Not Alone
By Elektra
(elektrasfic (at) yahoo.co.uk)
It was
quiet as Han Solo entered the apartment.
Too quiet,
he thought to himself. At the very least Threepio
should have been bustling around, and Leia had been
due home an hour ago. Instead he was faced with still darkness. Setting his datapad down on the hall table, he moved into the dark
living automatically moving to his blaster. He pulled it from its well area,
his hand worn holster, was in here, they'd be able to pinpoint his position. But then wincing at the slight sound. If anyone again, he
reasoned, if someone in here had missed the door opening, they deserved to be
surprised with a blaster bolt. Holding his blaster up for a quick shot, he
moved slowly over to the wall, scanning the surroundings as far as his limited
night Preparing himself for action, he flicked the manual vision would allow. light sensor.
Nothing. No masked assassins, no weird bodyguards. Just one empty apartment. But where the hell was his wife?
Still on his guard, he moved silently towards the sleeping quarters.
The short corridor had never seemed so long to Han. He paused at the small
cupboard he used to store what he thought of as 'spare parts' and what Leia insisted on calling 'rusted junk'. Positioning himself
to the side, he pulled open the door. Nothing but old circuit
boards and tools. Well that left the bedroom. He palmed open the door,
listening for the tell tale sounds of breathing. Taking a further step inside,
he pressed the light switch, scanning the room for movement. Still
nothing. He took a deep breath to calm himself, lowering his blaster. Relaxing he turned to his right and let out an involuntary yelp.
A pair of eyes stared into his. 'There's
someone here!' his mind raced as he unthinkingly brought the gun
up. A small part of his brain had just enough presence to recognize that
assassins weren't usually gold, droid shaped and frozen still in open spaces.
The thought hit enough neurons for his shot to graze the protocol droid's
shoulder and shatter an ornamental sculpture that he'd never liked anyway. Han ran a hand through his hair as he tried to calm his racing heartbeat.'You're getting old Solo,' he raged at himself. 'Whatever happened to 360 degree awareness?' Disgusted
at his lapse, and quite grateful there was no-one there to see it, he
re-holstered his blaster. That still didn't explain why Goldenrod was standing
in the middle of his bedroom.
Han reached around the back of the droid's neck, searching for the on switch.
The thing was actually quite tricky to find, despite Leia's
unerring accuracy in hitting it. Flipping the tiny lever, he sat down heavily
on the bed. Threepio jerked back into life, his
memory processors finishing the sentence he'd been speaking when he'd been shut
off.
"-stress Leia!" That got Han's attention.
So Leia had been home. But where the hell was she
now?
"Goldenrod!" The droid jumped at the
unexpected sound, one of its more human quirks. 'Great, so now we're even on scaring the hell out of each other.'
To be fair, the droid recovered far quicker than he had.
"Oh Captain Solo! I didn't reali-" The
droid was again cut off by Han's hand slapping firmly across his mouth.
"Where's Leia?" Han demanded, his voice
sounding too harsh in the stillness. True to form, the droid dithered.
"Why sir, I couldn't think. She seemed rather... out of sorts when she
returned here. I merely inquired as to how I could be of assistance, when she switch..."
"Yes, fine, thank you." Han was already halfway down the hall. He
ignored the plaintive "But General Solo!" that followed him, and concentrated
on finding his wife. He prided himself on knowing Leia
pretty well, probably better than she knew herself at times, so he knew she was
well and truly rattled if she'd disappeared. On the occasions when she'd been
upset or frustrated she would slam down the datapads
and throw herself into exercise, cleaning or more bizarrely, cooking. Anything
to keep herself occupied while her subconscious mulled it over. One thing he'd
learnt from knowing Leia Organa
through some of the worst times of her life - she didn't like being left alone
to think. It was almost as if all those years on the run with the Rebellion had
become some gigantic displacement activity, so long as she was immersed in the
here and now, she couldn't succumb to the 'what ifs'.
He headed for the turbolift, running lists of
possible hideouts through his brain. He rifled his knowledge of Leia gathered from five months of marriage, a year and a
half of what the Coruscant tabvids
called 'an immoral liaison doomed to failure' and three years of heated
arguments. Nothing sprung to mind as he stepped into the car and pressed the
button. She'd want somewhere quiet, where no-one would bother her. That ruled
out her office and Luke's place. He pulled out his comlink
as the doors opened, calling the Falcon. No answer. None at her office either,
when he called just to be sure.
He walked over to the desk droid, waving aside its cheery greeting. Damn thing
never saw enough people, so it was absolutely overjoyed whenever anyone wanted
to talk to it.
"Have you seen Leia Organa
Solo?"
"I'm sorry sir, no-one of that name lives here." Han cursed the
privacy programming that, although it kept their private lives relatively media
free, was bloody annoying when you were trying to locate a pint-size Alderaani on a planet that hosted 10 billion. Giving up, he
stalked out of the main doors, desperately hoping to catch sight of her weaving
through the pedestrians. Running out of ideas fast, he slouched against the
door frame, eyes scanning the four avenues that surrounded a small square of
parkland.
There she was.
If she hadn't still been wearing her white senatorial robes, he doubted he
would have spotted her in the darkness. She was sitting on a bench, not far
from the children's play area, knees hugged to her chest with her chin resting
on top of them. Han felt a grip loosen from his chest, almost as if her mere
presence enabled him to finally breathe. She was safe. He jogged across to the
park, avoiding the few speeders that were ferrying shoppers home, tired, happy
and a hell of a lot poorer.
Han saw her look up as he approached, a small smile playing on her lips.
Something was definitely bugging her. He stopped a short distance from the
bench.
"Hey," he offered quietly.
"Hey." Her voice was quiet, subdued even. In the darkness he couldn't
tell if she'd been crying. He moved over to her and dropped a gentle kiss on
the top of her head. Her hands slid round his neck, pulling him close as he
settled on the bench next to her. One arm wrapped firmly round her waist, while
the other softly caressed her cheek. Leia simply
leant into the embrace and closed her eyes.
"You had me worried for a moment." His voice rumbled across the small
space between them.
"Sorry." The answer was as much a breath as it was a whisper. She
pushed back a little from him so she could see his face. "I just needed to
think about something." He could see the uncertainty in her eyes, a
nervousness that hadn't been there since the night on Endor
when she'd sat him down and told him about her parentage. He'd held her then,
while she'd cried and raged. He'd told her he loved her, that
it didn't matter about Vader and Anakin and the Dark side. That the only
important thing was that they'd come through this together.
Oddly enough, he'd found it easy to accept. He was well used to the idea that
people were never what they seemed. That people became something else to
survive. Han the worthless street kid had become Han Solo. Anakin became Vader.
Leia Skywalker became Leia Organa.
He gathered his small wife to him again, sensing her unvoiced need for comfort.
He knew he had a protective streak a parsec wide, but he didn't think he could
live without his Princess.
"Anything you feel like sharing?" He saw her hesitate, then reach up to trace his features. He was sure there were
tears in her eyes. A pit opened up in his stomach, he couldn't think of too
many good conversations that were going to begin this way. 'Please don't let her leave me.' He saw
her take a deep breath, and steeled himself for the inevitable blow. He should
have known that a Princess and a guy like him was too
good to last. 'Don't let her leave
"Han, I'm pregnant." Her whispered reply barely registered at all. It
took him a few seconds to come out with the first coherent thought he could
find.
"Huh?" He knew his mouth was hanging open like an idiot. He saw the
corners of her mouth twitch upwards in a smile. Leia
leaned towards him confidentially, speaking slowly and clearly for the benefit
of her obviously impaired husband.
"Preg-nant. You. Me. Having baby." Han
could feel the enormous grin spread across his face, matched only by the warmth
spreading through his soul. In that moment of silence, the galaxy didn't seem
like such a bad place after all.
"Han, I'm scared as hell." The stark words cut through some of his
euphoria. He focussed his attention back onto the woman sitting beside him.
"Hon, with you and me as parents, this kid can't lose!" 'Wrong move Solo.'
Leia stood up and began pacing in front of him.
"Sweetheart," he entreated. She turned back to face him, now visibly
upset. He could see the tears about to fall, and moved to get up, but she waved
him back into place.
"I'm scared Han. I'm scared that I won't be able to cope with being a
mother. That our child will become a pawn in someone's
political game. I'm scared that the Dark side is always going to be over
my child's shoulder. That if I don't do everything exactly right then I'll be
responsible for inflicting another Vader on the galaxy. That maybe there's
nothing I can do to protect it from the darkness."
Her voice faltered. "That maybe this is something that I just wasn't meant
to do." She ran her hand over her face, wiping away the tears. Her last
whisper was defeated and sad. "Maybe I just can't."
Han stood and pulled her into his arms, almost crushing her in his embrace. He
could feel her sobs slowly come under control as he held her tightly, murmuring
soft endearments into her hair. He kissed the top of her head, inhaling the
scent of her hair. He whispered softly into her ear.
"Sweetheart, I'm no Jedi. I can't predict where anything will be next
week, let alone next decade. But I can promise you one thing." Leia's head came up to look at him, tears staining her
beautiful face. He ran his fingertips down her cheek, then
bent to kiss her lips.
"You'll never have to do this alone."