The Truth About Us
So what is the truth? I ask myself this question everyday...
i.e. You start a new job. You meet new people. Things are great - on the surface - but on the inside you're secretly wondering how long it will be until they drop you like a hot potatoe.
And you're back to being alone.
It has taken me 5 years to be able to voice myself. I am now 21 years old. Maybe someone will actually start looking at me as an adult.
I have entitled this "the truth about us" because it delves into the truth of not only the human heart, but the truth about MK's.
As you can see already my writing is quite hap-hazzard. I write in no particular order, nor do I write to any given stardand. I write for truth's sake, for I believe I have a God given right to do so.
The analogy that I used at the beginning of this "thought section" had to do with starting a new job and the underlying fear that we all have. We all desire acceptance - there is no point lying about it, because it is the truth (sorry, it hurts, i know).
Let me rip off the bandaid for you.
By the tone of my writing so far it might appear that I hold a lot of anger in me. This is not the case. Yes, I have been angry in the past (most definitely), but concerning the events of 5 years ago I feel only sadness...I have been told to "put it behind me" and "let go of the past", but the road has been a bumpy one and in hindsight I can't just sit back and see things go to ruin! I have to speak out! Not be afraid!
So here goes...
Romans 12:6
As it says here in Romans (a book God has continually drawn my focus to) we have all been given a gift and should use it for His glory, not our own.
Romans 12:17
"Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, whether prophecy, let us prophecy according to the proportion of faith."
"Recompense to no man evil for evil. Provide things honest in the sight of all men."
Unfortunately, sometimes when a brother or sister uses their gift to help others this can stir up feelings of jealousy in fellow brothers and sisters...not a good thing. I once heard that we give too much credit to the devil and say the devil made me do this or that when really it is our old man (aka the flesh) that is responsible. Jealousy is wrong yes, and can lead to all sorts of underhand things.
Galatians 6:3
"For if a man think himself to be something, when he is nothing, he deceiveth himself."
Romans 14:10
"But why dost thou judge thy brother? or why dost thou set at nought thy brother? for we shall all stand before the judgment seat of Christ."
I remind myself of this daily. Not to judge, cause something could happen to me tomorrow and I'll wish I had bitten my tongue.
Galatians 5:14
"Thou shalt love thy neighbour as theyself."
Romans 14:13
"Let us not therefore judge one another any more: but judge this rather, that no man put a stumblingblock, or an occasion to fall in his brother's way."
In stead of building each other up people tend to pull each other down to make themselves look better - again, jealousy.
I Corinthians 1:10
"Now I beseech you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that ye all speak the same thing, and that there be no divisions among you; but that ye be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment."
I saw divisions on the mission field. I know all about Mr. X (anyone know what I am talking about out there? Bet you didn't know I knew about that!). Can I just remind you, kids are not stupid! Why is it though, that the meekest are persecuted the most? The one's that have given up everything for God's work and moved their whole life to a foreign country? And why is it that they are slaughtered by their own brother?!?
These verses provide an insight into what my Dad suffered in the Ivory Coast, West Africa during my parents ministry there. I had to witness things at the age of 15 that no one should ever have to witness among adults - adults you look up to to provide strength and "leaders" who should exemplify the characteristics of brotherly love! I am not suggesting that these people should by any means be sinless or perfect in any way. I am merely pointing out that the people we look up to are as human as the rest...it is the underhand, coniving things that go on beneath the surface that tears me up inside.
Why can't we live what we preach? I find this as hard as the rest. There is one word that stands out to me when I think back to my 10th grade school year. Hypocrisy. You know, I saw so many things, but was too scared to talk about it. After all, I was just a kid and what does a kid know?
My Dad fought so very hard just so that I could finish my IGCSE's (the 'I' stands for International) and yet he was accused of showing favoritism to British kids! I was not the only IGCSE student, there were others. I would like to know where these people got their evidence from, cause if it had not been for my Dad I would have failed my GCSE's. Seeing as I had to study so hard they threatened me and said I wouldn't graduate. The reason being I had to drop P.E., Music and Bible, so that I could study extra hard for my Maths and Physics. I think this was a logical idea, after all what was the point of studying for subjects I didn't have to take IGCSE's for? It paid off in the end, after being told by one of my male teacher's (NOT MY DAD!) that he thought Maths wasn't something I would ever do well at - um, excuse me, I got a 'B' (no thanks to you!).
On a branching subject, my friend Tom and I used to be very close. We had feelings for one another. This was known to everyone on base - we had nothing to hide! And yet, they did everything they could to stop the 2 of us getting close - and by close I mean innocently holding hands, and yet this was such a big deal that there had to be chaperone's upon every occasion we saw each other. And they wonder why kids rebel?!!! Gee, there's a tricky one! I tell you, there is more trust in the world than there is between missionaries! Always watching your back! You never know who'll have their knife in there next!
Galatians 1:10
"For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be a servant of Christ."
I think this verse says it all, don't you?
I don't just limit this to the mission field...
James 2:2-4
"For if there come unto your assembly a man with a gold ring, in goodly apparel, and there come in also a poor man in vile reaiment; And ye have respect to him that weareth the gay clothing, and say unto him, Sit thou here in a good place; and say to the poor, Stand thou there, or sit here under my footstool: Are ye not then partial in yourselves, and are become judges of evil thoughts?"
It's funny, because over here in Northern Ireland we attended a church for a bit. It was known that my parents were missionaries in IC, but we had no money. You see, if you have money and you attend this chuch EVERY SUNDAY then you have it made my friend! You will be invited with open arms into the elite Christian society! However if you decide to attend this church and are badly off then you will be scrutinized and judged each and every Sunday - and another special treat - no one will even bother to talk to you! Good ol' fellowship - there's nothing better! (i know this is not the case in every church, i am merely drawing a writer's picture here).
Ok, so the dryness and the sarcasim have to go!
In all seriousness, my Mom started a Bible study while she was still attending this particular church. It involved a group of women meeting for about an hour once a week. When the pastor of this church found out that there was an "unauthorized" meeting taking place he basically did everything in his power to stop it. He brainwashed the pastor-worshipers into thinking it was wrong to be attending anything outside the church and convinced them that the only learning that should be taking place should be in his sermon-like Bible study meetings once a week - oh and you had to wear a hat! Forget that this had nothing to do with him!
Now do you see why it would be so easy to get angry? In addition to the fact that he lives one of the fanciest houses in town?...I don't know his heart, though. Only God knows where he's at and like I said before, only God can judge. I just can't stand it when people place themselves on a pedestal and think themselves so much better than everybody else.
to be continued...