Sardar and St.Peter
A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to the
pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules were
in effect due to the advances in education on earth.
In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly
soul must answer two questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are there in a year?
The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are
Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow,
even though it's not
the answer I expected, so your answer is correct.
But how did you get only
12 seconds in a year?"
The Sardar replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd,
March 2nd, etc...."
Saint Peter lets him in without another word .
Sardar's Blunders
Santa Singh was travelling in a crowded bus.
He was carrying the passport size photograph of
his son (for college admission).
Accidently,the photograph fell down from his pocket.
He started
searching for it frantically & found it on the floor,
below the ends of a woman's saree. He asked her
"Can you lift that saree? I wanna take a photograph"
The rest is history. He was beaten so badly that he
had to be admitted to hospital.
He was surprised to see Banta Singh on the bed next
to him,in a worse condition. Banta explained what
happened to him He had gone to a remote village to work.
He finished late and missed the last bus.
He couldn't find any hotel. So he approached a nearby
house and asked the Owner whether he can stay there
for the night.The Owner replied" I have 2 grown up daughters.
Sorry,I can't allow you to stay".
He approached the next house and asked whether he can stay
there for the night.The Owner replied,
"I have 3 grown up daughters.Sorry,I can't allow you to stay".
He went to the next house and asked:" Do you have "grown up"
Daughters?". The Owner asked,"WHY?????????" Banta replied,"
I wanted to stay here for a night....." The rest is history !
Two Sardars and their Horses
Then there were two sardars, Zail singh & Jarnail singh.
Both of them bought a horse each.
"How will we know which is your & which is mine?" asked Zail.
"Easy"replied Jarnail.
"I'll cut mine's tail,yours will be the one with tail"
This was heard by a few boys ,they cut the other's tail too.
Next morning the confusion continued.
"Don't worry "retorted Jarnail.
"I'll tie a bell around its neck, yours will be the one without
the bell."
The boys heard this also & cut the bell.
The next day, Zail got frustrated & said
"Okay now the last criterion,
white will be yours & black will be mine."
Sardar Wins Lottery
A Sardar buys a ticket and wins the lottery.
He goes to Delhi to claim it and the man verifies
his ticket number.
The Sardar says, "I want my 20 lakhs.
The man replied, "No, sir. It doesn't work that way.
We give you one lakh today and then you'll get the rest
spread out for the next 19 weeks."
The Sardar said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now!
I won it and I want it."
Again, the man explained that he would only get a lakh
that day and the rest during the next 19 weeks.
The Sardar, furious with the man, screams out, "Look,
I want my money! If you're not going to give me my 20
lakhs right now, then I want my five rupees back!"
Sardars Battle America
Hello Mr. Bush," a heavily accented voice says.
"This is Santa Singh down in Chandigadh, Punjab. I am
ringing to inform you that I am officially declaring war on
you!"
"Well, Santa Singh," Bush replies, "This indeed is important
news! Tell me, how big is your army?"
"At this moment in time," says Santa Singh after a moments
calculation, "There is myself, my cousin Banta Singh, my
next door neighbour Gurjinder and the entire Kabbadi team
from the Village. That makes 8!"
Bush sighs and says, "I must tell you Santa Singh that I
have 1million men in my army waiting to move on my word."
"OK," says Santa Singh. "I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, the next day Santa Singh calls back. "Right Mr.
Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire
some equipment!"
"What equipment would that be, Santa Singh?" Bush asks.
"Well, we have 2 combine harvesters, a bulldozer and Gill's
tractor from the farm." Once more Bush sighs and says, "I
must tell you Santa Singh that I have 50,000 tanks, 2000
mine layers,10,000 armored cars and my army has increased to
1 and a half million since we last spoke." "I'll be dogged!"
says Santa Singh. "I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, Santa Singh calls again the next day."Right Mr.
Bush, the war is still on! We have managed to get
ourselves airborne! We've gotten out old Govind's crop
sprayer with a couple of rifles in the cockpit and the
Hockey team has joined us as well!"
Once more Bush sighs and says "I must tell you Santa Singh
that I have 4000 bombers and 8000 high maneuverability
attack planes and my military installations are surrounded
by laser guided surface to air missiles and since we last
spoke, my army has increased to 2 million."
"Oh cripes," says Santa Singh. "I'll have to ring you back."
Santa Singh calls again the next day. "Right Mr. Bush, I
am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war."
"I'm very happy to hear that," says Bush. "Why the sudden
change of heart?"
"Well," says Santa Singh, "We've all had a chat and to be
sure, there's no way we can cope with 2 million prisoners of war."