Drunk People

For centuries since the Ancient Egyptians built (or did they? I reckon those little green men made 'em. Or maybe the Stargate people) the Pyramids at Gaza, people around the world have enjoyed alcohol. Isn't it funny that the most culturally and technologically advanced race for its era (Egyptians) were also the first humans to develop fermented beverages? Indeed they are Gods.  Who would think that combining barley hops and other shit, leaving it to cool for a while then drinking it would become so popular? And then other cultures did the same with grapes to make wine and the Mexicans with Tequila!

Yes people in the 21st Century also love alcohol with nations like Germany and the Czech Republic drinking on average 7Litres of beer per week. Apparently during OKTOBERFEST, they sell beer in 1L mugs - THAT'S FUCKEN MAD!  And you have all these fat red cheeked Europeans totally drunk and ladies in short dresses with their ample boobs half popping out.. what could possibly be better?  I have a Czech friend who is quite fond of the drinky drinky.  I dunno but there's something odd about people that are NOT Europeans when they drink.. Its like its wrong to get shitfaced if you're not European! Like if you every go by Star City or Chinatown around 12am and you see a mob of Asian businessmen/women totally smashed singing some wierdo Cantonese Song, destroying the local yum-cha or galaxy world. By the way, when people say that someone tells the truth when they're drunk - that is wrong: Drunk people say what they WANT to, which may not always be the truth.

Totally normal people are transformed under the extreme influence of alcohol. A good friend of mine <name withheld> is a completely normal, ordinary, actually MEDIOCRE human being, becomes the legendary Sausageman! Yes Sausageman. He's the COMPELETE opposite of <name withheld>, and apparently he is now known as el Hombre Salchicha - due to his Spanish origin.  The picture of sausageman in his sober state is pictured to the right. Ah what the fuck - his name is Chris Cram. His email is [email protected] for all the MSN stalkers out there. By the way the object he is holding IS NOT a carrot. It may seem orange and oddly shaped but it IS actually his cock.  Why does one play with himself at school? we just don't know. 

Well lets get right into it shall we? I have told you that people go all whacko when they're drunk and you generally have these types of drunken fools:

1. Horny Drunks

Shakespeare wrote that alcohol "rises the desire" for sexual activity and it has been studied that alcohol does have an aphrodisiac property. Horny drunks aren't always men as most FEMALES think. Horny drunks merely are very unco-ordinated and just leap on anything that moves and attempts to fuck it, or maybe just sloppily smooch it.  Please note that the horny drunk (the one on top) is covering the [most likely] sober bystander's mouth so she can do her evil duties of a horny drunk. She looks pretty hot though.  Actually she reminds me of this chick I know: Iris.  hey Iris is that you? let's go drinking sometime.

2. Melodramatic Drunks

For all you ESL students and dumbasses out there melodramatic is when people go gay and share their bullshit exaggerated feelings and thoughts with others.  The most aggressive people seem to go melodramatic.  You have also wierdoes that get all melodramatic by walking around hugging other drunks, or crying their faces into a r0ed, blubbering fool, or even people that call up mates on their phone and tell them they love them. Eeewwww...  At my formal's afterparty, the "man" of our school was crying and screaming "oh I miss Jess (ex-girlfriend)! I want her back" By the way this was AFTER she found out he was like cracking onto another chick (or maybe it was a guy? who knows when you're drunk!)

3. Aggressive Drunks

No one likes aggressive drunks. Alot of people are known for turning into aggressive drunks and trashing shit. People like that British Band Oasis.  Those fuckers go wild when drunk.  Its weird how people get all crazy when drunk and start fights and shit.  I thought alcohol usually makes people hyperactive and happy.  Oh well, I guess it don't work the same for everyone.  Out in Parra the other day there was this crazy Noodle going off at this drunken white guy cause he was giving him some pretty racist taunts right? The White guy just kept laughing and mocking the little Asian dude and the Asian guy did some kung-fu shit to try and scare him off. He did like some cheap imitation Bruce Lee psycho scream and danced around like a fool - but that's not the end of it - The white guy keeps laughing in the Noodle's face so the Noodle runs up and does some crazy Jackie Chan move on him. Everyone gasps as THE WHITE GUY turns and KOs the Noodle and walks off cursing passers-by.  The funniest thing I've ever seen! and the Noodle guy is like twitching on the ground.. AHAHAHAHAA!

4. Happy Drunks

Well I don't really have anything on "Happy" drunks but I merely made this up just to go with this picture. Its a good picture isn't it? Funny Noodles having a happy drink together. Hey they look familiar.. Maybe they're related to the COLGATE Noodle from the index page. Interesting.

5. Crazy Drunks

No those people are NOT part of NASA's latest space mission. They are most definitely what I would classify as crazy drunk.  Crazy drunks are people that just seriously do the wierdest shit when they are drunk.  An example would be hiding under a table and telling people "You can't see me." or picking up a circular seat and turning it like a steering wheel and saying "hey guys! I'm driving to Eastwood!"  Indeed crazy drunks are quite crazy.  Almost anyone can be a crazy drunk.  If you see a drunk smiling, you are most likely to be looking at a crazy drunk. Just be sure you don't confuse CRAZY with AGGRESSIVE.  They are both two different things.

"I always touch my penis when I dance" - ADZ

6. Totally Whack Drunks

Well these drunks are similar to crazy drunks but they are totally weird.  A lot of first-time drunks are like this; in their own little world of fun and mysterious discovery. Good going Joe Assad.   Totally Whack Drunks run around with limitless energy and are really a combination of all of the above drunks. Yippee! Hoo-Ray for alcohol!

7. Permament Drunks / Yobbos

"Damn mother fucker... WHAT THE FUCK YOU LOOKING AT??!!" Yeah this is our permanent drunk.  This is "Old Bill" from The Simple Gift for all the English Standard students out there.  But this drunk doesn't enter into a new stage of experience or go through an inner journey.  This guy just stays drunk forever.  All of his collective energies is focused to the allocation, acquisition, and consumption of alcohol. This could be vodka, beer, whisky, passion-pop, or pretty much anything that isn't lite.

Richard O'Connor of Gracelands Waste Management Team is a permanent drunk

Yes. To end this GREAT PAGE I will typically leave you with a great image of something you MAY do when drunk: