The Casket Lottery
Survival is for Cowards
01. Code Red
Do you feel sorry for yourself when you make the same mistakes, tracing your boy’s hands. Yeah, we all have regrets, and we all can make mistakes. Tracing these old plans is code red. Have you ever felt so bad when you’re hiding in your room, and you can hardly get out of your bed? You’ve got your hands behind your back. You’ve given up. Yeah, we’ve all been there. We know how it goes. When you’d rather disappear, then you might as well be dead. Even I’ll be holding on when the days get too long, it’s hard not to just hold on. You hope that it’s the end, tomorrow it starts again, and it’s impossible to be strong. Even I’ll be holding on to the times it all seemed gone, when all the problems seemed solved. Days your back breaks, and only black is in your heart, even I’ll be holding on.
02. What I Built Last Night
(Oh me of little faith) offer nothing to believers, but words. Whether the hand of God, or the work of the Devil. The burden is upon my shoulders. (All these words whispered in my ears) nothing is sacred for we are all sheep (all these words whispered in the air). I’m not the shepherd by any means, I’m merely the man with schematics for building the bridge. Sacrificed by my hands.
03. The Bridge
Uncle Jack, when I look back. Sent a lot down to me. My mom would say we both seemed to be the life of the party. He was a picker, and a drinker he took one step over the edge. A drinker, and he ended up with some debt I guess. Nobody knows. Nobody ever told what really happened. The river was swollen when they found him in it. And it rained all weekend on the bridge (leaving town). This is how I see it, this is not something I was told, I envision it to be dark, wet, and cold, if he jumped, or if he fell no one knows, but I’ve got a different picture for each one of those. I was a baby and we never really met, it’s really sad I guess. He was a musician just like his nephew and if he could of I would’ve wanted him to teach me. But all I ever got from him, my uncle jack, was his need to stop drinking.
04. For Apples
Late at night lately, it seems like you need me. But just maybe that’s my hope speaking clearly. It would be nice to be a necessity. But just someone you see before you sleep is good enough for me. Sometimes I say something wrong, I know it. I stand on you fault lines and set you off. I’m sorry if I ever wasn’t honest. It’s just me, I’m afraid, I guess. There are some problems with our problem solving if our time feels wasted. If I can take the time to find solutions, I will take it. I lie awake at night and I watch you sleep, sometimes I wish these night would just go on and on and on and on. But late at night lately, it seems like you hate me, but just... Don’t’ walk out like that! Don’t leave mad, there are some things we need to work out, just come back. Come back.
05. Searchlights
Searchlights cut through our night sky, searching for the sun. Sirens scream through the city streets, hurry someone help someone help someone. O... Over and over it goes... You’d think we deserved a break. Searchlights come out every night, searching for the dawn. Same old night sees the same old crimes, constantly harming someone. O... Over and over it goes...
06. Getting By
Have you seen my home? I’ve been lost for days. All this dust it sleeps with me on this bed made from pain. And you walk on by, you think I’m crazy and I am. I can hear what you’re thinking. Yes I can. “Hold on.” Don’t’ you know who I am, I’m your brother, I’m you friend. It’s been years since you left me. Since you ran away. And you walk on by. You think I’m lost and I am. I can read your thoughts. Yes I can. “Hold on.” But survival is for cowards who try too hard. Living, and breathing, and just barely getting by. I live by my terms, and I’m alright. Contrary to believe, I’m fine. Let go.
07. Since You
Can you see those lights? That’s where I live. Or should I say since you, that’s where I lived. Sometimes at night when the tower starts flashing red, and there’s no one else in my bed, I like to pretend you’re here. I try to pretend you’re here. I’ve heard that shit about how its always darkest before the dawn, and it’s always calmest before the storm, but I can’t believe you’re gone, can you believe I’m gone? I understand you had to leave. Believe me sometimes I think, that it was up to me. But I can’t believe you’re gone, can you believe I’m gone?
08. Sick
Don’t waste my time telling me I’m fine. These days, when I act like this, makes it hard to tell whether or not I’m a mess. You said, “don’t worry, don’t bother, the doctors.” Have you seen the decline of me since I walked back through that door? Maybe it’s only obvious nights I pass out drunk on the floor. Maybe not. But don't waste my time, telling me I’m alright. These days when I act like this ought to prove the fact that I... I’m sick I’m sick I’m sick. You said, “don't worry, don't bother, the doctors.” Have you seen the decline of me since I walked back into this life, maybe it’s only obvious when I start in on you every night. Maybe it’s time to change the locks, and hide myself and untie myself from you. Maybe it’s better if I leave and tough it out, find a cure, pay my dues.
09. Leaving Town
Every time we talk you bring it up, and you get yourself down. Every time you talk I want to rush over, and shut your mouth. It’s these little things lately that sweep me off of my feet, you knock me down for days with these little things. Every time we talk you start to cry as if I’m just about to leave.
10. Heaven Help Me
Heaven help me please. This could be the day I die. Someone tell me am I even alive. Tell me I’m asleep. Only fear holds me tonight. And it’s a wonder if I survive. With all the noise I’ve heard I just know someone’s in my home. And all the doors are locked but the spare key seems to be gone. In the morning I can laugh it off, if in the morning I’m alive. These are things I think when the evening news runs through my mind. Heaven help me please, but do the thing you must to keep me in line.