--------------------------------------------------------------------------- WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY? WLIIA Chat Games --------------------------------------------------------------------------- ALPHABET (Part One) --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Game: Alphabet - Beginning and ending on the letter "F" Players: Mochrie, Vranch Scene: In a supermarket FELLA, COULD YOU TELL ME WHERE I CAN FIND THE SPAM AISLE? GOOD GRIEF, NOT A SPAMMER! HEY, I JUST LIKE A LITTLE LUNCHEON MEAT! I SEE - AISLE 5. AND WATCH YOUR HEAD. JUST POINT THE WAY. KINDLY FOLLOW ME, THE ROUTE IS COMPLICATED. LET ME FOLLOW YOU, THEN. MIND YOU, SOME PEOPLE HAVE GONE TO AISLE 5 AND NEVER RETURNED! NO! YOU DON'T SAY! OH YES - DANGEROUS, THAT LUNCHEON MEAT! PRETTY CREEPY. I MAY NEVER EAT LUNCHEON MEAT AGAIN! QUITE A GOOD CHOICE. RIGHT. SO DO YOU STILL WANT TO HEAD ON OVER THERE? I HEAR THE COUNTRY'S LOVELY OVER IN AISLE 5. TERRIFIC! HOW FAR AWAY IS AISLE FIVE? UP OVER THE HILL AND THROUGH THE WOODS - RIGHT BY GRANDMOTHER'S HOUSE. VERY TRECHEROUS AISLES, AREN'T THEY? WELL YOU COULD SAY THAT AGAIN! X-ACTLY! YES, SO LET'S GO! ZIPPING MY SHOPPING CART ALONG LICKETY-SPLIT. ALL RIGHTY THEN! BUT I DON'T SEE ANY SPAM(TM) ON THE SHELVES! CAN'T THAT WAIT? I'M TRYING TO LEAD YOU ASTRAY HERE! DOES THIS STORE HAVE TWIGLETS? EVERY VARIETY OF THEM. FABULOUS!!! --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Game: Alphabet - Beginning and ending on the letter "S" Players: Proops, Vranch Scene: Chatting up someone in a pub SO WHICH PUB ARE WE GOING TO NAT? THE COVENTRY ARMS. UNDERSTANDABLE, SEEING AS YOU WANT TO CHAT UP THAT GUY. VRANCH, HIS LAST NAME IS. ;) WELL, WE'D BETTER SEE WHO'S THERE. XANADU IS A SERVER IN CAMBRIDGE. YIKES - I NEVER KNEW THAT. ZARAH LEANDER TOLD ME THAT. ALBEIT THOUGH I'LL STICK TO WHAT I'VE GOT. BRIGHT YOUNG THING YOU ARE! C'MON WE'VE GOT TO GET A MOVE ON IF WE WANT TO SEE THOSE GUYS. D'OH - THEY'RE SO CUTE TOO. EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM SAYS SEX SEX SEX! F***IN' WELL DOES! GREG'S HERE. YIPPEEE!!! HOLY MACKEREL, SO HE IS! I'M IN FOR A CHANCE!!! JUST LOOK - RICHARD'S OVER THERE! KEWL! NOW WE BOTH WON'T BE DISSAPOINTED! LUMMY.... MY GOD, HE LOOKS GOOD TONITE! NOT HALF AS GOOD AS RICHARD THOUGH. :) OHH, GIVE OVER. WE BOTH KNOW THEY ARE BOTH AS GOOD AS WE THINK :) PERHAPS ;) QUESTION IS - WHOSE GONNA GO FOR IT FIRST?? RICHARD OF COURSE! HEY THERE SWEETIE, HOW NICE TO SEE YOU!! --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Game: Alphabet - Beginning and ending on the letter "J" Players: Mochrie, Vranch Scene: In a classroom JOHNNY'S PULLING MY HAIR! KINDLY STOP PULLING RICHARD'S HAIR, JOHNNY. LOOK, IF YOU DON'T STOP IT I'LL TALK! MAYBE YOU WOULD LIKE TO SEE THE PRINCIPAL, WOULD YOU? NOT ME, HIM! OH WELL, NEVER MIND. PLEASE SIR, CALL ON ME, SIR! QUIET, CLASS. IT'S TIME FOR OUR ALGEBRA LESSON. RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! (HURLING NOISE) SOMEONE CALL THE JANITOR! THERE'S BEEN A PROTEIN SPILLAGE! THANK GOD FOR JANITORS! USUALLY THE JANITOR ONLY COMES IN ON WEEKENDS. VELL ZEN ZAT IS VY ZIS SKOOL IS SUCH A MESS! WOW! LOVELY ACCENT! XANADU IS WHERE I MET MY LANDLORD KIERAN. YES, YES, TELL ME MORE! ZEBRA CROSSING. I WAS ON MY WAY TO ODDBINS AND I RAN INTO HIM. ALRIGHT CLASS. PUT YOUR BOOKS AWAY. IT'S TIME FOR A POP QUIZ. BOLLOCKS. CHEATING IS ALLOWED, AS USUAL. D'OH! DIDN'T KNOW THAT BEFORE! EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW THAT! THIS IS THE WORST SCHOOL IN THE COUNTY, AFTER ALL. FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH, THE TEACHER HAS A FRO! GROOVY OBSERVATION, DUDE! HIGHLY SO! I SEE THAT CLASS IS OVER. YOU'RE FREE TO GO. JUST LET US GO ALREADY! --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Game: Alphabet - Beginning and ending on the letter "P" Players: Mochrie, Slattery, Vranch Scene: Monty Python parrot sketch PARDON ME, MISS? QUICK! I HAVEN'T GOT ALL DAY! RIGHT, WHAT'S ALL THIS THEN? SOMETHIN'S WRONG WITH ME PARROT! TOO MUCH LIKE AN EX-PARROT! UNLESS HE COMES ALIVE AGAIN! VERY WRONG YOU ARE, SIR! HE'S NOT DEAD! HE'S PININ' FOR THE FJORDS! WELL THEN, STOP COMPLAINING! XERXES? WHAT'S THAT DOING ON A BIRDSHOP STEREO? YOU BLITHERING TWIT! I WANT A REPLACEMENT! ZOO MIGHT HAVE ONE FOR YOU... ABSOLUTELY NOT! THIS IS THE ONLY PLACE TO GET A PARROT! BETTER NOT BE A SLUG, THAT'S ALL I CAN SAY. CAN'T WE JUST ALL GET ALONG.....??? DON'T SAY THAT - REMINDS ME OF THE L. A. RIOTS ENOUGH! JUST GIVE ME A NEW NORWEGIAN BLUE, IMMEDIATELY! FOR THAT YOU'LL HAVE TO PAY, SIR. GOOD GRIEF, DON'T CHARGE HIM TWICE! HAVEN'T GOT ANY MORE PARROTS...WE'RE FRESH OUT, GUV. I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE BABBLING ABOUT... I WORK HERE (DON'T I??) JUST UNTIL NOW YOU DID - YOU'RE FIRED! KINDLY GIVE ME WHATEVER YOU HAVE IN STOCK. AT THIS POINT, I'LL TAKE ANYTHING! LET MY LAWYER FIGURE THIS ONE OUT! MY, MY, AREN'T THE BOTH OF YOU GETTING A BIT TETCHY? NEVER CALL ME TETCHY! OH, OKAY...HERE'S A NEW PARROT THEN! PARDON ME MISS, I WISH TO REGISTER A COMPLAINT! --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Game: Alphabet - Beginning and ending on the letter "Y" Players: Mochrie, Vranch Scene: In a twiglet factory YOU THERE! WHERE HAS ALL THE MARMITE GONE? ZOMEWHERE OVER DA RAINBOW...HOW SHOULD I KNOW?! AH, DON'T BE INSOLENT! BUT I ENJOY BEING INSOLENT! CAN'T YOU BE INSOLENT TO SOMEONE OTHER THAN ME, YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW? DON'T JUST STAND THERE! FIX THE TWIGLET MACHINE! EVERYTHING I HAVE TO DO! WHY CAN'T YOU DO SOME OF THE WORK! FOR SHAME! I DO JUST AS MUCH AS YOU DO! GRACIOUS, SO YOU DO! I DON'T KNOW WHOM I WAS THINKING OF! HEY, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT...IT'S JUST SENILITY EATING AWAY AT YOUR TINY MIND. I'M YOUNGER THAN YOU ARE, DARLING! REMEMBER THAT! JUST KIDDING, OF COURSE! KEVIN! WHAT'S HE DOING HERE? NOW *HE'S* SENILE! LORD, HAVE MERCY! WHAT *IS* HE DOING HERE? MY WORD, I HAVE NO IDEA! GO AWAY, KEVIN! NO ONE IS ALLOWED IN THE TWIGLET MACHINE, KEVIN! YOU'RE JUST ASKING FOR TROUBLE! OH NO! HE'S JUMPED IN! WE'LL HAVE TO LABEL THEM WORCESTERSHIRE FLAVOURED! PRAY TELL, DO YOU THINK HE'LL BE ALL RIGHT? QUITE AFRAID HE WON'T. THE TWIGLET MACHINE IS A DANGEROUS ONE. REALLY? SO TRUE - TRAGEDY'S STRICKEN HERE MANY TIMES. TRAGEDY! AW, KEVIN!!! :'-( UNLESS WE FISH HIM OUT NOW - OTHERWISE HE'S BOND-MOVIE FODDER! VERY ASTUTE...WELL, LIFE GOES ON...SAY, I'LL TREAT YOU TO SOME TWIGLETS! WELL, THAT'S A LOVELY TREAT, DARLING! THANKS EVER SO MUCH! XERIC ARE THOSE TWIGLETS!!...(XERIC MEANS REQUIRING A SMALL AMOUNT OF MOISTURE) YES INDEED THEY ARE. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Game: Alphabet - Beginning and ending on the letter "U" Players: Mochrie, LawrenceJ Scene: A job interview UH, COME IN, MS. LAWRENCE, IS IT? VERY GOOD TO SEE YOU. WELCOME, ARE YOU READY FOR THE INTERVIEW? X-CITED, VERY EXCITED. YOU WILL BE ASKED SEVERAL QUESTIONS, NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. ZIPPETY DOO DA. ALRIGHT, QUESTION ONE: WHAT ARE SOME OF YOUR HOBBIES? BASKET WEAVING, AND VARIOUS OTHER CRAFTS. COULD YOU EXPLAIN WHY YOU WANT TO WORK FOR US HERE AT TWIGLETS R US? LOL! DEARLY LOVE THOSE TWIGLETS. EXCELLENT. ARE YOU A HARD WORKER? FAIRLY GOOD. GOOD, GOOD. MAY I PLEASE SEE YOUR RESUME? HERE YOU GO. I SEE THAT YOU TOOK A COURSE IN TWIGLET-MAKING. CAN YOU EXPLAIN THE PROCESS? JUST SHAPE AND FLAVOR. KINDLY GO ON! THIS IS QUITE FASCINATING. LIGHTLY SPRINKLE ON THE SEASONING. MY GOODNESS! YOU'RE JUST THE PERSON WE NEED HERE! NO, YOU REALLY THINK SO. OHHHH YES!! PLEASE, YOU'RE JUST SAYING THAT. QUITE WRONG! I REALLY MEAN IT! YOU'RE HIRED!! REALLY, WHEN DO I START? SOON. VERY SOON. WE WILL PHONE YOU TELLING YOU WHEN YOU CAN START, MS. LAWRENCE. THANKS, I CAN'T WAIT. UH, YOU MAY HAVE TO... --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Game: Alphabet - Beginning and ending on the letter "I" Players: LawrenceJ, Mochrie, Proops, Vranch Scene: At a wedding I DO! NOW LET'S GET ON WITH IT! JUST A MINUTE - WHERE'S THE RINGS? KINDLY SEARCH FOR THEM...MY LIMO'S DOUBLE-PARKED. LOL! LIMO, HOW COME I DIDN'T GET TO RIDE WITH YOU? MISS, WE CAN'T TAKE EVERYONE! THERE'S ALREADY TWELVE PEOPLE IN THE LIMO! NOW HANG ON - WHO IS IT WHOSE GOT THE MINI BUS? OH, THAT WOULD BE ME. NOW HURRY, IT'S ALMOST TIME FOR THE RECEPTION. PLEASE, I'M HUNGRY. QUICK! WE WANT TO GET TO THE HOTEL BEFORE THEY START CHARGING EXTRA FOR THE HALL! RUN LIKE MAD! STOP! WHY DO WE NEED TO RUN? WE'RE TAKING A MINIBUS, REMEMBER? THERE'S NO TIME TO WASTE, THE MINIBUS DOESN'T GO VERY FAST. UNLESS WE PUT SOME PETROL IN IT... VERY WELL, TAKE THE BUS - THERE'S PLENTY OF PETROL. WELL, WHOOPDY DOO! XYLOPHONE? SINCE WHEN DO THEY USE THESE AT WEDDINGS? YES, I HIRED A PERCUSSIONIST FRIEND OF MINE. HE WAS SUPPOSED TO PLAY THE MARIMBA BUT HAD TO SUBSTITUTE A XYLOPHONE. ZODIAC THE GLADIATOR ONCE PLAYED THE ZYLOPHONE. (OOPS! SPELLING!) AWFULLY KIND OF YOU TO HIRE THAT PERCUSSIONIST. THAT OLD PIPE ORGANIST WAS GETTING ON MY NERVES. BUT HE WAS GOOD, YOU HAVE TO ADMIT. COULD SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT MY EX IS DOING AT MY WEDDING? DON'T KNOW. I PRESUMED SHE INVITED HERSELF. EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT YOUR EX WAS THE PREACHER! I'M SURPRISED YOU DIDN'T REALIZE THAT!! FRANKLY, I HAD NO CLUE EITHER. GOSH... I MUST NOT HAVE BEEN PLANNING WELL! I SENSED THAT. Shoot...premature improv!! HOW DO WE GET TO THE RECEPTION? ANYONE GOT A MAP? I DO! I DO! --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Game: Alphabet - Beginning and ending on the letter "Y" Players: CQuentin, Vranch Scene: At the post office YOU GOT SOME STAMPS? ZOOLOGICAL ONES, HERE. ALRIGHT, GIVE ME 20. BRITAIN? IS THAT WHERE YOU'RE SENDING STUFF? CANADA IS WHERE THESE PACKAGES ARE GOING. DOUANE! YOU'LL HAVE TO PAY CUSTOMS! EVERY TIME, THIS HAPPENS. IT'S PRACTIALLY CRIMINAL! FORGIVE ME - I ONLY WORK HERE! GREAT, NOW I'LL HAVE TO TAKE OUT A LOAN TO PAY FOR THIS. HOW DO YOU THINK THE POST OFFICE MAKES ITS LIVING? IN RIPPING OFF THE CUSTOMER IT SEEMS! JUST GIVE ME THE MONEY AND NOBODY GETS HURT! KILLING IS WHAT IT'S COME TO NOW, EH? FINE, HERE'S YOUR DOSH. LET ME HAVE IT IN UNMARKED BILLS! MY OH MY WE'RE GETTING PICKY AREN'T WE? NO, THIS IS SO I CAN RUN OFF WITH IT. OHHHHHHH, I SEE, TAKE ME WITH YOU! PERHAPS. BUT ONLY IF MY BOYFRIEND APPROVES. QUEER ARE YOU? DAMN. ROLLICKING BOLLOCKS! I'M A GIRL, CAN'T YOU TELL? THEY DO CALL ME YENTL, THOUGH... LOL! SORRY, MY MISTAKE. TOO BAD FOR YOU, HE SAYS YOU CAN'T COME ALONG. UGLY AM I, IS THAT IT? VELL, NOT RRRRRRRRRRREALLY! WELL, I GUESS I'LL BE OFF ON MY OWN THEN. XEROX ME A POST CARD. DAMN, I MEANT FAX! YES,I BELIVE I WILL. --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Game: Alphabet - Beginning and ending on the letter "Q" Players: LawrenceJ, McShane_ Scene: A woman trying to return a birthday present she didn't like QUICK, I'M GOING ON A BREAK, WHAT DO YOU WANT? RIGHT, OK, I'LL HURRY. I NEED TO RETURN THIS. SO WHAT IS IT YOU ARE RETURNING? THIS SWEATER, IT WAS A GIFT. UMM, DO YOU HAVE A RECEIPT? VERNON, THE GUY I GOT IT FROM DID'T GIVE IT TO ME. WELL WE CAN'T REFUND YOUR MONEY UNLESS YOU HAVE A RECEIPT. SORRY. NEXT!... X-CUSE ME, I REALLY NEED TO RETURN IT. YOU CAN GET YOUR MONEY BACK UNLESS YOU HAVE A RECEIPT. RULES IS RULES, LADY. NEXT CUSTOMER PLEASE... ZED, IS THAT YOUR NAME? PLEASE HOW ABOUT AN EXCHANGE? AWAY WITH YOU AND YOUR WRETCHED SWEATER! PERSISTENCE WILL GET YOU NOWHERE. BUT COME ON, I'LL NEVER WEAR IT. COME TO THINK OF IT, I MAY BE ABLE TO HELP YOU OUT AFTER ALL. DAMN, THAT WAS A QUICK TURN AROUND. EVER EATEN AT CHEZ ROBERT'S, THAT FANCY FRENCH RESTAURANT ON THE OTHER SIDE OF TOWN? FRANKLY, NO I HAVEN'T. IS IT ANY GOOD? GREAT IT IS! GIVE ME YOUR NUMBER AND I'LL PICK YOU UP AT EIGHT. NEXT! HERE IT IS I WILL PICK YOU UP, WE CAN HAVE A NICE ROMANTIC CANDLELIT DINNER, WE CAN TALK ABOUT THE REFUND, AND WHO KNOWS WHAT ELSE? JUST CAN'T WAIT!! KNOW WHAT, YOU SHOULD WEAR THAT SWEATER TONIGHT! YOU WOULD LOOK GREAT IN IT. LUCKY THIS SWEATER IS, I WILL WEAR IT ALWAYS MIGHT I REMIND YOU THAT YOU WILL NOT BE ABLE TO RETURN IT AFTERWARDS. NOT A PROBLEM, I'M STARTING TO LIKE IT. OK, I'LL BE BY TO PICK YOU UP AT 7:30. PLEASE BE ON TIME, MY SWEATER AND I WILL BE WAITING. QUICK, GET OUT OF HERE SO I CAN CONCENTRATE ON MY JOB BEFORE I GET FIRED. BYE FOR NOW! --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Game: Alphabet - Beginning and ending on the letter "T" Players: LawrenceJ, McShane_, PeterCook, Stiles2, Vranch Scene: Vranch's 30th birthday party TODAY IS YOUR BIRTHDAY I CAN'T BELIEVE ITS HERE ALREADY UNBELIEVABLE, VRANCH IS TURNING 30. FEEL OLD YET? VRANCH LOOKS MUCH MUCH OLDER. WOW DON'T I FEEL YOUNG NOW! XEROX MACHINE! LET'S ALL DANCE ON IT! YES, I LOVE THAT XEROX DANCE YOU ALWAYS DO. ZOINKS, I CAN'T WAIT FOR A PIECE OF THE CAKE! A HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, RICHARD. PLEASE ACCEPT THIS PRESENT! BACARDI ANYONE? COGNAC FOR ME PLEASE! DRINK HERE TOO. ENOUGH WITH THE CHIT CHAT, WHERE'S THE CAKE? FOUND JUST THE PERFECT GIFT AND HE WON'T EVEN SAY THANK YOU! GOSH.. WHERES THE MUSIC? HOLY MOLEY PETE! I LOVE THIS SET OF BONDAGE GEAR YOU GAVE ME! I THINK IT IS A LOVELY PRESENT. JUST AS LONG AS HE DIDN'T GIVE HIM A CARTON OF CIGARETTES LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. KILLED ME, THEY DID! LOST YOUR PRESENT ON THE WAY HERE.. ;) MON DIEU, RYAN! CAN'T EVEN CARRY A PRESENT TO MY HOUSE! :) NO, HE DIDN'T DROP IT, HE'S WEARING IT. OH MY GOD, DON'T GIVE IT TO HIM NOW THEN. PLEASE LET ME KNOW IF I CAN SHARE MY PRESENT WITH YOU RICHARD? I'M ALWAYS ON FOR A BONDAGE GAME, YOU KNOW. QUIET.. THEY'RE HAVING A SPECIAL MOMENT I THINK WITH THIS GIFT ;) RIGHT YOU ARE DEAR! WE ARE HAVING *FUN*! SAY, CAN I JOIN IN!!! THIS IS ALL GETTING A LITTLE TOO KINKY FOR ME. WHERE'S THE CAKE? --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Game: Alphabet - Beginning and ending on the letter "A" Players: JSweeney, Mochrie, Vranch Scene: On the subway AS LONG AS WE'RE DOWN HERE IN THIS TUBE STATION, COULD YOU TELL ME WHICH TRAIN GOES WEST? BASICALLY, IT'S THE TRAIN ON THE LEFT SIDE OF THE STATION. CENTRAL LINE - AVOID IT LIKE THE PLAGUE AT RUSH HOUR THOUGH! DON'T YOU THINK IT'S AWFULLY QUIET DOWN HERE TODAY? EXCESSIVELY QUIET. IT'S UNUSUAL FOR THIS TIME OF THE DAY. FRIGHTFFUL - MAYBE WE'RE TRAPPED. GOOD GOD I THINK I JUST SAW A COUPLE OF COMEDY STORE PLAYERS TAKING THE VICTORIA LINE... SHOULD WE FOLLOW 'EM?? HELL, YEAH! :-) *grin* :) I know. that's so out of character for me! I SEE RICH RIGHT OVER THERE - WE CAN TRY TO CATCH ON TO THAT FLOP OF HAIR AND GET THE TRAIN. JUST A SEC, I THINK THEY'VE SPOTTED US.... THEY SEEM TO THINK WE'RE STALKERS! 'KAY, IT'S TIME FOR AN ALTERNATE PLAN...'ROUND THE SIDE OF THE TRAIN. THAT WAY THEY WON'T SPOT US. LOOK THERE'S STEPHEN FRY! MAYBE WE SHOULD SPLIT UP, SO WE DON'T LOOK LIKE WE'RE A GANG! NO! THAT'D BE TOO EASY. WE SHOULD STICK TOGETHER, BUT LAY LOW TILL THE COAST IS CLEAR! OGDEN NASH IS HERE TOO, MOST BIZARRE AS HE'S NOT A COMEDY STORE PLAYER AT ALL - OH NO, THEY'VE SPOTTED US AGAIN! PLEASE DON'T ASK THEM FOR AUTOGRAPHS... I WANT THEM TO THINK WE'RE COOL AND STUFF! QUITE RIGHT. ASKING FOR AUTOGRAPHS WOULD ONLY MAKE US LOOK IMMATURE AND TACKY. REALLY, WE SHOULD JUST GO DOWN THE PUB INSTEAD. QUICK, FOLLOW ME, I THINK THEY'RE BECKONING FOR US TO FOLLOW THEM! Oops! Quite a grasp of the alphabet you have! It should be "S"! Let me try that again! (That's what I get for doing up my answers ahead of time :) Hee hee hee SILLY ME I THOUGHT THEY WANTED US TO FOLLOW THEM! THEY'RE WAVING AT US! TALK ABOUT LUCK! UNLESS THEY'RE FLIPPING US OFF.... VERY EXCITING, THIS, ISN'T IT? COME ON LET'S GO CATCH UP TO 'EM! WELL I'LL BE! SOMEONE WAS PUSHED OUT OF THE TRAIN! WHY, IT LOOKS LIKE...JOHN SESSIONS!!! YAAAAAAA!!!!!! There IS a god!!! *LOL* XERXES IS WHAT HE'D HAVE CHANGED HIS NAME TO IN A FIT OF PRETENTIOUSNESS. "ZEUS!" SCREAMED SESSIONS, IN ONE LAST SPUTTER OF PRETENCE TOWARDS PROMOTING HIS PERSONA OF SELF AGGRANDIZEMENT AND GENERAL UPPITYNESS... :-) Wrong -- "Y"!! Oh shite! * Vranch gives Elle a Josie Award. But it WAS good for a Z thingee, wasnt it? Feel free to use it! "YES," SCREAMED SESSIONS, "I WAS PUSHED OUT OF THE TRAIN, BUT I REFUSE TO DIE JUST TO TICK YOU ALL OFF!" "ZEUS!" SCREAMED SESSIONS, IN ONE LAST SPUTTER OF PRETENSE TOWARDS PROMOTING HIS PERSONA OF SELF AGGRANDIZEMENT AND GENERAL UPPITYNESS. :O) *LOL* AY AY AY.... ZOUNDS! IT WASN'T JOHN SESSIONS AT ALL! IT WAS ... JEREMY BEADLE!! --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Game: Alphabet - Beginning and ending on the letter "R" Players: Mochrie, Vranch Scene: At the dentist RIGHT, WHO TOOK OUT MY TWO FRONT TEETH? SILLY PERSON! I DID, SINCE I'M YOUR DENTIST! TELL ME, WHERE DID YOU GO TO DENTAL SCHOOL? UNIVERSITY OF ENAMEL. VERY FUNNY, HA HA, NOW PUT THEM BACK IN! WELL, I CAN'T...YOU SEE, I'VE LOST THEM. XANADU IS WHERE THEY MIGHT BE... YOU SHOULDN'T GET OVERLY EMOTIONAL! YOU WON'T EVEN KNOW THEY'RE MISSING! ZIPPIDY DOODAH, ZIPPIDYAY, I'VE LOST MY FRONT TEETH, IT'S A WONDERFUL DAY! ALRIGHT, I'LL LOOK FOR YOUR TEETH. I'LL TURN THIS DENTIST'S OFFICE UPSIDE DOWN IN ORDER TO FIND THEM! I'LL SCOUR LEFT AND RIGHT, I'LL WORK NIGHT AND DAY! I'LL STOP AT NOTHING TO DISCOVER THE LOCATION OF YOUR MISSING TWO FRONT TEETH! EVEN IF IT TAKES ME FOREVER, I'LL GET THEM BACK TO YOU SAFE AND SOUND! REST ASSURED THEY'RE IN THE BUILDING SOMEWHERE. I'M SURE IF WE PUT OUR HEADS TOGETHER WE WILL FIND THEM!! BLIMEY, YOU MAY BE A CRAP DENTIST, BUT YOU'RE A HECK OF A DECENT BLOKE! COR, YOU DON'T REALLY MEAN THAT, DO YOU? DARN RIGHT I DO! EGAD, I'M BLUSHING! YOU'RE SO KIND! FRANKLY, I'M BLUSHING TOO! GOOD....WAIT A MINUTE! WHAT'S THAT UNDER THE DENTIST'S CHAIR? HOWZA, IT'S MY TWO TEETH! I'LL JUST REACH IN AND GRAB THEM..... JUST REMEMBER, NO GROPING IN PUBLIC! KINDLY STEP BACK. YOU MIGHT GET HURT. LOOK, I'M A TRAINED PROFESSIONAL. I'M YOUR SUPERVISOR. MIND YOU, I'M SURE YOU ARE VERY ASTUTE IN YOUR PROFESSIONALISM. NOW LOOK, IF YOU PROMISE TO PUT MY TEETH BACK IN THIS'LL BE OUR LITTLE SECRET AND I WON'T REPORT YOU. OH, FOR HEAVEN'S SAKE! ALL RIGHT. JUST LAY BACK IN THE CHAIR PLEASE. PLEASE, DON'T PUT YOURSELF TO ANY TROUBLE! QUITE TROUBLE-FREE ACTUALLY. NOW, SAY AHHHHHH.... RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGGGGH!! (Hurling noise...) --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Game: Alphabet - Beginning and ending on the letter "J" Players: Dean, EWagner, Mochrie, Vranch Scene: Watching "The Wizard Of Oz" JUST LOVE THIS MOVIE, DONT YOU? KINDLY PASS ME THE POPCORN LET ME GUESS WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN -- THE WITCH IS GONNA SHOW UP... MY YOU ARE A BRIGHT ONE, DARLING. NO, I DONT LIKE SOMEONE TELLING ME THE PLOT OH, WHATS WITH THOSE LITTLE PEOPLE? PROBABLY TOO MUCH CAFFEINE STUNTED THEIR GROWTH... QUITE - THAT'S WHY I'M SO PETITE TOO REALLY, NATALIE? SCARECROW, THATS MY FAVORITE CHARACTER! TIN MAN'S MY FAVE! UNLESS OF COURSE HE RUSTS VIRGIN OFFERING WOULD LIVEN UP THIS MOVIE WOULD IT? XAVIER, MY BROTHER, USED TO WATCH THIS MOVIE ALL THE TIME. YES, AND HE MET HIS WIFE AT A SCREENING, DIDN'T HE? ZOOMED IN ON HER AT A MOVIE, EH? ALRIGHT WHY DON'T WE FAST FORWARD A LITTLE? BUT YOU KNOW, THEY SHOULDA DONE A SEQUEL...WIZARD OF OZ 2 -- THE LEGEND CONTINUES... COR, WASN'T THAT A PORNO? DON'T THINK SO EVERY SEQUEL IS! FRANKLY, I DON'T WANT TO KNOW! GOOD, BECAUSE I'M NOT RENTING THEM FOR YOU HEY DONT GET PUSHY I THINK THE MOVIE IS JUST ABOUT OVER, SEE THE WITCH IS DEAD. JOY OF JOYS! THE MOVIE'S OVER!!! --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Game: Alphabet - Beginning and ending on the letter "T" Players: JonPryce, She-Ryan Scene: Two doctors in surgery TRY NOT TO KILL THE PATIENT THIS TIME, OK? UNDERNEATH THE URINARY TRACTS IS HOW WE'LL GO AT IT THIS TIME THEN? VERY WELL, BUT THAT'S A RATHER STRANGE WAY TO REMOVE A BRAIN TUMOR..... WHEN DID YOU BECOME SUCH AN EXPERT ON THE HUMAN ANATOMY? X-ACTLY TEN PM LAST NIGHT. YOU ARE MUCH TO CLUMSY TO BE A SURGEON - LOOK, YOU'VE JUST CUT OFF A TESTICLE! ZOUNDS! AH WELL, HE DOES HAVE ANOTHER ONE..... AFTER ALL, IT'S NOT LIKE HE WAS BORN WITH THEM. BUT I THOUGHT ALL MEN WERE BORN WITH THEM..... CONDITION CHART INDICATES THAT THIS MAN USED TO BE A WOMAN... DAMN! AND I WAS GONNA ASK HIM OUT AFTER SURGERY :( EVEN THOUGH HE'S TRANSGENDERED, TRUE LOVE KNOWS NO BOUNDS! FINE, FINE, THEN YOU ASK HIM OUT GOSH, ARE YOU JEALOUS? HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT TO ME! I THINK YOU KNOW WHY I'M SAYING THAT TO YOU JUST STOP PLAYING CATCH WITH HIS BRAIN AND TALK TO ME! KICK THAT LUNG OVER TO ME, I THINK I CAN JUGGLE ALL HIS BODY PARTS. LOOK, YOU KNOW WHAT JUGGLING BODY PARTS DOES TO ME! MAYBE I WANT TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS... NEVER MIND ALL THAT, I WANT SEX! OKAY! PLEASE PUT DOWN THAT KIDNEY FIRST THO.... QUICKIES ARE ALL I HAVE TIME FOR DURING SURGURY RIGHT, BUT WHAT'S YOUR EXCUSE FOR SPEED WHEN WE'RE NOT IN SURGERY, HUH? SOMETIMES YOU'RE NOT EXACTLY AS GREAT AS YOU'RE CRACKED UP TO BE TOO! TAKE THIS BRAIN AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR #$%! --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Game: Alphabet - Beginning and ending on the letter "D" Players: _Elle_, Mochrie Scene: A visit to NASA.