Title: Within the Dark Night

Author: Regina Wren

E-mail: wren13 @ gmail.com

Fandom & Pairing: Janne Da Arc; ka-yu x yasu

Keywords: yaoi, romance, lemon

Rating: Adults
Words: 5,611

Status: Complete

Disclaimer: I don’t own these people, obviously, I just borrow them and make them do stuff. I’ll put them back mostly unharmed, I promise. ^_^ Having said that, this is a complete work of fiction; no harm is intended to anyone, and I’m not making any money off it. I only wrote this for my own entertainment and enjoyment.

 

Comments: This fic began as a challenge to myself to see whether or not I could write a lemon and turned into a major undertaking. After three plots, four false starts, about two-dozen drafts, going from raunchy to reflective to sassy to sweet in the process, and taking a year of rewriting, I finally came up with this little fic. *sighs in exhaustion*.

 

By the time I got through it, most of my friends had some form of input, so this is for all of you. For all my friends. I love you.

 

 

 

Within The Dark Night

By Regina Wren

 

 

 

Yasu stumbled against my shoulder as the taxi door closed behind us. I wrapped an arm around his body to keep him upright and slowly steered him towards the apartment’s entrance door. His head was sunken and vagrant bangs veiled his face even though the ponytail restrained most of his hair.

 

But at least he seemed more composed than he had earlier; when I’d found him at the bar he was a wreck. It wasn’t like I’d never seen Yasu cry before - hell, there isn’t much we haven’t seen about each other - but it was unusual for him to just lose it, so I was still shocked. He seemed so totally broken and in all the years I’d known him I’d never seen him fall so bad, or hit this low. Especially since he didn’t usually let himself get so attached to any woman.

 

But this one was different. As casually as he always talked about his relationships with women, I knew him better than that, and I knew he really did love this girl.

 

We all thought he’d finally be happy with her, and then she went and told him there was someone else.

 

I sighed inwardly, casting my gaze upwards to shake the hair out of my eyes. The sky was blank, the moon obscured, and the lights of Tokyo reflected dimly off the cloud blanket. There was no one else around here at this time of night, and the wind around the buildings sounded like a lonely shakuhachi with its haunting song. I wrapped my arm tighter around Yasu and lead him from the semi-lit courtyard into the bright entranceway of the apartment block.

 

“Yasu, where are your keys?”

 

The blond head rolled against my shoulder. “My pocket... somewhere,” came the vague response, but he made no move to try and find them.

 

I shifted my hold until Yasu was standing on his own so that I could reach his pockets. I never could figure out how he managed to squeeze his wallet, phone, cigarettes and keys into those tight pockets of his, given how I couldn’t even fit my hands into them.

 

He giggled when I started searching him. “Ka-yu, are you feeling me up?”

 

Ah, there they were! I snagged the keys triumphantly. “You’re drunk, Yasu. I’m bringing you home.”

 

He pouted as I opened the door. “‘m not drunk. Only a little tipsy.”

 

“Whatever,” I told him and steered him inside. Thankfully he didn’t argue the point, being too intent on walking for now.

 

But once we were in the elevator he slumped back against me. At least his melancholy seemed to have passed and now he seemed more tired than anything else. Though he still leant on my shoulder once we got to his floor, and when we stepped through his door into the somewhat spacious little place, he immediately plonked himself on the floor to get out of his shoes.

 

I switched on the main light and climbed out of my own boots, the light suddenly making the entire apartment less mysterious and more solid. From the way Yasu blinked at the sudden brightness, he seemed a lot more with-it than he had in the taxi. Maybe the walking had done him good, or maybe it was just the effects of the alcohol wearing off. I found myself wondering how much he really was drunk and how much of it was feeling low and being tired.

 

Once I’d closed the door securely, I turned to find Yasu reaching up to me.

 

“Help me up...”

 

I grabbed his arm to help pull him to his feet. He stumbled a little at the sudden change in elevation and slung an arm around my shoulders so he could use me as his pillar as he walked.

 

Not surprisingly as soon as he collapsed on his bed the strength drained from his muscles, fatigue leaving him sprawled limply across the mattress.

 

Light from the hallway painted a carpet on the floor of the otherwise dark room, only dimly lighting up Yasu’s figure, and for a moment I just watched the slow breaths slip from between slightly parted lips. One arm was thrown across his eyes, and a wisp of hair lay against the pale skin at his neck rippling with light when he swallowed. I swiftly stomped on the weird feeling in my stomach.

 

“You going to be ok?” I asked, glancing away and studying the curtains drawn over the window instead.

 

Only silence followed and I wondered if he had fallen asleep. I was about to leave the room when a low voice called my name.

 

When I turned back, Yasu’s eyes were fixed on me, a softly pleading, almost childish expression on his face. I knew better than to trust the sweet innocence those eyes pleaded, but it was enough to make me come back and crouch down by his side.

 

“Don’t go yet.”

 

I bit back a sigh. Did he know how utterly irresistible he could be when he wanted something?

 

Probably.

 

Dark chocolate eyes blinked at me from under strands of golden hair, and without thinking, I reached out to brush those strands out of the way. Yasu turned his face in to my palm like a cat seeking attention.

 

Again that weird feeling in my stomach that I wasn’t sure I wanted to either follow or ignore. Especially since now I had an inkling as to what was going on inside the devious blond head.

 

“Yasu...”

 

He almost winced, like he was expecting me to say something degrading, then he ploughed on determinedly before I could say any more. “Ka-yu, stay here for tonight... please?”

 

That silenced me. I knew what he was asking.

 

Despite all our flirting and jokes, we’d never actually crossed that boundary between friendship and a deeper relationship. Sure our playful teasing sometimes got physical, but nothing beyond some casual groping and a few harmless kisses. Besides, most of it was infront of a camera or on stage, all for the benefit of our fans, nothing serious.

 

He shifted over in bed, making room for two people.

 

Either I had to leave now, or join him.

 

His eyes were steady and focused on me, seemingly much more awake than he had acted in order to get me to help him here.

 

I suddenly wanted to ask about his now ex-girlfriend, and his reasons on going out drinking in the first place, but this didn’t seem like the best time for it.

 

But what did I have against getting into bed with Yasu anyway?

 

Nothing really, when I thought about it. I’d just never considered such a possibility, but given the option I certainly wasn’t averse to the idea. And the thought of just walking out on him didn’t make me feel particularly comfortable either.

 

My mind made up, I stood and climbed into bed beside him, obstinately ignoring the niggling voice that pointed out how quickly I’d come to my decision. Yasu gave me a happy smile - the first smile like that all day - and immediately that inner voice fell sillent. It may have been only a pale imitation of his usual cheer, but it was more than he had shown since the break up with his girlfriend, at least.

 

I let him pull the blanket over the two of us, and because we both knew how comforting it could feel to have someone’s arms there for you, when I offered him my shoulder, he nestled contentedly against it.

 

And I was right. It did feel good to have someone beside me again, I realised wrapping that arm loosely around Yasu. We were always so busy nowadays that there wasn’t much time for girlfriends, so it was no wonder none of our relationships with women ever worked out.

 

At the same time I had to smile at the golden head resting against my shoulder. I should’ve known by now, Yasu was persistent enough to pull anything off. Whether it was success in music or me sharing his bed, he always got what he wanted.

 

Silence claimed the room except for the sound of our breathing. Briefly I considered getting up and turning off the hall light, but I didn’t want to disturb the man cradled against me, so I let the thought go.

 

Other thoughts ran through my mind instead, like how far did Yasu want this to go? Or more pressingly, how far did I want this to go? Did I mind? No, of course not. That was an easy question to answer. I trusted Yasu and I loved him as a friend. And I certainly loved him enough to let him get closer to me than most people ever had.

 

But what about the rest of Janne Da Arc? How would it affect them if their vocalist and bassist got together? And what would happen if the media found out?

 

“Ka-yu?”

 

“Hm?”

 

Yasu stirred, shifting until he was leaning on one elbow so that he could look at me in the dim light. “Thanks.”

 

“For what?” For bringing him home? For not leaving him alone?

 

He shrugged slightly. “Just thankyou,” he said and lowered his eyes for a moment, wetting his lips self-consciously, before he looked up to meet mine again. “For everything.”

 

I was about to reply that it was no big deal, when his lips covered my mouth instead.

 

It wasn’t much different from all those times we’d kissed on stage, but the feeling behind this kiss was so much deeper, like nothing the two of us had ever shared. This was real, not just for show, and that made my insides twist weirdly.

 

I reached up to tangle my fingers in Yasu’s blond hair to bring him closer, and almost immediately I felt the relief go through him. I hadn’t even realised how hesitant he’d been about kissing me like this. Sometimes he obviously wasn’t quite as confident as he made himself seem.

 

For a long moment we just froze like that, our lips locked, neither of us quite willing to break away. Perhaps that was why I wasn’t particularly surprised when I felt a curious and daring little tongue poking its way between my lips. Not like it was the first time Yasu had kissed me like this, but I could almost taste the caution in his lips now. So I let that probing tongue slip into my mouth, entangling my own with his before he could change his mind.

 

His kiss now didn’t contain that fiery energy it had held when he’d kissed me onstage, but it wasn’t any less passionate being curious and gentle. Which was a little strange since gentleness was one thing I wasn’t used to from him. Not that Yasu was inconsiderate, just that he sometimes didn’t seem to realise where he stepped with those platforms of his. But it was certainly a nice change to find how loving he could be as well.

 

Finally we broke apart, though I didn’t let him go too far, my hand still cupping the back of his head, restraining him. No way was I letting him back off now. His soft breathing tickled my chin, eyes remaining closed for a moment longer.

 

Yasu sighed a little and I watched him open his eyes to focus steadily on me. “Ka-yu?”

 

I wasn’t going to let the moment be ruined by questions, so I interrupted him instead. “You taste good,” I said and pulled his head back down.

 

For a moment he smiled before our lips met again.

 

This time I didn’t wait for him and plunged straight into the warmth of that other mouth. If it surprised him, he didn’t let on, but responded keenly instead. How could I not answer that enthusiasm? The way he angled his head to better meld his mouth with mine, and hell, it felt nice to feel his tongue sliding against mine!

 

Just as I was relaxing to enjoy the kiss Yasu’s hand slipped under the fabric of my shirt to trail lightly over my stomach. My muscles twitched involuntarily at the contact and my mind reeled at the sensations that evoked. I felt his smile against my mouth.

 

“Yasu...”

 

A small chuckle. “Just lie back and relax.”

 

At the same time his wandering fingers brushed not-so-accidentally over my unpierced nipple and something akin to an electric shock radiated out from his touch to shoot through my chest. He had never had any qualms about groping or licking my body when he felt like it before, whether in public or not, but we’d never been in a situation this intimate before, and it made everything so much more powerful. Now I couldn’t help but wonder what getting even more intimate with Yasu would feel like, and that curiosity held me very still underneath him.

 

Evidently encouraged by the fact that I wasn’t stopping him, Yasu’s lips began to move. Wet kisses trailed over my jaw line and down my neck, his eyes lidded lazily, dark lashes curving lightly over the pale ridges of his cheeks. Any left over tension melted under those lips, and I wrapped an arm around his back, my other hand cupping the nape of his neck. His body radiated heat even through the fabric of his shirt, making me suddenly conscious of the warm flesh underneath it.

 

“Yasu?”

 

His mouth nipped at my throat. “Hm?”

 

“Why are you-?”

 

He silenced me with a kiss. If he was trying to distract me it was working. Whatever questions I had skipped my mind for the moment when I felt his warm lips loving mine with a curiously deep, caring passion. Fine, let him do what he wanted for now. I wasn’t going to interrupt him.

 

The pads of his fingers slid teasingly over my torso, his palm coming to rest in the centre of my chest, feeling my heartbeat and somehow that simple gesture gave me goosebumps. Bizarre to get that from him of all people, but I wasn’t complaining.

 

I caught his bottom lip between my teeth as he pulled away, and his hot breath sighed over my mouth. When I opened my eyes his lids were flickering, blond bangs falling over his brow and framing his face softly. Was this what women saw when they looked at him? What I saw now was deeper and infinitely more beautiful than the everyday face I recognised as the Yasu I knew. That thought made me pause.

 

Yasu’s dark eyes opened slowly to settle on me and I released his lip to let him pull back, and studied his face. How had he become such an attractive man without me noticing? Simple, I supposed. I’d never looked at him that way before, but suddenly I couldn’t shake it. Weird.

 

He watched me curiously as though trying to read my thoughts, and I moved my hand from his neck to touch his face instead. Yasu’s eyes widened a little at that. His voice was low, speaking quietly and seriously.

 

“I wasn’t sure,” he stopped, trusting that I knew what he was going to say, but I finished the sentence for him anyway.

 

“If I’d be open to you coming onto me?” I let my fingers slide into his hair, cupping his face gently but decisively. He looked so startled at my reaction I couldn’t keep from smiling. “You’re very sexy,” I told him, and for once I meant it.

His eyes flickered over my face - thoughtful - then he hummed in acceptance and I pulled him down to plant a kiss on the rosy lips. I could sense him letting go of the worries and confusion when he suddenly became very willing and compliant against me. Instead he relaxed into the kiss, his defences dissolving, eagerly kissing back. The fingers resting on my chest wandered casually over my skin, resuming their exploration, all questions forgotten.

 

Finally Yasu broke away, a tiny smile playing across his face. I knew that look. Now what was he scheming?

 

“Yasu...?”

 

His smile widened as he took the hand from under my shirt to press his index finger against my lips, eyes glittering mysteriously. Then he suddenly ducked to hover over my shirt and began unbuttoning it with his teeth. I watched him breathlessly. Where had he learnt to do that?

 

His fingertips returned to caress my middle, travelling from one hip across my waist, obviously enjoying touching my body like this as his teeth carefully moved lower. No doubt he knew exactly how much he was turning me on, judging from that confident touch.

 

That ticklish feeling was both coy and pleasant, his touch gentle but firm, making him seem attractively feminine, and yet still the same man I’d known since we were teenagers and there was a comforting familiarity in that.

 

Curious, I let my own hands wander lower and find their way under his shirt. With that barrier out of the way his body became suddenly incredibly inviting, the bare flesh positively sexual, and I pressed my fingertips against the soft planes of skin at his back. Smooth and even, but with solidly toned muscles below that, the way I had expected Yasu’s body to feel: fine and smooth, but undeniably masculine underneath.

 

A low hum came from Yasu, almost like he was purring and I had to smile. For a dog person he sure was acting feline tonight.

 

The fabric of my shirt finally fell away to the side, and I let go of him long enough to sit up so I could help get rid of it.

 

That was the only time I hesitated. Suddenly it hit me where I was and what I was doing and for a split second I almost backed out. In bed... with Yasu... letting him undress me...

 

Fuck it.

 

The greater part of me wanted more, and it wasn’t just that I was horny, though that certainly helped. I might never have been with a guy before, but I wanted this. Yasu, him seducing me; here, in the semi-darkness of his room. As for the rest of the world, they could go to hell if they didn’t like it. Although our female fans would surely love to see this.

 

The shirt fell to the floor somewhere behind me and I reached out to pull Yasu down with me again. We both grinned when my back hit the bed, and Yasu stretched out beside me, half covering my body with his, one leg resting between my thighs. Then his lips were on mine again, kissing me slowly and seductively, his bangs lightly brushing my face.

 

Automatically I wrapped my arms around him, one around his waist, sliding the other hand up his back, taking in the definitions of his body under my palm, the shapes of skin, muscle and bone, the feel of his body flexing alluringly. I happily let my mind go blank and gave in to simply feeling instead: he was so warm and the night air chilly on my bare skin.

 

Yasu pressed closer to set his mouth more firmly against mine, tongue tempting me out to catch him in a fervent kiss. One hand resumed roving confidently over my chest, almost like he was marking out unseen paths over the skin. His touch, unashamedly sensual, slid across my skin, slowly, as though memorising every square millimetre.

 

His shirt was being entirely unfair, I decided then, and reached for the hem. I let my fingers find their way under the material at his waist again, stroking the heated skin beneath.

 

Yasu’s back arched against me and I smiled inwardly at the way his muscles went taut at my touch. I spread my fingers against the hot flesh, feeling where the ridges of his spine marked out his back before my hands drifted upwards. Tracing the curves of his body, I pushed the shirt higher. His toned abdominals, his broad, muscular shoulders, the shoulder blades where he had said his wings would sprout from.

 

Soft sighs mingled in the space between our mouths while feather light kisses continued to bush across my lips. We were so close, letting each other explore our bodies, this erotic intimacy making us both a little breathless.

 

I nudged Yasu’s shirt up, exposing more skin and slipped my hands around his sides, finally running them up over his chest. I felt as much as heard his breathing hitch beneath my palms.

 

He pushed himself slowly up to help me pull the shirt over his head.

 

His skin was so white, almost luminous in the dark, the soft shapes of his muscles shifting as he flung the shirt off the edge of the bed. The blond ponytail fell against his back, bangs ruffled lightly around his face. I was kind of surprised to notice how attracted I was to him at that moment. Definitely a strange notion, but not as weird a feeling as I’d thought.

 

He sank against me again and my insides suddenly clenched at the thrill of our partly naked bodies pressed together. Yasu let out a hiss at the contact, his breath tickling the side of my neck. “You were supposed to lie still and let me seduce you,” he murmured against my skin, though he sounded rather pleased at the same time.

 

My arms were wrapped around him, hands relaxed against the warm body, enjoying how he felt this close to me. Now he pulled back slightly so that he could face me.

 

I grinned and consciously lowered my eyes. “I wanted to play too.” The words were full of obviously contrived remorse, and he poked me in the side.

 

“God, I finally get you into bed and turns out you have nothing against it after all,” he said and stuck his tongue out.

 

“Yasu, don’t stick your tongue out at me unless you intend to do something with it.”

 

He giggled impishly. Then without warning that one daring hand slipped under the front of my pants, and immediately I gasped.

 

“Ya… suu…”

 

“What? Should I stop?”

 

He watched me intently as I caught my breath all the time fully aware of the fingers crawling towards my nether regions. He blinked wonderingly at me, and I realised he was giving me a choice. He knew now I wasn’t opposed to seriously considering a relationship with him, but he wasn’t going to push me into anything either.

 

His hand had paused dangerously low, but not quite touching everything yet, and I reached up to brush a thumb over the pink lips our vocalist was known for. “No way.” I was too turned on to tell him to stop now. Instead I tugged at his neck pulling him down, and his mouth willingly met mine. Lips pressed close, eyes drifted shut, a kiss that sealed so much between us: friendship, trust, love. Whatever else had changed, we both knew the ties that ran deeper than that.

 

For a moment he withdrew those naughty fingers to teasingly skim the skin below my navel even as his leg shifted to press firmly against my crotch. That divine pressure made me instinctively move my hips against his.

 

We broke apart with a gasp, and he gave me a playful smile before wriggling in my embrace to kiss my chest.

 

Then his lips were moving lower, each kiss a new mark of himself on my body. His mouth wandered across my torso before his tongue stopped to toy with the piercing in my right nipple. Now that was arousing! Lacing the tip of his tongue through the silver ring, he tugged gently at the piercing, and his deliberate care successfully held my undivided interest. Just watching him, while at the same time feeling his bare skin against mine made me more than a little short of breath.

 

Just as well he quickly moved on, moving lower. His mouth left searing kisses down my chest, nipping affectionately, breath steaming over my skin.

 

The hot flush steadily creeping over me made me wonder if he was good at seducing people in general, or if this was just my lust speaking. But I was too lost in the moment to care either way.

 

At the same time, trapped in my clothing, my hard-on was becoming decidedly uncomfortable, and I was in no doubt that Yasu could feel it. He shifted now so that his body was resting firmly between my legs. Meanwhile his tongue dipped to play with the stud in my belly button and wandering fingers swiftly unbuttoned the top of my pants, before settling to teasingly stroke the tight bulge below that. Heat crawling over me chased away the cool night air, but the ache between my legs remained in the front of my mind, demanding attention and I tried not to shift restlessly.

 

Yasu finally stopped tasting my skin and rested his cheek against my hip, his fingers casually rubbing me through my clothing but applying no pressure. He looked as relaxed as possible, lazing idly against my hips, as though he had no intention of moving from there anytime soon.

 

That just wasn’t fair, to keep me waiting now.

 

“Yasu.”

 

“Yesss...” I could hear the teasing smile in his voice.

 

Damn it all!

 

“Yasu…” quit it… no, don’t stop… wait, that didn’t make any sense. “Stop playing with me,” I finally managed to say, and just for emphasis I added the most pathetic “please?” I could muster.

 

I should have known he wasn’t going to be taken.

 

“Hm…” he murmured, pretending to consider it, one slender finger tracing the line of my fly. “Tell me what you want…” he began in a singsong voice, quoting the English lyrics for seal.

 

I almost groaned. I knew what he wanted me to say, but two could play that little game of his. I certainly wasn’t going to do what he asked like I was his good little puppet. I made my voice sound as low and threatening as I could. “Yasu, if you don’t give me some kind of release right now, I’m going to make sure you regret it.”

 

He lifted his head to gaze up at me, blinking with feigned innocence. Then he pushed himself up on his hands and knees to crawl towards me until his face was level with mine. He studied me a moment before placing a quick kiss on my mouth.

 

“Ok. But only because I’m nice.” He said, smile dripping with cheeky innocence.

 

Even if I’d wanted to reply to that, his fingers undoing my jeans effectively diverted my attention. I could only collapse against the pillow at the feel of those fingers determinedly tugging at my pants, freeing my erection.

 

His hands on me sent an undeniable thrill up my spine. The cool night air had seemingly turned into summer sunshine and the warm body settling between my legs let me know Yasu was settling back down, fingers lightly stroking me. His breath on my cock shot nothing but pure want through my gut, and I bit my lip, a small gasp escaping involuntarily.

 

Carefully, his lips began planting warm, wet kisses on me, as though he were worshipping the flesh I had surrendered to him. And I simply lost myself in the affections of my friend and... lover? Or whatever the hell tonight made us.

 

Suddenly his tongue was travelling up the sensitive underside, slowly, relishing the moment, and I gave up keeping my eyes open, letting my other senses take over.

 

His tongue darted out to swirl around the shaft, full of snake-like sensuality, and each new motion of that loving tongue added to the throbbing heat that was building up in my body. I forced myself to keep still, bunching the sheets in my hands when I felt his tongue skim the tip. A trickle of sweat ran down the back of my neck, and I swallowed.

 

Even though I had been expecting it, it still made me gasp when Yasu suddenly took me into his mouth. That enticing mouth that had been teasing me earlier had suddenly turned to pleasuring me instead. And fuck, it felt good!

 

His mouth moved with a slow passion I’d never expected from him and I tilted my head back, breath escaping between my teeth.

 

“Yasu...” I felt him somehow loosening his throat muscles to take more of me in. Damn, I loved that mouth of his sometimes! He apparently had more than just a few skills I hadn’t known about.

 

Yesterday, the idea of Yasu blowing me would have seemed unbelievable and impossible, but now I wouldn’t be anywhere else. No, scrap that. I wouldn’t trade all of tonight for anything else.

 

Any further thoughts scattered under his attention. The way his mouth moved alternatively gently and firmly, made my breath come sharp and fast, while all I could do was lie back and enjoy it.

 

With Yasu’s whole attention on pleasuring me, I didn’t have any room for complaint. Sucking hard, pulling back, and then plunging down again, coaxing me closer to climax. That ache pooling in my groin built steadily, crying for escape. My muscles tensed. I was so close.

 

My mind spun when I felt his throat muscles suddenly tighten around me, and a second later I was spilling over in Yasu’s mouth.

 

I tilted my head back... for a few moments I wasn’t aware of anything else... just that warmth overflowing and my mind going blank...

 

Only when the world came creeping slowly back to my scattered mind did I breathe again.

 

Yasu’s bedroom... cool night air... faint play of shadows and light on the walls...

 

Orgasming left me slack and weakened and I closed my eyes again while I pulled air into my overheated body, any will to move completely drained.

 

I felt Yasu place one last kiss on me, one that felt strangely warm and affectionate, before he climbed back into my loose embrace. He reached out one handed to drag the blanket back around us, and I let a breath go as he shifted closer to me.

 

“Better now?” Yasu asked happily.

 

I struggled to follow his train of thought. Shouldn’t I be asking him that? He was the one who’d been depressed. But hung up in afterglow my brain wasn’t working too well. “Better than what?”

 

He smirked in amusement. “Didn’t you say you were going to make me sorry if I didn’t hurry up and get you off?” The way he said that made it sound at once sexy and deliciously dirty.

 

I leaned sleepily forward to kiss that wonderful mouth, traces of salt still lingering on his lips. “Thanks.” It was the only thing that came to my fuzzy mind.

 

He sighed and let his head rest easily against my shoulder.

 

All I wanted to do was drift off to sleep, but I couldn’t just yet. Call it Yasu’s influence, but I couldn’t let what was on my mind go before I didn’t have an answer, determined that he wouldn’t distract me this time. “Yasu?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

“How long have you felt like this about me?”

 

There was a stretch of silence as he deliberated before his low voice answered. “I don’t know... I only realised a few months ago.”

 

Months? My chest tightened.

 

“I wasn’t sure how you’d react,” he continued impassively. But his voice cracked on the next sentence as it had started to do lately when he mentioned his ex-girlfriend. “I tried so hard to make it work with Himiko. I tried to give her everything I didn’t think I could ever have with you. Hell, I didn’t ask to fall for one of my best friends, especially not when it’d probably fuck up the entire band!” His voice was rough and strained but he forced himself to steady it. “I guess I just got lonely tonight.”

 

Anyone else might have been surprised at this side of him so completely contrary to the public face he presented, but I knew very well the heart and mind that lay behind it. “I’m surprised you kissed me back rather than punch me in the head,” he finished a little wryly.

 

I smiled. “Yasu, we were friends before we ever became lovers,” that sounded strange when I said it, but it felt right somehow, “and that kind of attachment means more to both of us than the feelings of falling for a woman.

 

“And I’m sure the rest of the band will be ok with it. Surprised maybe, but they’ve known us for too long to argue with our choices now. Besides, it’s not like this is going to affect our music... except for you maybe writing more perverse lyrics...”

 

I heard him chuckle softly and after a few moments he lifted his head to face me again. “Thanks, Ka-yu. You’re a good friend.”

 

“And don’t you dare forget it,” I told him with a grin to squelch the cheesiness of the moment.

 

He laughed, the familiar smile lighting up his face like magic. In the dim room his hair glowed like a halo, and his eyes crinkled above his cherubim cheeks, the sparkle in them reassuring of the charm and humour Yasu was known for.

 

“Get some sleep. In four hours we need to go back to the studio.”

 

He flopped back against me with a groan. “That’s cruel.” But even as he said it, he reached across me to entwine his fingers with mine.

 

Locked together like that the hush of the night soon lulled us both to sleep, but not before I had promised myself to repay Yasu in the morning.

 

 

 

 

 

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First Completed 03.02.28

Last Rewritten 04.02.06

 

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The title was inspired by a poem from St John of the Cross. Yeah I know it’s about Christian spirituality, but at the same time it’s so heavily metaphorical that it could pass as a love poem between any two people at any time. I happen to like poetry, even though I’m not Christian; spirituality doesn’t have to have anything to do with religion, to me love is sacred in all its forms.

“Oh night thou was my guide

Oh night more loving than the rising sun

Oh night that joined the lover

To the beloved one

Transforming each of them into the other.”

I was reading it at the time and couldn’t get it out of my head. So deal with it. :p