Common Mindhealing Dilemmas with Children
Elehu's Journeyman Project
Introduction
We are taught in the beginning to "Do No Harm", but what happens when you can't tell whether or not you are harming the other person? I believe this is one of the hardest obstacles we face when dealing with the minds of our children. There are symptoms that could indicate depression, but really indicates a learning disorder. How do you ask the child the right questions so you can find the correct answers? How do you go about remedying the apparent problems?
In most situations, the most important idea to remember is to keep an open mind, more easily said than done. This is just a precautionary warning not to fall into ruts, prescribing the same treatments for each child you come across, simply because they seem at first to be similar. Mindhealing is a slow process, from the beginning to the end.
Loss and Grief
Dealing with the loss of those closest in life is sometimes thought to be a natural learning process. However, these lessons can be rough, especially on a child. One of the most important thoughts to keep in mind is that adults and children deal with these events in very different ways. A child may experience grief in stages such as vulnerability (i.e.: nightmares, anxiety over separation, insecurity), shock, numbness, regression (i.e.: bedwetting, thumb sucking), disbelief or pretending that the death or tragedy never occurred, a noticeable lack in concentration, a preoccupation with death. In the end there may be a stage of acceptance and resolution, though notable dates such as Turndays, holidays and anniversaries may trigger slight relapses or emotional strains.
One of the most misleading concepts when dealing with a child and grief is that a person is helping him by softening the reality of the tragedy. However, this is far from accurate and may even be harmful to the child's emotional and mental healing. There is never a perfect moment for dealing with such events, but it is important not to wait too long, and when you do talk with the child, use plain and simple words. Instead of telling a child that her grandfather has "gone to sleep", instead simply tell her the truth. This will prevent confusion later on.
Allow the child to join in with the process of grief, such as ceremonial funerals, but only if he or she wants to participate; do not force the child. Let the child visit the burial spot to help him comprehend the loss and allow him that place so that he can share his grief with others. It is also vital to encourage the child to express his feelings and emotions, including anger, by means such as drawing pictures or writing letters that the child may want to leave at the burial spot. Encouraging a child to keep a journal or diary can also allow an outlet for pent-up emotions.
Depression
Symptoms of depression usually last for at least a few sevendays, so the first thing to be aware of is the length of time these symptoms have been observed. Children often differ from adults in the various symptoms shown, which is illustrated here.
In children a depressed mood will prevail, sometimes appearing as anger, feelings of worthlessness or guilt, noticeable weight loss or gain, fatigue, a lack of pleasure in almost all pastimes and activities, often displayed as boredom, abrupt agitation, a lack of concentration, and recurrent thoughts of death.
Please note that these symptoms usually appear in groups, so please make note of which symptoms are apparent, try to discover what may have caused these symptoms, and in contact with the child, attempt both to discover such causes as well to discover a remedy. Again, these symptoms will last for several sevendays, and will not usually alter much within this time. While it is vital to catch this condition, do not fall into the practice of using depression as a cover-all diagnosis. That can be in and of itself quite damaging, and we are to do no harm.
Methods of Therapy
Play can have several uses in children's therapy. Some children use play as a distraction from thinking about apprehensive feelings. While drawing or playing with toys children are able to talk about their issues and problems. This is often the case with older or more developed children. For younger children the play is metaphorical, used to express emotions and difficulties. These children often work through their problems with the play as the therapist observes and sometimes mirrors or joins in the activity.
There are quite a few items that may be helpful in such types of play therapy such as dolls, perhaps even doll furniture when available. This includes dolls of both genders and all ages when possible. It may also be helpful to include items from various crafts, such as a listening tube, a toy shovel or pick, stuffed animals, toy runner harnesses or plows. Hand puppets, play marks, clay, various art supplies and maps have also been known to bring out interesting responses.
Attention and Behavioral Problems
It is my opinion that attention and behavioral problems are among the most misunderstood dilemmas with children. Adults often become easily frustrated and look for the easiest and least complicated solution, when the reality is that such problems are often quite intricate and involve a number of different remedies, not just one cure-all.
Remedies to these problems can run anywhere from a change in diet to needing constant supervision. For instance, a child who falls asleep when sitting for a half-hour or more may need a more nutritious meal. Sometimes children who are overly aggressive are suffering from a high sensitivity to elements found in fruits such as oranges, redfruit, and berries.
Here are just a few situations and possible solutions, but please don't use this as a remedy chart. Every child is different. I am simply trying to pose some potential situations for you to ponder:
Some children may benefit from learning "self-talk", reminding themselves to slow down and relax when they begin to tense up. Self-talk can also be sued to help children organize themselves and complete everyday chores or even complex tasks. This can also be used to teach the children positive phrases to repeat to themselves. "I'll never get it right" can be replaced with "I can get this if I keep trying".
Other children may simply lack a sufficient amount of motivation. In this case, it is often beneficial to find activities or objects that interest the child. For example, if he or she is having trouble learning the Teaching Ballads, try using puppets.
If a child will not sit still or pay attention, let then run around! Short, controlled physical exertion at various times throughout the day will often help quiet the child, letting him pay better attention with his mind as his body refuels.
Music can often be an extremely helpful too with children, as our Harpers well know. Certain types of music can help a hyperactive child concentrate, an angry or frustrated child control his temper, or simply help a child sit down long enough to relax and recuperate. (Have you ever taken a look in the Children's Ward in a hospital?)
Also, don't forget the use of color. Color is one of the first things young children learn to identify, and they quickly form ideas of their favorite colors. Find out what the child's favorite colors are, and stay away from using the least favorite. Use colorful pictures when describing something, and let them learn their letters with colored paints and inks.
If a child quickly loses interest in the task at hand, try mixing up text/ballad types of lessons with hands-on exercises.
Sometimes children who are having trouble socially simply don't understand how they /should/ be reacting. Many times children are told not to do something one way, but an alternative is never mentioned. Try role-playing between yourself and the child, bringing up common situations in which the child must learn how to correctly react, and in a positive manner.
Finally, it can be quite beneficial to figure out just how the child learns, and by encouraging the child in the related activities. Is it:
Linguistic: a primary use of words, suggested by a delight in reading and writing, listening to or creating stories, and in memorizing facts
Logical/Mathematical: a high level of reasoning in math and science, ease with logic games and an attraction to logical patterns (OOC note: such as "One of these things is not like the others" for those of us who grew up with Sesame Street)
Spatial: use of pictures and images, shown by a talent in drawing, or at least a strong desire to do so, depending on the age, ease in remembering visual details and a tendency to describe events in a visual or metaphorical manner, and an interest in picture puzzles
Bodily: interest in more physical skills, likes hands-on activities, including roleplaying, may be good at athletics, and has a tendency to pace when memorizing
Musical: interested in melody, tone and rhythm, listening to music, sometimes has a pleasant singing voice or catches on quickly with instruments
Social: able to get along well with others, usually has many friends, shows empathy and usually cooperates well
Self-knowledge: has a good sense of personal strengths and weaknesses, has self-confidence, sets future goals, and reflects on past experiences
Conclusion
Please keep in mind that this is a general account of situations and certain treatment that have been used. If further explanation is needed, please contact Elehu of the Healer Craft.
Resources:
If you have any questions regarding this page please email me at [email protected]