El Frendez's Helpful Hints on Public Transport
Everyone seriously hates public transport. Like really. The whole mass transit idea to reduce pollution and save costs for everyone is like all good and all, but you just have these total assholes in society that are regular commuters. Public Transport is good for our economy and shit, but if only there were a way to keep assholes from getting on buses, trains, trams, and ferries...
If I could be screwed running for State Parliament, I'd bring in these robotic asshole-proof ticket machines. All bums, slow, dumb-asses, and general assholes would not be admitted to travel. This would eliminate the need for security on our trains as there wouldn't be any assholes around. GO el Frendez!
Have you ever been on a train or bus and just wanted to sit by yourself without some asshole old smelly dude or random goon sitting next to or near you?
This trick generally only works for noodles (Asians): Hold an old tissue or hanky to your nose and pretend to sneeze and cough all over the place like you're some diseased dude. Ever since the whole SARS epidemic and Japanese Flu crisis in the 1990's, everyone been all weary of sitting near an infected Noodle. This has a very high success rate and will keep most of the commuters away from you.
Been scammed by City Rail with shitty service?
Well once you're on the train and gotten you're overpriced ticket, leave all the shit and trash ON the train. One nice trick is to leave a parcel on the platform or in a corner somewhere so everyone goes all crazy over a terrorist alert. I seriously hate the bullshit that ShittyRail gives out. Just desecrate as much City Rail Property as you can until the organization gets back up to speed. And scam all the shit you can like not buying tickets and jumping the gates. DO anything. I'd organize a boycott but too many people rely on ShittyRail for transport. FUCK!
Stuck in another delay?
Bring your basic 12 gauge shotgun to blow open the doors and any ShittyRail Security that stand in your way and your Nikes cause you'll be going on a walk. The trains these days get delayed when they run over a 5 cent piece. Its total bullshit. The you got those "maintenance" assholes that fuck up the trains every month. Whatever the fuck they're doing, it ain't helping the trains run on time.
