Depending on her mood, Lena could shatter you or hold you together. On a good day, she could have you wrapped around her helpless little finger. On a bad day, she could tear out your heart while making you fall in love with her. I met her on a bad day.

I met Lena at a party I didn�t want to attend but I owed it to the friend who was hosting. She struck me as self-absorbed and cold, wielding her infallible intellect like a sword. Within moments of meeting her, I found myself drawn into a conversation about God knows what, some bit of history misdocumented by the textbooks. A thousand historians had it wrong and she could prove it.

Something I said gave her the fight she itched for. Watching her change, flipping from ice to fire so damned fast I thought it had to be my imagination, knocked me flat. Suddenly, she was in full lecture mode, shooting off obscure bits of information that no one ought to know and how they proved her point. I could only sit there, dumbfounded, arguing with her to keep that fire in her midnight eyes. She was gorgeous mad.

I had always thought myself immune to women but this changeling had me thinking in terms of forever within moments of meeting her. I had never wanted to be tied down, more than happy to play around, and Lena came with chains not strings. I found I didn�t care. I had to have her in my life. I needed this snow-capped volcano, this woman who could bring me to my knees.

When she started for the door, I picked another fight but she was insistent. Without thinking, I followed her. She looked at me but said nothing. Every time I opened my mouth to say something, I would look at her and the words would die on my tongue. Nothing seemed right, everything I wanted to say had been said a million times by far better poets than I.

She led me into the early morning quiet. I waited for her to tell me to get lost but those words never came. Instead, she walked into a little all night diner. Without saying a word, she invited me for coffee. Once ensconced in the red vinyl booth, my tongue decided to come back to work. We talked until dawn, about everything and nothing. I looked at her and saw snippets of the future we could have. The life, the home, the children. I couldn�t let the chance to have that slip through my fingers. I knew then that I would do anything to keep her, even if it meant infuriating her for the rest of my life.

Before I understood what I had begun, Lena encroached on every level of my life. Little touches of hers appeared in my home, in my office, in my closet. The bed that held so many fond memories of one-night romps found itself tossed away in favor of a pristine special order bed, sent from Lena to accommodate my height. A framed photograph of us was conjured onto my desk. Her clothes roosted in my closet, breeding in the dark, expanding their colony.

It wasn�t until her mail started coming to what I�d once thought of as my apartment that I realized we were living together. By that time, it didn�t matter. I needed her more than I needed air. She was everything to me. A spirit that haunted my dreams, my thoughts. Lena had become an addiction. The very thought of a day without her sent me into withdrawal.

Walking into the jewelry store, I nearly turned back. Buying little trinkets and apology presents was one thing but shelling out a small fortune for a rock to go with the chains, that was real. That was the big C, leading to the bigger M. That was HUGE. It was the one thing in life I never aspired to be - someone�s husband. Even thinking the M word had often been enough to send me running for the nearest bar, on to the next conquest. Not this time.

I took great care in setting the mood that night, candles scattered over every surface, vases full of flowers, and a gourmet dinner delivered from one of her favorite restaurants. She came home and I will never forget the look on her face, a cross between a startled rabbit and a suspicious feline. My voice rebelled. I had no words. The carefully prepared speech flew out of my brain. I couldn�t bring myself to wait until dessert. Dropping to my knee, I held open the jewelers box revealing the diamond nestled in the velvet. Her reaction was not what I had expected. There were no tears of joy or shouts of rapture. Lena took one look at that ring and without saying a word, plucked it up and slid it on her finger.

She never actually said yes.

Here I am, standing at the altar, waiting for the processional to start. Before the eyes of God and man, I am about to make one of the biggest leaps of faith I will ever take. Two small words, so innocuous yet they hold the power to shape a life, two or three lives if there are children. Part of me can�t help but wonder if this is real, if she will actually step through the doors in the back of the church. I keep cycling back to the fact that she never said the words, she never promised me anything.

My heart doesn�t settle as the music begins. The thundering is louder than the orchestra. I find myself glancing over at my best man, the friend who threw the party, and wondering how it is that he can�t hear it too. On cue, the doors open and the flower girls start their march, scattering the petals of wildflowers along the path. With each bridesmaid, my nerves jump higher, my heart pounds louder. By the time the maid of honor is standing at the door, I know the whole church can hear my heartbeat.

Then there is Lena.

Everybody turns to see her but none of them has the view I have. None of them sees the look in her eyes, the melding of confidence and uncertainty. As our eyes meet, my heart stops. I can hear nothing. I have never seen a more beautiful woman in my life. The antique lace of her mother�s, grandmother�s, great grandmother�s dress seems so fitting. The wildflowers in her bouquet twined with trailing ivy remind me of something ancient. Somehow, I know this has all happened before, some other time, some other life. Only for her would I be standing here.

As she walks slowly down the aisle towards me, I can�t see her parents on either side of her. Her dark eyes flash, alternately wet with tears and sparking with passion, love. She claimed me the night we met, maybe before. Words spoken can only define the bond we have for everyone to hear. Our hearts have already spoken the vows, over and over.

Sarah's work has, or will be, appearing in Illumen, Twilight Times, Mouth Full of Bullets, and Action Pursuit Games.