Chapter Ten
The angry red numbers on the alarm clock make Dom realise he has been sitting with Elijah's hand in his lap for over an hour now, and they have barely moved and not spoken a word.
Lij's eyes have been closed for a long time and Dom had almost shifted into meditation, being so still and quiet and concentrating on two bodies breathing in unison. He raises his head slightly to look at Elijah and starts a bit as he sees the eyes gazing at him, open and focused.
"We should sleep," Lij says, and squeezes Dom's hand softly. Dom nods and groans as his stiff muscles are ordered into action. He stands up straight, stretches his back and offers his hand to Elijah, who accepts it and pulls himself up. They don't look at each other, but Lij doesn't let go of Dom's hand as he gently pulls him into the bathroom, where he only switches on the soft light over the mirror. He hands him a toothbrush and some paste and Dom busies himself with both items. Lij disappears into the bedroom again and Dom hears him going through drawers, softly mumbling to himself, no doubt pulling out items of clothing for them to wear.
Dom grins; at this moment in time he'd wear three fucking fur coats to be able to get into Elijah's bed. He's suddenly hit by the desperation of that thought, but gently pushes it from his mind, aware that, after all this shit, they have to start somewhere. And if somewhere is in Elijah's bed with no chance of them getting naked, then that is exactly where they'll start.
Dom spits, rinses his mouth and drops the brush into the glass on the shelf. Lij comes back into the bathroom and proceeds to brush his own teeth, risking a shy glance at Dom in the mirror, yet casting his eyes down immediately as soon as Dom's threaten to meet his.
Leaving the bathroom, Dom walks towards the bed, smiling softly, somewhat amused by Elijah's sudden shyness. It makes him wonder if maybe he should just take his old spot on the couch.....
He picks up the clean pair of boxers he finds there, along with his pick between a green Ireland t-shirt and a faded Stone Roses Tour shirt. He smirks, realising that this choice, at least, is not very difficult...
As he is making his way out of the room, Lij exits the bathroom and gives him an odd look. "Where are you going, Dom?" he asks softly and moves to grab his hand, then decides against it. Dom doesn't really know what to do and just stands there, feeling slightly confused. "Come on," Lij says, motioning him to the bed. "You're not sleeping on the couch if that's where you're heading for.' He hesitates briefly, a thought suddenly entering his brain. 'I can sleep on the couch, though, if you'd rather sleep alone..." Dom, stunned, manages to shake his head. "Well, come on then," Elijah whispers and this time he does pull at Dom's hand. He raises his head and gives Dom a long stare. "I know it's not much I have to offer, and I need for us to talk first, but I'd really like to hear you breathe next to me." And that's a fucking sexy come-on for all Dom cares. He smiles.
Elijah eases the sheets back in a futile attempt to create some order on the bed, settling in the end for fluffing the pillows and throwing a second duvet onto it. "In case I hog the other," he giggles softly. A shiver goes through Dom, it's been so long since he's heard that stupid giggle, it almost makes him want to cry. Elijah straightens his back and turns to face Dom. He gives him an insecure, embarrassed look.
"I'm sorry, Dom," he whispers very quietly. He swallows. "I feel like such a fool."
Dom shakes his head and takes the one step needed to close the gap between himself and his love. He puts his arms firmly around Lij's shoulders and he feels him tense up a little, but Dom doesn't let go. Lij's hands hang aimlessly at his sides but he rests his head on Dom's shoulder, breathing softly into his neck and Dom can't help but shiver again.
After a few minutes they let go of each other and crawl into the bed, pulling the one large duvet over their bodies, leaving the second one at the foot of the bed. It is an oddly self-conscious action, though, both awkwardly trying not to touch the other, as if it had been a hundred years since they last shared a bed. Finally, they're on their backs, staring at the ceiling, waiting for something or someone to break the strange silence that hangs between them, separates them.
Dom listens to Elijah's breathing, to the rustling of the duvet when Lij shifts to lie on his side, facing away from Dom. He turns his head around a little and looks at the curving shape of Lij's back and remembers the nights he spent here in the guesthouse last year. He'd started out on that familiar couch he was already heading off to just now, but after a few months he spent many nights close to Elijah's warm body in this very bed. Elijah was slowly learning to refuse to listen to Confusion, and Dom had discovered a hidden, yet unbridled lust and a fierce passion within the boy.
In fact, it was in this bed where Dom had shown Lij how to have actual sex with another man, where he had taught him about preparation and patience, about giving and taking and giving some more, where he had convinced him that pain was always part of the deal and that he shouldn't let it stop him from giving into the pleasure he felt within himself. In turn, Elijah had shown Dom that he was a very quick and eager student who apparently needed to unleash something inside himself. He learned how to make Dom scream.
Dom shudders at the memory and realises he is hard.
"Dom?" Soft-sleepy voice.
"Hmmm?" Dom fakes waking up.
"Tomorrow we'll drive to the coast, okay?"
"Okay."
"I want to see the ocean with you tomorrow. You know..."
"Hmm-hmm. 's Okay."
"I need to talk with you."
Dom is sure he hears a hitch in Elijah's breath but chooses to ignore it. Instead he strokes the back of his head and his shoulder and, after a brief moment of hesitation, he smoothes Lij's bare arm, craving for his touch. He shudders again and his cock grows even harder as he feels Elijah's silky skin. Dom shakes his head, clears his mind, if only temporarily.
"It's okay, baby. Tomorrow, we'll talk."
They are quiet and Dom realises the edge has been taken off the weird distance that was keeping them apart just now. Soon, Elijah's breathing evens out, and when, after some prodding and whispering, he is dead sure Lij is asleep, Dom slips out of the bed, feeling like a miserable traitor, and disappears into the bathroom.
He curses under his breath, trying to make out his dark reflection in the mirror. He is so hard it fucking hurts and he doesn't expect Elijah to help him out tonight. For a few minutes he argues with himself, weighing his options. He knows he has to decide between a cold shower, pretending his body is not torturing him like this, or taking care of matters himself as stealthily as possible. He hates cold showers, and as far as pretending goes... he realises this erection isn't going to leave him any time soon. So, sighing resignedly and slightly embarrassed, he makes his way to the livingroom and plops down on the couch.
"Sorry, Lij," he mumbles very softly, carefully reaching inside his boxers. "But you have no idea what you do to me each time, and I mean fucking each time....."
He rests against the back of the couch, slides his body down the cushions a bit, and starts to stroke his hard shaft slowly, going over his collection of mental images that usually get him to that desired edge. Once there, he only needs to whisper Elijah's name to send him over it.
* * *
"Can I fuck you?"
His eyes are dark and huge and filled with lust and fixed on Dom's. "Show me, Dom," he says. "Show me what to do. I really want to... I want you."
He is naked and glorious with his swollen, glistening lips, hair dark with sweat. His face is moist too, tiny beads shine like pearls on his brow, his cheeks are flushed and he has a possessive, triumphant smile on his face as he watches Dom shudder convulsively with the aftershocks of the blowjob he just gave him. Lij crawls up from his position between Dom's legs, straddles him and drops down on his elbows, one on each side of Dom's head. Their lips are inches apart.
"Please, Dom," he whispers. "Let me fuck you." His eyes scorch their way inside Dom's brain and Dom has trouble focusing on what Elijah is saying, realising that from now on things will be forever different between the two of them. "Teach me," Lij breathes, his lips almost touching Dom's. "Tell me everything I need to know, but let's do it now, okay? I need to do it now... I want you so badly, you have no idea..."
Before Dom can say anything, Elijah pushes his plea with a searing kiss, swirling his eager wet tongue against Dom's, making sure he tastes himself on Elijah's lips. Elijah rubs his hard cock roughly against Dom's thigh and groans his desire into Dom's mouth.
"There's a blue plastic bottle in the drawer of the nightstand," Dom manages to say, breaking the kiss, breathing heavily, motioning with his head. Lij is across the bed in a flash and happily hands him the bottle.
Dom sits up slightly, resting against the headboard and flips the cap open. Then he stops abruptly. "Are you sure?" he asks softly and gives Elijah a serious look. "'Cause you know I don't want you to do this unless you are really sure. Remember what we agreed - first do it for you, then for me." Elijah kisses him again, this time slow and encouraging.
"Dom, I meant what I just said... you have no idea," he whispers, barely lifting his lips from Dom's mouth.
"Give me your hand," Dom says, and sends Elijah a reassuring smile. He squeezes out a nice dollop onto Lij's fingers, who grimaces at its coldness. "It'll warm in your hand," he grins. "Which is a good thing, as you are going to put it on me." A flicker of understanding goes over Lij's face and he uses his thumb to spread the lube over his fingers, warming it at the same time.
Dom slides down again, pulls his knees up and spreads them. Elijah forgets to breathe. Another smile. "You're going to open me up a little first, okay?" he says softly, raising his hips off the bed and pushing a pillow in place at the same time. Lij is still not breathing. "Just press a finger in and move it around a bit. You'll like it, you'll see." Lij's eyes wander from his fingers to Dom's face and on to his exposed entrance and he is still holding his breath. "Oh, and Lijah?" They stare at each other. "Breathe, baby." Elijah grins a little self-consciously, breathes deeply, and moves towards Dom, trying to push a finger in hesitantly. When Dom accepts the intrusion, Lij gasps and marvels at the hot tightness inside. "Fuck, Dom," is all he can utter and is mesmerized by his own movements.
"Can you take another one?" he wants to know suddenly, and Dom is again overwhelmed by Elijah's quick way of catching on to an idea and his eagerness to please him. "Sure," he groans, and arches his back violently when Lij pushes in a second finger, changing the angle, and hitting that spot.
"Lij!" he almost screams out. Elijah wants to pull back reflexively, but then Dom's eyes fly open and they show him pleasure, not pain, so he guesses he did something right after all.
"That, Lij," Dom starts, catching his breath. "Is called the prostate, and it is the very thing that makes gay sex so incredible. But please..." He takes a deep breath and grins his lopsided grin. "Handle with care." Elijah giggles a bit, mutters an embarrassed apology, and continues.
"Good?" he asks after a few minutes, tearing his eyes away from his hand and what his three fingers are doing, to look at Dom, and finding it equally beautiful. Dom nods, eyes closed, rocking back and forth slightly on Elijah's fingers, obviously enjoying the feeling. "You?" he asks, his eyes still closed. When he gets no reply he opens them and he looks at the boy between his knees. There's an incredible smile on Elijah's face, and it makes him want to cry. "Come one, then, Lij," he says, suddenly hoarse. "Fuck me."
Elijah slowly removes his fingers and touches his cock, smearing what's left of the lube from top to base. Involuntarily, he closes his eyes, as the feeling is tantalisingly good on his straining, neglected cock. He opens his eyes and searches for the bottle, squirting a little bit more onto his hand, repeating the movement on himself. He moans softly. Suddenly, something seems to snap back into place and he lets go immediately. Scooting forward just the tiniest bit, he lets his hand guide his cock against Dom's entrance and cannot help but hesitate.
"Just push in, Lij," Dom whispers, smiling. "It'll work. Trust me."
They look at each other intently, and then, inch by inch, breath by breath, they come together. When Dom begs him not to move, it takes everything in Elijah's burning body to comply. He wants to pull out, wants to repeat that fantastic push again - and again. He wants to feel Dom's unbelievable tightness roughly rub his cock, and - fuck - he just needs to move.
"Please, Dom," he hisses, struggling to keep still. "I can't - let me, please - Dom, I need... Oh, Dom..." Nothing coherent leaves Lij's mouth anymore, so Dom, not really ready yet, bucks his hips anyway. It sends Elijah off into a frantic pace, impatiently sliding in and out, moaning desperately with every thrust, lost in a storm of new sensations that is completely beyond his control. The pool of heat in his groin suddenly becomes a big, starry blur and when his balls tighten so fast it actually hurts, he feels how Dom grabs him and holds him tight as he empties himself, over and over again, deep inside Dom's body, calling out Dom's name.
* * *
"Lij - oh, fuck - Lij," Dom hisses the words between his clenched teeth, just a few strokes away from his release. The vivid image he still has of Elijah clutching to his chest as he shuddered and convulsed against him, coming hard, swept away by the overwhelming feeling of being inside him for the first time, is more than enough to bring him to the edge. Just a little bit more is what he needs, only a few expert strokes... Almost there, Dom keeps up an excruciating rhythm, legs far apart, concentrating hard.
"Oh, jeez, Lijah. Lij... Christ..." and the final stroke leaves him with his hand covered in his own come, body shuddering violently, squeezing his cock until he's completely empty. With his eyes screwed close and his mouth wide open, he struggles not to cry out for fear of waking Elijah, but it takes all he's got and as the orgasm passes he needs several minutes to regain his breath.
After a while, he stands up and walks to the bathroom with uncertain steps. Before his knees really stop functioning, he sits down quickly on the tiled floor and grabs a towel from the radiator. He cleans himself up, moves to rest his back against the bathtub, lets his head fall back and takes a few deep breaths. Then the reality of the situation hits him once more and, silently, he stretches out on the cold tiles of the bathroom floor, staring at the ceiling.
"Fuck, Lij," he mutters softly. "What the hell are you gonna say to me tomorrow?" His eyes wander in the direction of the bedroom, resting on the closed door which separates him from his beautiful, sleeping Elijah.
His Elijah? He frowns and sighs deeply once more.
"God, I'm so scared of losing you..."
Finally, he stands up, opens the door to the bedroom as quietly as he can, and finds that all is utterly silent in the bed. He looks at Elijah, and smiles; he has hogged the covers. Suppressing a grin, he unfolds the other duvet from the foot of the bed and slips underneath it.
He listens to Lij's steady breathing for a long time, thinking about tomorrow, and he tells himself to trust Elijah.
* * *
"It'll work. Trust me."
* * *
He tells himself to trust their love.
Chapter Eleven
Meet Confusion Index