Chapter Thirteen
* * *
If not now - when.
I left a ring in your kitchen. The inscription is Hebrew, the translation is at the top of this letter. I have kept this ring for many years, but I believe the time has come for it to change hands. Or fingers, rather...
The day I met you, you captured me. For a few months I felt like I was crashing off the highest cliffs, swimming in the widest oceans, drinking from the sweetest wines. You are a very remarkable man, Elijah, and knowing you has changed me. I have seen, tasted, felt a sparkle of your love and if only it had been for me... I envy the person who will bathe in all those sparkles, who will always be surrounded by your light, your love.
I think I met that very person, and when I did, I knew I had to go.
Last month I saw it all again in your eyes - oh baby, your eyes - but I saw your torment as well. That's when I decided this ring must be my gift to you.
The 'when' defines the moment you put this ring on, it defines your love, it defines you. 'If not now' will remind you of the difficult months, even years, you spent coming to terms with yourself. Let it strengthen and humble you in times of doubt.
When you know, when you have the courage to face the truth of your answers - when loving Dom has become the most profound, overwhelming, breathtaking issue in your life - only then wear this ring. Wear it for him, to show him what he means to you, but - most importantly - wear it for yourself.
When I spot it around your finger - and don't worry, I'll somehow keep my eye on you - I want to see your wondrous eyes glow and your dazzling sparkles shine, in the knowledge that the struggle is over.
You will be beautiful.
F.
* * *
Dom is sitting on the porch bench, in nothing but his jeans, and twirls the letter thoughtlessly between his fingers. There is an untouched mug of coffee on the wooden floor and the sounds of the world waking up around him barely register. Slowly he folds the piece of paper and slides it back into its small white envelop.
He sighs as he takes a look at the other envelop, a thick, weighty affair from New Zealand, no doubt containing scripts, timetables, housing arrangements... In other words: re-shoots. He stretches out his hand to pick up the much-awaited schedules, but cannot resist and pulls the one-sheet letter out of the little envelop again. He reads it once more, swallows, and sits back against the wall of the guesthouse.
The morning had started off great, finding the promise of more Rings filming and a sleep-warm, willing Elijah making coffee in his tiny kitchen. He had pinned him against the counter, sliding his hands under Lij's t-shirt, stroking all the smooth flesh he found underneath and they had kissed, never coming up for air. Eventually his stomach had started to rumble mercilessly and, laughing, they had decided on breakfast first and sex later, instead of the desired other way around.
And now he finds himself sitting on this stupid porch bench with a mug of coffee, a beautiful yet painful letter in his hands, and a very upset Elijah in the bathroom, all thoughts of having sex long forgotten.
Fucking rollercoaster.
* * *
The water is scalding hot on his flesh, and it actually hurts, but he stays where he is. It almost feels like a punishment, watching his pale skin turn lobster-red, yet it allows him to deliberately misread his tears of Confusion for tears of pain.
Images of Franka dart in and out of his mind. Their first days of shooting together, getting drunk together, crawling into the nearest available bed to sleep it off and have slow, languid sex together the next morning. He remembers his stabbing anger for her the day she left, and now that he has read exactly why she left, he is angry with himself for his parting words last month.
It had caught him completely off guard. The envelop was stuck to residual glue on the thick one from New Zealand that accompanied it, and the handwriting had been vaguely familiar. When he opened it and saw the letter F at the bottom it was already too late, he had to read it. Yet his tears of frustration had started to fall after the first few lines.
Of course he'd scared Dom off by pushing him away. He had run off to the bathroom, locking the door behind him, trying to control his incessant crying, but to no avail. And now he stands here, shaking with anger and Confusion, not to mention guilt for shutting Dom out, incapable of deciding whether or not to turn off the water, crying like a baby and praying to God for the pain to stop.
* * *
Dom stands up from the bench, scolding himself for losing his patience so quickly again, only this time not with Elijah but with himself. He knew the rollercoaster was going to be unavoidable for some time to come, but that it would present itself so soon after their careful moves back into each other's arms yesterday, he finds a bit difficult to digest.
Picking up the mug and envelops, he walks back into the guesthouse, disposes of everything in the kitchen and heads for the bathroom. He tries the doorknob, but it is still locked.
"Lij," he almost barks. "Open the door."
To his astonishment, Elijah immediately complies and for a brief moment Dom doesn't know what to do with himself. Lij has already turned his back on him again, grabbing a towel to dry himself off with, and Dom cannot think of anything else than crossing the threshold and putting his arms around him.
He meets with no resistance and so they remain like this for a while, swaying a little from side to side, with Elijah's tears slowly drying on his cheeks and Dom gently whispering silly endearments.
Then he carefully removes the towel from around Elijah's body and drops it on the floor. He circles his arms around Lij's narrow shoulders, stroking across his chest, massaging his soft, flat stomach.
"You are so beautiful," he whispers, turning Elijah around in his arms. "Look at you." He kisses Lij's neck tenderly, hands roaming the small of his back, pulling him closer just a fraction, softly rubbing the growing bulge in his jeans against Lij's thigh. "Let me make love to you," he pleads and closes both hands around that perfectly tight ass, kneading it sensually, causing Elijah's cock to stir.
Lij's eyes are wide and stare at Dom. "I'm not sure, Dommie," he starts, softly - guiltily. "I don't know if I can keep everything separated..." Dom's tongue licks a trail from Lij's ear to the back of his neck, nuzzling his dark hair, squeezing the pert bottom again.
"It doesn't matter, Lij," he whispers. "Why not let it all crash together for once. Just let it be one big collision of feelings and memories and desires. Just give up control, baby, because it's tearing you apart." Dom slides his indexfinger between Elijah's buttocks and a sharp intake of breath is his reward. Lij's arms close around Dom's neck, pulling his face towards his own and he starts a dirty, wet kiss, abandoning the mess of thoughts.
"Bed," Lij pants when he breaks the kiss himself. "Let's do this properly." He pushes Dom into the bedroom and straddles him the moment he lies down on the bed. His small, deft fingers open the buttons of Dom's jeans and he quickly pushes them down to his knees, only to discover that Dom had not bothered with underwear this morning when he got out of bed.
"Fuck, Sblom," he curses. "Don't do that, man." He removes the jeans completely and bends his pliant body so that his face aligns with Dom's beautiful, erect cock. "It's so fucking hot when you do that."
Without any further ceremony he gives the tip of Dom's cock an experimental little lick and Dom can only whimper. A smile curls around Elijah's lips and he gives another teasing lick. His hand comes up and he closes his fingers around the shaft, moving them the slightest bit. A small squeeze, a tiny flick with his tongue in and out of the glistening slit, and Dom lets out a frustrated grunt. "You bloody tease," he jerks his head from one side to another. "Just get on with it, will ya?" Lij's patented giggle escapes from his lips and Dom's hand grabs a fistful of dark spiky hair. He pushes Lij's head gently but impatiently down towards his cock, he wants those lips on him so badly. Still giggling softly, Lijah takes pity on Dom and slides his lips around the purplish tip.
Dom just closes his eyes and allows Elijah to suckle him slowly, his tongue swirling around and around his cock, occasionally dipping into the slit, licking up each new pearl of precum. He groans throatily in appreciation of everything the little imp is doing to him.
He feels Lij's hand finally setting up somewhat of a rhythm and he lets out a shaky breath, knowing what is to come. Suddenly, Elijah's eager mouth takes over completely from his hand and he swallows around Dom's cock everytime, taking him in deeply, and letting go with incredible suction surrounding it. His free hand strokes down, moving to touch Dom's balls, pushing them around gently from one side to the other, lifting them, squeezing them carefully.
"Fuck, Lij," Dom groans. "Don't stop now, do you hear? Fucking don't stop." In response, Elijah hums briefly, and the sound reverberates against Dom's cock, igniting all his nerve endings. He bucks up rather violently, and Lij has to pull back slightly in order not to choke, but he continues happily and hears Dom mutter a muffled apology.
When Lij can tell Dom is this close to coming, he pulls back mercilessly and smiles up at him. "Not yet, Sblomie," he says hoarsely, licking his lips, staring at his accomplishments with a devilish grin. "I want you to fuck me with that."
Dom's eyes grow wide with renewed lust. He swallows hard, exhales audibly and tries to sit up, stretching to reach for the lube that they left somewhere around the bed last night. Lij falls playfully onto his back, his upper body resting on his elbows, and he pulls up his knees in blatant invitation.
"Yeah, yeah, hold your bloody horses," Dom mutters, patting the covers, hoping to feel the familiar bottle somewhere between the sheets. "Can't find the fucking lube." Elijah giggles insanely and starts tapping the mattress with his fingers in mock-impatience, causing Dom to roll onto his stomach with an exasperated sigh in order to search for the missing bottle underneath the bed.
He emerges triumphantly and flips the cap off, moving to kneel between Lij's spread legs, tossing the bottle to the side once he has enough of it on his fingers. "Come here," he says, pushing Lij's legs a little further apart and prying his indexfinger tentatively into the exposed entrance. Almost immediately he adds a second finger, moaning softly. "God, you hardly need my fingers to open up for me, Lij," he breathes appreciatively. He continues anyway, relishing the hot silkiness inside.
Elijah is flat on his back by now, and his hand is lazily stroking his own cock, eyes fixed to the ceiling. "More, Dom," he pleads softly. "Need more." A third finger is added and the movements inside become harsher, with Dom's knuckles scissoring at the insides of Lij's hole. When Lij grips his cock harder and starts to actually pump himself, Dom retracts his fingers and places his other hand over Elijah's. "I don't think so, baby," he chuckles.
Before Dom can make another move, Elijah snaps out of his reverie and sits up eagerly. He giggles softly, realising how he got slightly carried away, and proceeds to push Dom onto his back, crouching over him on his hands and knees. "Let me do the work, okay?" he asks gently and looks at Dom expectantly. Dom doesn't say a word, but as he watches how a fresh bout of precum trickles from Lij's rampant cock onto his own stomach, he nods his head in sheer anticipation and moans with need, eyes wide.
He holds his sensitive cock upright, watching how Elijah blindly finds his position and gingerly lowers himself onto Dom. They both groan loudly with the sensation of the still unfamiliar angle and Lij has to place his hands on Dom's chest quickly to keep from falling on top of him. Eventually he rests his back against Dom's pulled-up knees and waits for his body to adjust to the intrusion, wiping at the beads of sweat on his face, flashing a brilliant smile.
When they start to move, Dom feels as if his world is caving in, turning upside down, spinning out of control. With his eyes closed, he grabs Lij's slender hips and helps him set a gentle pace, moaning softly under his breath every time Elijah's body, so hot and so tight, impales itself on him.
It's a deliciously slow fuck. Every time Dom nears anything that only resembles the blinding heat of pending orgasm, Elijah stops his movements and just stares at Dom with his blazing eyes. He has again started touching himself, slowly, languidly, enough to keep himself on edge. Dom is fascinated by this slightly exhibitionist side in Lij and he cannot stop looking at the small, nail-bitten fingers carefully stroking the silky yet rock-hard shaft.
"Come on, Lij," Dom says, breaking the stare, his breath laboured. "I don't think I can take much more of this." Elijah smiles at him, and just as he wants to give his lover what he's asking for, Dom seizes control of the situation. He stretches his legs in front of him, and grabs Elijah to stop him from falling. Then he sits up slightly, opening his legs, gently lowering Lij's body until his back is only inches away from the mattress, changing the angle dramatically. He cradles him in strong arms to prevent himself from slipping out of Lij's incredible tightness.
"Oh my fucking God," Elijah groans, closing his eyes. "Where did you... aah, Jesus Christ, Dom... learn about this?" He throws his head back in total abandon. "Fuck me..." he hisses. "I need you to fuck me hard, Dom."
Being able to set the pace now, Dom pulls Elijah's body roughly onto his cock, then pushes him off gently, and tries again. Overwhelmed, Elijah almost screams out his pleasure. When all gentleness finally leaves Dom's mind and movements, and their bodies, slick with sweat and lube, collide harder and faster, Elijah wraps a tight fist around his cock and pumps himself ruthlessly, in time with Dom's pulls, coming all over the place in mere seconds.
As he moans and trembles with heavy release, he moves to wrap his arms around Dom, who, in turn, cries out as his body uncoils with an orgasm that washes over him like a giant tidal wave.
* * *
Without opening his eyes, Elijah wakes from the nap he and Dom must have succumbed to after their lovemaking that lasted until well into the afternoon. A faint headache is slumbering behind his eyes, and, just as he starts wondering if it could have been caused by the three mindblowing orgasms he has had in the past twelve hours, he suddenly remembers his emotional outburst after reading Franka's letter and shivers.
His back is pressed to Dom's chest and he is held in place by a protective arm that Dom has slung across his waist. Lij gently strokes the soft, downy hair on Dom's arm, eyes still closed, and realises he feels better with that arm there.
* * *
"It'll work. Trust me."
"We'll face your fears together."
"Just give up control, baby, because it's tearing you apart."
* * *
With an exhausted sigh, Elijah presses his back even tighter against Dom's warm body and tries to still the voices in his head. Dom comes close to consciousness and, noticing Elijah is seeking his warmth and his protection, he tightens his grip, moving his arm from Lij's waist to his chest and softly kisses the back of his neck.
The sun is high in the sky above a tiny house standing at the edge of a random Los Angeles lawn, a girl with a blond ponytail and bright blue eyes dives into the pool in that same beautiful garden, and millions of people are busy living their lives for yet another day; some happy, some angry, many confused.
Chapter Fourteen
Meet Confusion Index