Chapter Four
Before he can close his mouth again, Elijah's lips are on his, and it's a tender kiss; a small, soft, sad kiss. Lij pushes his chest tight against Dom's, his arms locked around Dom's neck, his eyes wide open, searching Dom's blue-grey ones. Searching for answers, Dom knows. Answers that Dom won't give. Cannot give, since they're not Lij's answers, they're Dom's answers. And those answers Elijah cannot work with, he wouldn't understand them anyway. He needs to find his own answers.
It's the worst part of it, Dom recalls. The fact that no one can help you with that, the dark realisation that, when push
comes to shove, you really are alone in the world. That no matter how many good friends you have, who all wish you the fucking best, and who are willing to give you all the freaking advice in the world, when it comes down to this question, there is no one there to help you with the answer. You have to get it from yourself, by yourself. Dom thinks back to the times he was struggling with his own question. He also remembers the elation and relieve he felt when he finally knew and dared to live up to the answer. It's a painful process and everyone who tells you otherwise is a liar. And maybe he should tell Elijah this, because Confusion is gaining too much ground here, staking too many claims. But still, it would only be advice, never the answer.
A sad kiss from a sad boy. Dom pulls Lij as close to him as he can, realising that he is mentally reaching for his jar of glue, but that he seems to have misplaced it somehow.
"I need to talk," Elijah says simply, and Dom nods. "I know," he replies softly, secretly relieved, and hugs the smaller man even tighter. "C'mon, let's get you dry," and he opens the shower door to yank a large towel from the rack
With some steaming mugs of hot coffee in their hands and a pair of Dom's sweats and shirts on their bodies they sit together on the couch, listening to the ticking of the rain on the large windows. Dom's eyes wander off towards Elijah's and he is grateful to see them shining like they used to, the strange bathroom mirror apathy almost completely gone from his face. "Better?" he asks gingerly, and Elijah nods, content with his coffee. He skirts around a bit, tucking his flexible legs even further up under his small body and faces Dom, who looks at him expectantly.
"There is a ring on my kitchen counter," is all he says, and Dom initially gives him a confused stare. "Left by Franka," he adds and shifts uneasily. "No note, no message." He is silent again for a long time.
"I don't want a ring, her ring, on my kitchen counter..." he adds. Dom grins a bit, then starts to understand why Lij came over in the first place. A ring, the universal symbol of unbreakable connection, of secure commitment, of Life Without Confusion, within Elijah's grasp probably freaked the hell out of him. He smiles inwardly... Leave it to the fucking Ringbearer...
"So you came here?" he asks for the obvious. Lij merely nods. "I just ran out of there, it's still in the kitchen." He has started chewing on his right indexfinger; what with his coffee finished and the available cigarettes all smoked. Nervous little hobbit.
"Wanna go check it out together?" Dom asks again, this time less obvious. Lij shakes his head slowly. Instead, he scoots over to Dom and snuggles into his embrace. Dom almost pulls him into his lap, and starts stroking his pale cheek. Smooth. Marble. Nice.
Yes, Sir Ian, thankyouverymuch.
"Can't we just stay here?" Elijah asks, and all of a sudden the fear is back, and he looks like the eighteen-year-old again he was back in New Zealand. Wise in many ways; but ignorant in the one that mattered.
* * *
I'll stay right here in your lap and you can stroke me till my skin comes off.
Grow up, act responsible, here's your scene, that's your cue.
Make up!
Questions, answers, dilemmas, decisions. Confusion.
Sex? Yes, please. Lots of it, I'll eat it straight away, no need to wrap it. Girl, boy? I don't know, does it matter?
Yes, it does... Franka. Dom.
Dom. Franka.
Dom.
Dominic. Dommie. Sblom. Dom.
DomDomDomDom...
Go screw that ring, I'm staying right here.
* * *
It's late that night when Dom wakes up. He has an unpleasant feeling in his legs, caused by Elijah's head lying in his lap, blocking off the circulation to his legs. He shifts, trying to get out from under Elijah without waking him up. He gently lifts Lij's head and removes his tingling legs, swinging them over the edge of the couch. He tucks a pillow under Elijah's head and the boy sleeps on, oblivious to Dom's movements.
Thirsty, Dom decides to head for the kitchen to get himself a drink of water. Standing in front of the sink, he greedily empties the glass he just filled and thinks of the angel on his couch. God, he so needs to be with him, to stay around beautiful Elijah and bask in the sunshine that radiates off of him, even though it would mean Dominic is left in his shadow. He doesn't care about that, he'll be in Elijah's shadow for the rest of his life if it meant that Lij would be his forever. He can shine for the both of them.
He slowly pads back to the livingroom, turns off the few lights he had left on and moves over to the couch. He looks at Elijah's sleeping form and sits down on the floor and studies him closely. With one finger he barely touches his soft darkbrown hair, a hint of the shower's dampness still there, then moving his finger to briefly touch his own lips. Elijah stirs slightly, grumbling a bit in his sleep and shifting his weight on the couch. After he has settled, Dom lifts his arm again, and with the back of his hand he gently touches the side of Elijah's face, softly stroking until he reaches his chin.
He repeats the motion several times, closing his eyes. So soft. Reluctantly, he removes his hand when Elijah adjusts his body yet again. Dom knows his couch is not the most comfortable place in the universe, but he doesn't want to wake Elijah up either. Not when he is so close to him, touching him like this. Lying completely on his back now, Lij's arm has moved so that it rests across his stomach. His bare arm is Dom's next center of attention. Again, he glides the back of his hand along the insides of Elijah's arm, still amazed by the general softness of Lij's milky white skin.
It reminds him of their actual first time together, when he had been living with Elijah in the little guesthouse behind his mom's place. That fucking unbelievable encounter had also started with him marvelling over Elijah's skin, much to Lij's embarrassment and his own amusement. In fact, it had taken him quite a while, starting all the way back in New Zealand, to convince Elijah of being a very beautiful, desirable, delicious young man, one that has not only wit and talent and intelligence to offer, but also a lithe, tight, fucking hot body. Dom secretly prides himself on coaxing Lij out of his post-adolescent self-consciousness and into more mature sexual awareness. Okay, okay, it did cause Confusion to become a part of their lives, but Dom is certain that that's merely a temporary living arrangement. Besides, Lij is becoming more and more capable of pushing Confusion to the back of his mind these days and enjoy his own body and what it can bring to him.
Like that one weekend, that had started out almost as today had, with a confused Elijah in his house, a crying one in his arms, and, ultimately, a daring, Confusion-free one between his legs. Franka had been away, filming, and Lij had been fretting at home. And in his first brave attempt at pissing Confusion off, he had come to Dom, had tried to talk about it, had become even more confused and had ended up giving in to what his body was telling him. If only Lij would do that more often, Dom thinks. It would work wonders. But there's always that fucking bathroom mirror in the morning...
He remembers that weekend like it was yesterday. They had fucked like there was no tomorrow, still without the notorious strings attached, but it had felt to both like they belonged. Elijah had bottomed for the very first time, assuring Dom that it really was what he wanted, displaying more trust in Dom and their relationship than he ever had before. "Take me," he had whispered, stretching his body, making Dom groan. "All of me."
* * *
"Relax," Dom says. "I won't hurt you, I promise." He is straddling Elijah's thighs and places both hands to the left and right of Lij's head. He leans in to kiss him, but Elijah takes control all of a sudden and thrusts his tongue viciously into Dom's mouth, again and again. It's a desperate, take-no-prisoners kiss and it leaves them breathless. Elijah's abdomen is sticky as Dom just blew him to kingdom come, but now that Dom's fingers are steadily circling his entrance, he feels his cock hardening all over again. "Go on, Dom," he breathes. "I want to feel you there."
After coating his fingers with a mixture of lube and Elijah's come, Dom pushes in gingerly, immediately gripped by Lij's tightness, realising that he will soon sink his cock in there. It makes him shiver and he tries to stifle a moan. "Don't," he hears Elijah groan. "Make your sounds; loud if you want to." He gives Dom a wicked, lust-filled little smirk. "Fucking turns me on." Dom grins back and adds a finger. Elijah's hips buck up and Dom tries to still them with his free hand. He pushes against the flat stomach, kneading, smearing Lij's come in all directions. His fingers find the sweet spot and when he brushes against it, he sees Lij's eyes roll back before he closes them, shutting Dom out, surrendering to the wave of feelings inside his body. He opens them again when he hears Dom's voice.
"More, baby?" he asks, still making the rhythmic movements inside Lij's body. His other hand has moved from Lij's stomach and is now caressing and weighing and gently squeezing his balls. "My god, you are so fucking beautiful." Their eyes lock for a moment, and it's there. Dom removes his fingers, positions himself, and carefully, very carefully, tries to press into Elijah. It takes a while before he is completely in, knowing he must be hurting Elijah after all, but it is Lij who keeps telling him to " move for fuck's sake", so he obliges and suddenly, he's there, no more space to fill. It's unbearable. The heat and tightness of this virgin entrance almost make Dom come instantly but he remains motionless for a while and - thank fuck - so does Elijah, who is desperately trying to adjust. He recovers. "Move Dom," Lij breathes. "Fucking move." And that really was all he needed to hear. He pulls out slowly, eliciting groans from the both of them, quite loud too, and pushes back in. Lij closes his eyes. He repeats the movement and the big blue eyes open again. Dom changes angle just a bit and pushes in once more, searching for his prostate. "Again," Elijah grits out, and Dom knows he's there. And he means to stay.
They don't last long, either of them. It is too new, too frantic, too desperate. But it is etched in both of their brains, and if Dom really tries he can still remember feeling Elijah's cock in his hand, pulsing with strong, irregular white spurts that cover his fingers and Lij's stomach all over again. And he just knows this is how it is supposed to feel.
With someone you love.
Chapter Five
Meet Confusion Index