sometimes you don't realize
how lonely you are
til you sit on the sidelines 
of the club and watch
everyone dance and socialize
while you continue to sit alone
away from everyone
feeling darker and more misunderstood
and hurt than anyone there can imagine
completely untouchable....

*Lectra

I sit in this Holy place
beautiful, golden
in all it�s hand-painted care
worship all around me
the Spirit creeps in
and opens my heart wide open
it tears down all my walls
of self protection
the ones that hide all my pain
my disappointment
my facades of happiness
and I sit and ponder it all
and mostly I think of
my love lost...
my family...
my children...
my heart aches...
and I pray for them all

and then I weep...

*Lectra

deeply intense and destined for tragedy
star crossing loveless journey ends
...lost in monotony...
...lost in monogamy...
news of papers breaking sorrowful eternal bonds    
tears running down twisted phonecord
pooling in regret
then silence...
bitter rivals endless friends
say goodbye
 ...gone for neverend

*Lectra

Look into my loving eyes
As you rip out my heart
Already scarred & bruised
You hold it up
Blood dripping from your hands, to the floor
Examine my pain
Of years gone past
Then looking down at me
Seeing my tears of agony
You try to replace it
Ripping it more as you fumble
Dropping it
Putting it back in my chest
Torn and battered now
But when you do
You forget what ventricles go where
It's crooked and blood spurts from it
Stitched unevenly & unclean
Aching to forget
That horrid night
It was violated
Waiting for healing 
But infection grows
Keeping me closer to Death
Growing cold
Then beating faintly
Waiting to be cut out
Thrown to the floor
And stomped on again
Yearning to be put out of my misery

--Electra

I�m tied up
And bound
 By your love
Wings clipped
 Unable to fly
Suffocated
 And gagged
Drained of all life
Starved for understanding
No more joy
Hope is almost gone
I�m blind
 And you stand in the way
Of the Light
 Of my God
You keep me this way
Too afraid
 Too insecure
Of losing me
 Of being alone
But I can not love you this way
I have nothing to give
Please
 Set me free

--Electra

Pain
Hurting seeds formed
In the soil of discontentment
Fertilized daily
With more confusion
Growing slowly & steadily
Until bitterness pods develop
And leaves of resent
Of disregarded selflessness given
Watered with raised tones
Neglected of Godly fellowship & worship
Rays of miscommunication 
Beating down maliciously
Churning for months on end
Brewing in feelings of victimization
And on and on until...

The flowers of hatred weild their ugly head

What else could this harvest?

--Electra

Where is thy joy of life?
Thy peace overwhelming? 
Where hath it gone? 
The warmth of its touch 
Its inner sweet tingle 
Soothing thy soul
Diminishing the depths 
Of thy sorrow 
Come back to thee 
Thy Blessed hope Of happiness ever after 
Come back to thee 
This cold and wretched emptiness 
Ever longing for thee
Ever waiting for thee 
For thy starry brightness 
Glistening in the moonlight 
Once again 
Come to thee 
Never retreating 
This helpless being 
Come to thee 
Everglowing 
And rest eternally with thee

-Electra

If anyone should be afraid
It is you
What protects you?
The angels
 Of darkness and lies?
They consume you
 And in the end
They will destroy you
They will drag you
In the pit
The pit of fire
In hell eternally
You will burn
 Burn for the pain
You have given me
Hurting one of HIS chosen
A child of Light
And trying to destroy it
Oh, yes
 You should have fear
For in the end
You shall feel
God�s wrath
Or do you feel it now?

--Electra

I'm angry, and I'm screaming
but no one seems to hear me.
I'm writhing, and I'm dying,
but no one ever sees me.
I'm envisioned, and I'm straining,
but no one ever frees me.
I'm grabbing, and I'm gripping,
but no one stops my slipping.
Slipping into darkness,
Fading into nothing.
All I am is in my hands,
and both my hands are empty.
A slander slowly festers,
trapped beneath the skin.
Maybe you could heel it, 
if I'd only let you in.

    --Gwentomnion

Darkness encompassing
Suffocating my will
My ambition
Searching for the light
The Truth
Screaming into the darkness
�God help me!�
Yet no answer comes
Only hollow echoing walls
Silence
-Wait-
A voice inside
-Patience-
A glimmer of light
In the distance
A spark of hope

So far down
In this dark pit
Afraid to climb out
Fear of change
Losing what stability I have
Fear of disappointment
Seemingly never-ending
The voice again
-Focus on the Light-
-Persevere-
-Hold on-
-Just a little longer-
-My little one-

But how much longer can I hold on?
I�m falling further everyday
Please come quickly, Lord
Save me from this desperation!
Save me!

--Electra

Death
Perched on my shoulders
Claws deep in my back
Whispering to me
Luring me in
So much pain
Images in my head
-CONFUSION-
Knives at my wrists
Blood flowing
Death
Drawing me in
Closer to it
Overcome with suffering
Pit of Despair
Yearning for it to end
For release
Calling up to Heaven
Pleading for Mercy
But finding no peace
Oh, Jesus!
Save me!

-Electra

I see right through you
The evil that is inside
Darkness you  cover with light
I see it all
You  can't hide it from me
I have the truth
I know what it is
Goodness  & Life
And you will never know it
You  only know Deception & Lies
You  only know Death
Stay far away from me
For  I want nothing of you
I want Christ

You wish to destroy me
To take away my Joy
I won't allow that to happen
I am too strong for you
For Christ is my strength
And my shield
My hope & my future
My future without you

-Electra

I would like to tell you life is pretty and free,
Full of things that ultimately fill and enlarge the heart and soul
But I have found environments and people to be disappointing and tragic,
Sandstone left under a universal waterfall, 
Now nothing but a dripping,
Flippant outlook of pointless, fanciful, yearning snakeshells
that litter an old, tiring landscape of fool�s preponderances,
And unrequited hope�
For something new and defiant of crass society�s disdain toward lasting love,
For something earnest to throw into private holes in backyards
They�ve dug for themselves and their grandchildren,
Who are launched into a future neither bright nor thoughtful of life,
Even for the life that cautiously brought forth their own.

I would like to tell you to trust your instincts, for their inherent blessings,
To provide for yourself research and knowledge to thrust you
 and your fellow human
into lands uncared for and heights unthought of,
with dreams realized and fury
but I have found my mental capacity and the extreme intensity of my peers
to be lacking the basic tools to improve their own surroundings,
as they turn to me and each other for truth and meaning,
health and good will,
and the spotless serenity of a positive peaceful existence�
this paradise imagined in their furthest excursions from reality
as the answer to cosmic disarray,
this supernatural attainment held overhead by infinite hands,
dripping with love beyond limits of natural explanation,
like the sunsets (cemented inexplicably in the sensual reality),
that fills, worldwide, the summation of tribes and cultures
during daily empty moments�
like the image of a flower, mathematical and chemical,
that so entices each eye and nose
with the beauty repeated by hand and machine, 
and the whispering tree gusting
leaves that remind us of serenity, lulling, waves in our womb.

These things that are answers,
Aside from themselves,
Explanations of sorts: how, where, and why we are
And who we�re going to, whence,
With the fear of nothing or glorification of silence,
Or sitting alone by the ocean in old age.
Love is an idea we have touched, ecstasy a concept we have grasped;
But
Future and ultimate control are like birds without wings
And tonsils, pain and death�
Certain and reasonless, valuable and uncertain,
Beyond the talons of the birds we�ve so carefully trained.

--Blakdophin

There�s a barbed wire raking against my skin
A barbed, bloody desire that�s closing in
A want, unquenchable, that comes to destroy
To carve out life and leave void
The barbs thrust in to draw blood
To torture hearts, to finish love
To leave us barren, alone and dead
As we struggle to keep these barbs unfed
And deep inside myself, I know
So far deep down it hurts to go
I wrap and pray it doesn�t pierce
To drain my soul from deepest fears
So pray lust will never win
Cause I�m choking myself with barbed wire again

--Jacob

SEARCHING SOULS SOUGHT SOLACE HERE