So they don't see why I want to protect Rachel. They don't see that she saved my life. They didn't feel, like I did, that moment when Scythe was dead and I could breath again and I knew everything would be okay and I justed wanted to yell, "Free at least, thank God almighty, I'm free at least!" They don't know how, as crazy as it is, I can't help thinking that Rachel (a complete stranger) was the only one who cared enough about me to help me.
And after you sacrifice yourself for so long trying to help others who just hurt you in the end, it really stings to have someone call you selfish, when all you're trying to do is survive. Nothing in this world lasts, certainly not friendship.
Sometimes I'm okay when I'm away from them and with Kylie. She's about the only person I can take being around anymore. But I'm still scared, because she's also the one who can hurt me now. I'm tired of being hurt and I'm tired of being pushed. I just want to be left alone, but I'm scared of her leaving me alone.
Winter 1904
I hate Scythe. "He's a nice guy," Gervaise keeps insisting, but he isn't a nice guy. He's a womanizing bastard. Gervaise should be able to see that, she deals with jerks like him enough. So the guy says some nice things, so what? I don't understand why these crazy girls can't see that Scythe doesn't mean any of it. I've known tons of guys like him, and I know they're bad news. Maybe I don't tell Gervaise a lot of nice, flowery compliments, but at least I mean everything I do say. That should at least count for something, but it obviously doesn't.