Sardar's Answering Machine

A Sardar took an answering machine home 
and fixed it home somewhere in Rajasthan, 
but two days later disconnected it because 
he was getting complaints like "Idiot! phone 
utha ke bolta hai ghar pe nahin hai" (Idiot! 
He's taking the phone and saying he's not there.) 



A Sardar sees lot of guys running on 
the highway. Asks a bystander as to why 
are the guys doing what they are doing. 

The bystander explains that a Marathon 
race is going on.

Sardar : What do they get from that?

Bystander : The winner will get a prize.

Sardar : Then why are the others running?! 



There's a funeral procession of a Sardar 
going on a busy street. 

All the Sardars in the 'mayyat' are dancing 
the bhangra and singing and general 'balle balle' 
is on. The people on the street find it strange 
that instead of mourning everyone is celebrating 
as if its a marriage baraat.

So one of them asks Santa Singh,"Singh Saab, aap ka 
koi sage wala gujar gaya hai aur aap naach rahe ho?" 

...comes the reply, "Haan ji! Hai hi baat badi 
kushi ki!! Aaj paheli bar ek Sardar "brain" 
tumour se mara hai!!" 



Banta Singh went to an eye specialist to get 
his eyes tested and asked, "Doctor, will I be 
able to read after wearing glasses?" 

"Yes, of course," said the doctor, "why not!"

"Oh! How nice it would be," said Banta with joy, 
"I have been illiterate for so long." 



RAILWAY TICKET

A Sardarji was travelling in a train. 
The ticket checker (T.C.) came and asked 
him to show his ticket. 

The Sardarji politely asked, "Which one should 
I show, the one in my right pocket or the one 
in my left pocket?" 

The T.C. was taken aback. He then said, "Show me 
the ticket in your right pocket". 

The Sardarji promptly showed the ticket. it was 
perfectly in order. The T.C. then requested the 
Sardarji to show the ticket in his left pocket also. 
That was also in order. 

The T.C. then asked for the reason for buying two tickets. 

The Sardarji explained, "If someone picks one pocket 
then I have the other ticket left." The T.C. asked again, 
"Suppose someone picks both your pockets, what happens?" 

The Sardarji replied with a smile,� I have third ticket 
inside my PAGADI" 



Santa standing on the top of the Qutubminar 
viewing Delhi city. Suddenly his wrist watch 
fell down. Hurriedly Santa goes down standing 
at the bottom of the Qutubminar with both of 
hands up on the air in a way to catch the watch. 
He stands there for 15 minutes when one of his 
friends came and asked Santa for the reason to 
stand in such a way. 

Santa replied : I am waiting for my watch to fell 
down since last fifteen minutes. 

Friend : But that watch would already have fallen 
down at the instant. 

Santa: No man, my watch is half an hour late. 



Hidden Camera 

Jasmeet Kaur caught her husband Santa Singh 
searching high and low all around his living room. 

Jasmeet: "What are you searching for?" 

Santa: "Hidden cameras!" 

Jasmeet: "And what makes you think that there are 
hidden cameras here?" 

Santa: "That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing. 
Why every few minutes he keeps saying 'You are 
watching the Star World channel'.How does he know that?" 



2 Black Eyes
A man walked into work on Monday with two black eyes. 
His boss asked what happened.

The man said, "I was sitting behind a big woman at 
church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed 
that her dress was caught in her crack, so I pulled 
it out. She turned around and punched me 
square in the eye."

"Where did you get the other one idiot?" the boss asked.

"Well," the man said, "I figured she didn't want it out, 
so I pushed it back in." 



Drink Problem

A drunk walks into a bar and says, "Bartender, 
buy everyone in the house a drink, 
pour yourself one, and give me the bill." 

So, the bartender does just that, 
and hands the man the bill. 

The drunk says, "I haven't got any money." 
The bartender slaps the guy around a few times 
then throws him out into the street.

The very next day, the same drunk walks into the 
bar and once again says, "Bartender, buy everyone 
in the house a drink, pour yourself one, 
and give me the bill."

The bartender figures that he can't possibly be 
stupid enough to pull the same trick twice, so he 
gives him the benefit of the doubt. He pours a 
round of drinks for the house, has a 
drink himself, and hands the drunk the bill. 

Again, the drunk says, "I haven't got any money."

The bartender can't believe it. He picks the guy up, 
beats the living daylights out of him, and then 
throws him out into the street. 

The next day, the same drunk walks back into the 
same bar and says, "Bartender, buy every one in the 
house a drink and give me the bill."

In disgust, the bartender says, "What, no drink 
for me this time?" The drunk replies, "Nope! 
You get too violent when you drink." 



Sardarji is buying a TV
"Do you have colour TVs?"
"Sure."
"Give me a green one, please."



Sardarji calls Air India.
"How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?"
"Just a sec," says the rep.
Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up



Sardarji is filling up a job application
He promptly fills in the lines on NAME, AGE, ADDRESS, etc.
Then came the column SALARY EXPECTED
After much thought he writes: Yes



Sardarji goes into a store and sees a shiny object.
He asks the clerk, "What is that shiny object?"
The clerk replies, "That is a Thermos flask."
The Sardar asks, "What does it do?"
The clerk responds, "Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
The Sardar says, "I'll take it!"
The next day, he walks into work with his new Thermos.
His Sardar boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny 
object with you?" He said, "It's a Thermos flask."
The boss asks, "What does it do?"
He replies, "Keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."
The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?"
The Sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke



Banta Singh finished his English exam and came out. 
His friends asked him how did he do his exam, for 
that he replied ;Exam was okay, but for the past 
tense of THINK, I thought, and thought, and thought ... 
and at last I wrote THUNK !!!;



Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University 
final examination. He takes his seat in the examination 
hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, 
and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off 
and throws them out of the window. He then removes his 
turban and throws it away as well. His shirt, pant, 
socks and watch follow suit. The invigilator, alarmed, 
approaches him and asks what is going on. Oye, 
I am only following the instructions 'Answer in brief'.; 



This sardarji goes to see Jurassic Park and when the 
Dinosaurs start approaching he is cowering in his seat 
when his friend asks him ;kyon sardarji, kya baat hai? 
Dar kyon lag raha hai cinema hi to hai.;
Sardarji replies ;Aadmi hoon aur akkal hai, pata hai 
ki cinema hai, lekin voh to janwar hai, usko kya pata" 



One great day in Bombay, a couple were on a honeymoon tour. 
They saw one sardarji in front of a hospital was trying to 
fill some form. So the couple enquired eagerly ;aare 
Sardarji kya kar raahe ho.; Sardarji replied that I had a 
baby and I am filling the birth certificate form. 
The couple as per schedule, took the Bombay to Delhi Flight 
for their next destination. On the next day, they find the 
same Sardarji, in front of Lal Qilla in Delhi filling the 
same form. So once again young couple curiously asked ;Aare 
Sardarji kya kar raahe ho; sardarji once again replied 
I had a baby and I am filling the birth certificate form.; 
The couple said but sardarji yesterday you were in Bombay 
filling the same form, how come you're in Delhi? Sardarji 
cooly replied Aare yeh tho form mein leekha hey ke 
FILL IN CAPITALS.



A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop 
owner points to three identical looking parrots on a 
perch and says, "the parrot on the left costs 500 dollars".

"Why does the parrot cost so much," asks the man.
The shop owner says, "well, the parrot knows how 
to use a computer".

The man then asks about the next parrot to be told that 
this one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything 
the other parrot can do plus it knows how to use the 
UNIX operating system.

Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks about the 
third parrot to be told that it costs 2,000 dollars. 
Needless to say this begs the question, "What can it do?"

To which the shop owner replies, "to be honest I have never 
seen it do a thing, but the other two call him boss!"



After a young couple brought their new baby home, 
the wife suggested that her husband should try his 
hand at changing diapers. 
"I'm busy dear," he said, "I'll do the next one."
The next time came around, and she asked again.
The husband looked puzzled. "Oh! I didn't mean the 
next diaper... I meant the next baby!" 

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