Cold Sesame Noodles

This is a cold noodle. I never thought I'ld like cold noodles, but my wife says they are a popular summer food in northern China. In any case, I really, really like this particular noodle. I reverse-engineered the recipe from a Giant Food store after I figured I was spending more than $20/week buying already made noodles from them. Mine don't taste exactly like theirs, but they're pretty good. THIS CAN BE VERY SPICEY!

What do you need? 1 carrot 7 green onions sesame paste sesame seeds black bean sauce soy sauce black soy sauce (THIS IS NOT SOY SAUCE) [optional] chili paste (or chili sauce) garlic powder ginger powder cilantro sesame oil (i prefer hot sesame oil) 1 package of linguine noodles rice vinegar First set the water boiling to cook the noodles. Keep watching these danged noodles...don't set your bloody house on fire. Second cut and cook vegetables for dressing: cut carrot into strips, or grate it cut the green onion into 1/2" pieces put a few tablespoons of the sesame oil into pan and heat. add the carrots....cook until almost tender. Be sure to toss them or stir them frequently. When they are almost ready, add the onions. cook for maybe 30 seconds more, then remove from heat. Third make the dressing to put on the noodles: in a large bowl, mix: 3/4 cup rice vinegar (according to taste) 2-4 full tablespoons of sesame paste (according to taste) 1-2 tablespoons of black bean sauce (according to taste) 1-2 tablespoons of soy sauce (according to taste) 1 tablespoon of black soy sauce (according to taste) 1/8-1 teaspoon of chili sauce (according to taste) 1/4 teaspoon garlic powder (according to taste) 1/4 teaspoon ginger powder (according to taste) 1-2 tablespoons of cillantro (according to taste) Mix these ingredients with a spoon until they are kinda smooth. Mix the the ingredients from step two into this and stir more. Fourth when the water for the noodles is at a heavy boil, add the noodles and cook for whatever time it says on the package (usually around 8-12 minutes). Just cook them however you like them. Use regular spaghetti noodles, if you prefer. When the noodles are done, empty them into a collander and put them under COLD water until the noodles are completely cold. Then set them aside and let the water drain off completely. Fifth In a dry, UNGREASED SKILLET, place 1-4 tablespoons of uncooked sesame seeds. Shake the skillet gentley to spread the seeds around kinda evenly. Turn the heat on low-medium. WATCH CONSTANTLY. As the seeds cook, shake them a little continuously. When they are kinda dark, dark yellow or brown, then they're ready. TURN off the heat. Sixth Add your noodles to your dressing and toss your cooked sesame seeds on top. Mix it all together and put it in the refrigerator to cool over night. This is one of my favorite foods. Don't forget to turn your stove off so you don't burn your kids our house or self. And be sure to use a clean kitchen and clean utensiles so you don't get food poisoning. And be sure to turn the water off so you don't drown and nothing else nasty happens to you. I apologize for treating my intelligent readers like idiots, but the way the laws of the land are these days, it seems that people don't have to take any responsibility at all for their own actions.

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