighed and picked her up as Aragorn scooped up Luitha.

"Peter, PJ, Richard? What you have just witnessed are PEF's in action, and look we rescued you!" Tinuviel beamed proudly

"Hey! It was your fault in the first plac..."'

"We rescued you."

"All right, all right..."

The entire group marched back to camp through heaps of unconscious elves.

---------------------------------------

VSDPEF-Lizard219
Forget the date, putting title here instead.
LEFT in Rivendell

All right, I'm just now waking up, knocked out in the lembas-launcher crossfire, to find that everyone LEFT ME! Yes, that's right. I'm still back here in Rivendell. It was my wonderful luck that when I fell, I stumbled a little and toppled into Glorfindel's bubblebath. Luckily, part of my face was above the water. So now I'm all sopping wet and alone. *sigh*

Well, I suppose I'll catch up. *starts walking down hall, stepping carefully over unconscious elves* They'll realize I'm gone eventually, yes? My friends? My dear PEF friends? I'm cold and wet and alone... I miss Orli. Did someone happen to make sure he left with the others?

Ah me. Lizard luck is not the best luck. I thought having to duke it out with Christina Ricci was bad enough.

--------------------------------------------

VSDPTadanF- Elrond Halfelven

Am finally back at camp, when one of the..what were they called? Oh yes, when one of the DWARFs asks if anybody had seen Lizard. Then she looked at me! As if I'm supposed to keep all of them straight! I know which one is Tadandader, and also who Luitha is. But Lizard? Was that the one with the 'Orli' fixation? She, I think it was Nimrodel, threw up her hands and walked away, yelling to (I think) Tinuviel that she was next with Legolas. Humans!

-------------------------------------------

VSDPEF- Lizard219
Back in camp

Made it back to camp after trekking through the forest, cold and shivering... Am plotting to wipe runny nose on the shirt sleeve of whoever hit me with that lembas... Make that person nice and sick. ACHOO!! *rubbing hands together* Mwoo-ha-ha-ha!

Wait a second...

Lizard pulled Cletus out of her  head. “Was that you? That was mean!”

"No, it was you, YOU'RE mean," Cletus retorted.

"Nu-uh. Never. Lizards are NOT mean. Silly, easily distracted, apt to get into trouble, and sometimes overly chatty, but not mean. Check your handbook."

Cletus scowled.

"Wait... I know what's wrong with you! Christina Ricci turned you to the dark side, didn't she? Oh, that's terrible! My common sense has gone evil!"

She chucked Cletus into the woods and yelled after him, "Find someone else to be the tool of your evil cricket machinations!"

Cletus looked back through the grass with an evil look in his eyes. "I will... Oh, I will." And he rubbed his antennae together before running back towards Rivendell.

Oh my. Well, I'm glad everyone made it back safely. I'm without common sense again, but I think the other PEFs are getting used to that. Sigh. I think people expected Elrond to keep track of me. I don't hold him responsible. I think I hold my inability to stay out of the path of potential head injuries reponsible. Man, how many times have I hit my head now? It DOES explain a few things...

*Finds Orli and curls up in a nice comfy tent with him.* HE doesn't care how addled my Lizard brain is by now. He's not in it for the conversation... Heh heh.

------------------------------------

VSDPEF- Undomiel9
Stately Wayne Manor (aka the Last Homely House)

Sitting in cell, wondering what in the world is going on . . . hears voices.

“That sounds like Tadan and Luitha! And is that Tinuviel? And Lizard! Hey Guys! I'm in here!”

A short pop followed, the sound of a fired chloroform gun, and Undomiel quickly covered her mouth. “That can't be good,” she mumbled through her fingers. Silence followed, then Aragorn and Elrond talking.

“Guys! Wait!”

Oh, sheesh. Here I am still. Just wait until I get to talk to Glorfindel. Things were fine . . . we were walking through the woods, and then those ELF's stopped us. Said something about a strawberry bubble bath. I tried reasoning with him, but I think that he had spent too much time at camp. All he had to do was tell me that the Strawberry stuff was getting low. But nooo . . . he goes to Rivendell with the ELF. <<shaking head>>

“Guys???” she tried again.

“Alright. This has gone far enough.” Domie stopped to think and noticed the end of a dropped chloroform gun right outside the cell. “If . . . I . . . can . . . just . . . reach . . . got it!! O.K. What now?”

In the sweetest voice possible, she called out, “Guard. Oh Guard! Can you help me for a second?” He bought it and walked in the door. “You see, I have this slight problem. I am . . .” Undomiel rambled incoherently until the guard was completely inattentive. She shot him with the chloroform gun before he could walk out again. “Gotcha! “

She laid the gun near the fallen guard. “Such are the casualties of battle. I do not envy you the headache you have when you awake. But until then, sleep well.” And she ran out of Rivendell.

--------------------------------------

Meanwhile, Mariana continued to follow Figwit.

"There they are." He stopped and indicated ahead.

"Great!" Mariana replied, running ahead for a better view. There was nothing there!

"Ha! I got you!" Figwit was not pointing an arrow at her.

"You wouldn't do this to a lady, would you?" Mariana asked.

"You almost had a gum on my hair and you tell me about arrows! What you did was much worse."

She sighed. "Listen,” she told him. "I can teach you something really cool if you let me go after."

"I have no reason to trust you, you pervy elf fancier."

"I'm serious, it's really cool! Why do you think the other elves haven't returned to Rivendell? We kept them free, but they preferred to stay with us."

"I have to admit I was curious about what made them stay there..."

"Here I show you..." Mariana had captured him.

--------------------------------------

A lone figure wandered past the edge of camp and saw that for now, all was fairly quiet, except for the sounds of Tae-Bo coming from a couple tents and the sound of Lizard muttering about firing a brainwashed cricket. The Ranger woman quietly slipped a package under the rear of that tent, and set it next to the very end of the bed. Pinned to the box is a note that read:

Here Lizard, I wouldn't do this for just anyone, but until you can reprogram that faulty cricket of your's, you can borrow one of mine. (Yes, I have two. A family trait. Also why I have the sense to be a manly man lover and stay away from zany elf and human hunts.) His name is Phil. Treat him well, and just be warned that he can be a little moody. Good luck.

The figure slipped quietly back into the forest and headed away from Rivendell.

-----------------------------------

The insomniac Lizard tossed fitfully in her tent, not really tired, but aware that sleep was probably a good thing.

Not that I would know. Hence the term "insomniac." Drat it, maybe I'll go read the ads in the back of my Entertainment Weekly. That should put me to sleep.

She sat up, reaching for copy of magazine, and paused. “Hmmm... What's this?” She picked up the package and read the note attached.

"Hmm... replacement cricket... Phil... Lila GamgeeTook... Awwww... That's so nice! I've never had anyone give me common sense before!"

She removed Phil from packaging. "Awww, he's cute! Here you go, little guy. Do your job!"

Phil hopped into her ear. Immediately, he sent her a little note from his prompt review of my memory.

"Oh, no, you're right!" She told him. "We did forget Undomiel!" Crawling out of the tent, she went and checked. “Oh good, there she is! Phwew! I was afraid we'd have to undergo another PEF attempt at a rescue, and everyone knows how THOSE go.” Feeling a little guilty for forgetting about her, Lizard went and tapped a few hot elves who were unoccupied on the shoulder.

"Hey guys, give her something nice to wake up to," she suggested.

They shrugged and went to lay around her, prepared to jump up as soon as she awakened and start brushing her hair for her and fanning her with a big feather-festooned contraption until she felt a bit better. Such nice, accommodating elves there were! What a difference a little Tae Bo made!

Lizard sat down and penned a quick thank you to Lila... “Goodness, what is the postal code in Gondor? Such a nice girl...”

She yawned. “Well, it was a lovely thing to wake up to, but now I really MUST go to sleep. Phil is reminding me that as a PEF, tomorrow may very well be a very looooong day. Curling back up with Orli (although she suddenly found herself entertaining strange thoughts about some of the rugged pics she saw in Gondor), Lizard went to sleep at last.

ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz....

------------------------------------

VSDPEF- aflon
New hunter- help please?

I was at the gym this morning and there was an elf in the swimming pool and he wasn't even bothering to hide his pointy ears. I've thought there was something quite odd about for a while now and this morning I realized.

I have 2 problems - 1. How do I catch him? And if I do catch him, what do I do with him or should I simply admire his elvish body as he swims up and down the swimming pool.

2. My gym instructor is a hobbit, but he doesn't know it. He was obviously adopted at birth. Shall I reveal the truth to him and if I do will he help me catch the elf. Do hobbits help catch elves?

--------------------------------------

Groggily, Undomiel woke up to see...

Elves pouncing on her and starting to brush her hair.

“What in the . . .” She woke up fully. “Oh. I see. Yes, I actually do need a trim. And would it be possible to use another scent besides strawberry? I think I overdosed on that a while ago . . .”

-------------------------------------

Mariana arrived at the camp with Figwit at last. Oh, Nimrodel was gonna LOVE this!

"Hi everybody!" Mariana called out. "I brought someone else! But unfortunately couldn't rescue PJ and Richard and Peter and.. OH NICE! They're here, you got them! We are a dream team, aren't we?"

She headed over to Nimrodel’s tent. "Brought you a present, Nim!”

"You treat me as if I were an object...” Figwit seemed insulted.

"Oh sorry dear... is that so bad?"

Figwit then saw the PEF special look Nim was doing right now.

"No, it's not that bad at all" And he jumped into her tent.

------------------------------------

VSDPEF- aflon
In the gym…

This is obviously a very tricky elf in my gym as he has shaved his hair and thinks he is in disguise - even though his ears are more obvious. So the hair cut tactic won't work. I'm off to get the strawberry bubble and will have it ready with me tomorrow morning.

I didn't mention that there is an orc escaped from Moira there as well. She squinted at me through the glass this morning and she has a cave troll. I think I'll just hide from them!!
 
 
 

El Luitha 'uren
June 2002
[email protected]