Mormon 9:13-14

I'm going to do something a little different this week and try to get a little interactivity going on this site. I've set up a guestbook so people can post their own thoughts and ideas. I'd like to get things started by referring to this week's scripture. It seems to me that something very important is stated here. You'll notice that it doesn't simply say that the righteous will be happy and the filthy unhappy; rather, it talks about righteousness, filthiness, happiness and unhappiness as separate and distinct.

Now I realize of course that the wicked can never truly be happy (Alma 41:10), and that the righteous are blessed with happiness along with many other things (Mosiah 2:41). However, it seems to me that in addition to this, we need to learn to be happy with what we have and where we are. That is, if I am so constantly focused on growth and achievement that I can never appreciate where I am already at, then I will still be that way even when I return to my Father. My thought is that Heaven will be a place of happiness because we who have learned to live after the manner of happiness (2 Nephi 5:27) are there.

So now, my thought and question is this: what is living after the manner of happiness? What makes one person happy when another is miserable? What makes you happy? If you'd like to respond or put out any other thoughts (or read the thoughts of others), the links are provided below. I hope to hear from all of you, and I plan to post to the guestbook myself as well.

Ether 6:4

Looks like I'm doing a little more different this week. Fortunately, class let out early today, giving me the chance to write this.

First, I want to clear up some confusion and misunderstandings I've spread by being so vague and secretive all the time. I've already had conversations with many of you, but I want to make sure I've explained everything to everyone.

Let's start with the situation with this young woman whom I have mentioned. First, she is not anyone who is currently visiting this site (unless she got the URL from someone else without me knowing it). While I may eventually give her the web address, you could probably understand, considering what I have been writing recently, why I might wait on that for a little while.

Also, I want to explain that I have made no firm decisions either way regarding her. I have not decided to definitely try for a relationship with her, but I have not definitely decided to let everything go, either. She is a good friend, and I would hate to lose that friendship. For now, my thoughts are more along the lines of letting her know how I feel and having the chance to talk about it so neither of us has to be completely uncomfortable around each other. I know that on my end, the most miserable experiences I have had recently have been having to second guess every thought and word that comes to my mind for fear of making her want to avoid me. I would really need the opportunity to get to know her better before I could make any firm decisions. Since she lives so far away, that's unlikely to happen as well as I would like, but you never know...

Now I know I've been pretty dramatic (more like melodramatic) about everything these past few weeks, and I apologize for that. I'm really not used to caring about someone so much, and have no real experience dealing with those feelings as an adult. In short, I still have a lot of growing up to do. Thanks to all of you for being so patient with me during this time.

Now, about today's scripture: it is related to this situation somewhat, and also to other issues I've been dealing with the past few days.

I've had a brutal week, and life has been very hard to live. Of course, my difficulties have all been in my head and heart, but for an obsessive person like me, that's where the worst difficulties are always at. Yesterday, the troubles and pains suddenly slipped from me, like a fever that had broken. I felt as though the Lord were covering me with His hand (Exodus 33:22), and sheltering me from my troubles. I also felt very tired inside, and very grateful for the rest. I then had a very busy day, full of hard work until I finally got to bed at about 11:00 (which is way too late when I get up at 5:30, but oh well), so my mind was kept off my troubles.

This morning, I think everything that has been happening finally got through my thick skull, and I found myself before the Lord, offering up the intents of my heart. I realized the awful pride I have allowed to rule me for so long. I realized that not only do I need to let that young lady know how I feel, I need to apologize for how miserable I've probably made her over the last year as I've wrestled with my feelings. I also realized that I am far weaker then I ever could have imagined, but have been trying to live too much of my life by my own strength (that's the awful pride I mentioned).

So I am repenting of that pride. I have laid my burden at the feet of the Lord, and will let Him fight the battles. I will let Him do with my life as seemeth Him good -- and that's exactly what I told Him.

Then when I turned to my studies this day, I found the account of the Jaredites' travel to the Promised Land. After commending themselves unto the Lord, the Lord caused a "furious wind" to blow them toward the Promised Land. Many times their vessels were completely submerged under the water, but because they were airtight the people inside were safe. They praised the Lord in song and prayer even until He delivered them to the shores. I expect that my journey through the next weeks and months will be much the same. My Promised Land is an eventual marriage in the House of the Lord, but there are many things in my life and in myself that need to change before that can happen. There is much I need to learn before I am worthy of the blessing. With Him in control, however, I know that I will arrive at those blessed shores in due time. Be it soon or later, I will be grateful to Him for not only the arrival, but the journey as well.

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